Friday, September 17, 2010

The Invisible Collage: Vanish

You know, for some, the lure of power and positions is intoxicating. The temptations of being seen as this or that. To be seen as cool. To be seen as desireable. As successful. To be loved.


Me? I just want to retire someday. I just want to stay by the beach, lose some weight and watch what I eat, maybe quit smoking, ensuring that I have a low probability of getting really bad diseases.

I want to read books. And comics. Especially comics. I might write a bit. But I would not want to be seen. I want to eventually be invisible, safely tucked away in my little cul-de-sac.

And when the time comes, I want to die.

I don't want to live forever. I don't want to survive till the last dying breath I take. I want to live, and then die.

Dreams of changing the world are for younger people. I have come to the realisation that by merely existing, I am changing the world. I don't have hang-ups in that. I'll do what I can, push as hard as I've always pushed. But I won't struggle.

I'll just keep on doing what I've always done. Other people might say I'm stupid, for imposing rules on myself. Or for even trying. But I have learned that the louder the condemnation, the greater the fear.

What are they afraid of? I honestly don't care. And I don't have enough angst left to dwell on it. I spent my angst, overdrew my account, in the past 15 years.

I'll get my money, and then I'm going to vanish. The beach may be here, may be in Kuantan. May be in Spain or Australia. I don't know where I'll be, five years from now. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. I'll just wing it, as I have always done.

And I won't stop talking. I just don't fucking stop, do I? Cause one day, they will come and shut all this down. Nothing to worry about. They can't stop everything.