I have entertained perhaps over 300 people during Raya. So coming back to KL, I decided to just be alone, save for some assignments and nightly excursions.
Coming back, it was as if a pendulum that was suspended high up came down like a guillotine. Bam!
I can sense the momentum of things forming, gathering speed. Both good, and evil. As a Demon Lord, I am quite neutral to both alignments.
Tomorrow is the start of my weekend, where I will work my ass off. There are many things I am preparing for next week. I have two days to do them all, and I have less time to loiter around and do nothing. Or talk bullshit.
I have met two of three people outside my family whom I really look up to, after Raya. I have received their counsel, and observe again how they do things.
End of the day, this is still my show. And only I know what I want to do, what I am doing and determine how it will all turn out. I have always walked my own path. No one else I'd rather be, though idiots who are wannabes constantly say I am imitating this or that, because they are not original and always copy this or that.
There is only one writer whose style I wish to emulate - Neil Gaiman. Because his style is no style. He basically absorbs other people's styles and reproduces them with his own brand of whatever. He's like a copy ninja. And that's a legit original style right there. Geddit? Nevermind.
I am glad that everything happened the way they did, so I could be in this state of consciousness. Except when I'm drinking too much, and get really, really unconscious. And even being unconscious has its uses.
I believe that our true purpose is to awaken, and that cannot happen living a life of lies. Plausible deniability, yes, but never lies.
I believe that most, if not all, of suffering is self-inflicted. I do not believe in blaming other people, machines, animals for our own faults. They should be blamed only for their own faults.
It is hard to swallow, but accepting this fact and being okay with it is the key to freedom. On days when I am in full acceptance of everything - good or bad shit - there is absolutely nothing I can't do. On days of resistance, when I grapple with the realities of human cruelty, I become weak.
As Lord of Destruction, I understand that strength does not come from an ability to smash things to pieces. All that destruction is, is change. And there are more effective ways, easier methods, of making changes without using force.
You go in, embrace it, and then you shift. You become the fulcrum on which the universe turns. Like Aikido.
Whatever. I do not believe it is relevant for any of you to understand. Whether you do or do not, it really doesn't matter. I am merely reflecting the temporary light of a dawning sun.
Soon, it will be too harsh for the eyes. Your eyes.