Monday, September 13, 2010

It Takes a Village

I'm not a family guy. I have questioned the very foundation of families all my life.

I mean, what the fuck, man? I don't need these evil, conniving, manipulative fuckers on my case, right?

And when I got nephews, I was, and still am like, "If you're smart, I'll help you reach your full potential. If you're stupid, then I'm throwing you off a cliff while yelling 'THIS! IS! SPARTAA!!!'"

Which would have worked. But my nephews - all of them - turned out to be pretty smart little guys. I can't kill any of them.

The first one, whom I used to fight a lot with, is demonstrating an uncanny ability to understand things. He is not book smart, but can be quite street.

The second one is most like me. He is reserved, introverted, and understands people and their predicaments. He has my instinctive knowledge of good and evil.

The third. Well, he's a piece of work. Object-oriented and stubborn to the core. Intelligent enough to manipulate everything and everyone he has ever encountered. And yet he giggles at me with fear and trepidation.

These are not my kids. And I do not plan on having any. But I will help them. I won't get too close, because at the end of the day, they will have to find their own way in this bleak, dark world. This cruel, stupid world.

I will do only what I can. I have seen how idiots raise their kids, and I've always been opinionated about the matter.

I'll give them books, and talk to them. And listen. That's all I can do, really.

I'm no millionaire. I can't sponsor their education. I'm not here most of the time, so my influence is limited.

I hope they find whatever it is that would awaken them, and I hope it doesn't hurt them too much, in the process. If I could, I would give them experience, without experience.

I hope they don't end up on the streets, giving blowjobs for crack. Then, I would really kill them.

Thank God I don't have kids of my own.