I am always insecure with my writing, though I have learned over the years that other people's opinion mean little. I, myself, am my biggest critic.
Recently, I tweaked and tweaked a synopsis until I don't think I can improve it any more, without bursting through set parameters of what I want in the story. So, sent! The real writing starts after Raya.
It has been a crazy few months after I left my job in Media Prima. There are so many things to do and I find myself having less and less time for sleep, rest and other things.
This is why I don't have any commitments, so I would be free to do whatever I want. I got no house, no cars, no family to take care of, save for my father's medicine. And I have been careful enough to ensure I would not be exposed financially.
Some people try to take advantage of me, wait out until I am desperate and get my services for cheap. I have never allowed that to happen and will never do so. I set multiple streams of whatever, hedging my bets on other bets. With a spread-out table, I ensure my survival.
This is something rich people don't understand - survival. They are up there with their bullshit thinking and attitude. I'm down here, working for the past 10 years to set up the foundations for whatever the fuck.
Is there a plan? There are always plans. But I make it up as I go along, solving one problem after another, setting up one thing and then the next.
Recently, some guys asked me for ideas. I gave them ideas in abundance. Ideas are easy. Execution is not. This is something Gen Y and rich people don't understand. They have been taught that Mark Zuckerberg had an idea. Larry Page, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates all had an idea. ONE IDEA. And then they get rich and successful.
They never think about the work that goes into the realisation of those visions. What Zuckerberg had to do - backstab his friends. What Gates had to do - backstab Jobs and hold the rest of the world in a tight monopoly. They never think of the hours, the billions of other problem-solving ideas employed through the same rigid practice of that one vision.
And talking about the hardship does not lessen it. It's like talking about moving a mountain does not mean half the mountain upped and walked. No fucking way.
I'm also starting up a comics publishing thing. Having lived long enough, I know more about comics than most of my friends because most of those who knew more are dead. However, knowing and doing are two different things. Ebert knows a lot about movies, but that does not mean he can do a perfect one.
It takes a lot of work.
They say good things happen to those who wait. They also say fortune favours the bold. This shows 'they' don't know anything. It is true that if you wait and keep yourself open, opportunities will present itself. And when it does, that's the time you step in - fully-prepared - and you go hammer that nail down, fucker.
I am proud to say I am not taking or using any shortcuts to do whatever. Not for lack of trying, but as usual, those who manipulated the system in order to get rich will NEVER, EVER allow others to do the same. You know why? Because being talentless, useless hacks, this is the ONLY trick up their sleeve. They're one-trick ponies and you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
I'm loaded with tricks. I set out, long ago, to ensure I back up what I say. That instead of wanting to be seen as cool or great, I would become great. Fuck cool.
Right now, there are numerous other projects that need my attention. I have one week before going back to Kuantan for Raya break. I intend to finally catch up on some sleep when I get back.
Maybe I should go for a massage before that.