Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tales from the Drunk Side: Fuck You

I am a bit lugubrious at the moment, having spent the whole night in front of amber liquids and some darker ones. But I can still write. I can write in my sleep.

I don't know why everything is run by idiots and stupid people. I don't. I really don't. But I'm not going to complain or tell my victim story.

No, man.

And this just after coming back from talking to people who know shit. Older people. I have spent a lot of my life trying to figure out old people because if you do, then you would have the wisdom of the ages. Hahahaha.

I have seen and gone through a lot of shit. Shit you wouldn't understand, in your puny brains. And I have enough brain capacity to know what kind of shit is going to go down. It comes so natural to me that it is instinctive.

All these inferior humans talking and worrying about the little shit, the little dramas, I know what's what.

A huge part of it is my understanding of people. I hate people, and because of that, I have studied them for a long time. Their tell-tale verbal and non-verbal signs, their psychological bullshit, even how they think.

First, you have to figure out what their motivations are. What drives them. For most people, it is the ego. The need to feel superior due to their insecurities and their fear.

I sense a lot of insecurities that shape our world. Our world, our existence, is shaped primarily by fear. That's stupid, but that's how it is. I am disgusted, but that's the way it is.

Everybody lies. Out of fear. I am the only person dumb enough to be honest. I can't and won't tell a lie. I'll escape telling you the whole truth if I believe that if doing so means I have to deal with more bullshit - which I hate - but I have never lied to anyone.

You know why? Because I know all fears are bullshit. What is there to fear, really? I have never met anyone smarter than me. I have never encountered skills I can't figure out or replicate in a few weeks. I am humble because it puts people at ease. It is for your benefit. And also mine, because I don't want to do your bullshit.

I am the smartest person I know, and with that, comes great tragedy. No one would understand what I'm talking about, or that I have gone through the simulations in my head many times over as you go just a few steps in the whole thinking process.

Do you know how agonising it is to wait for people to discover and figure out what you have a long time ago?

This is my ego - the biggest in the world - talking, but I am always light years ahead and I have to wait because the world is too slow.

"How is it working out for you, being clever?" said Tyler Durden from Fight Club. See? I should NOT have had to mention that Tyler Durden was from Fight Club, but for the benefit of philistines and idiots, I have to insert disclaimers all the time.

I meet people who love cliches. Tropes. Does any of you understand how annoying it is to see and hear what people are going to say just a few minutes in advance? Or even a few seconds?

I always feel like I have lived this life many times over and that I have had all conversations at least twice before, therefore there is no point in me saying or doing anything because I already know the outcome.

It is this immense boredom that I hate.

People think they are so clever, with their silly little constructs and schemes, when it is as transparent and insignificant - ultimately stupid - as one devised by five-year-olds.

So this is why, a few years back, I decided to stop being right and just find a better way to be happy. Fuck all this shit, man.

Being happy, to me, (and putting 'to me' is like saying 'in my opinion' because if it is your opinion, it is never wrong and you can never be sued) means to be free from all the lies and stupidity and idiocy and dumbness. Actually, it is to be free from everything. Which is why I am typing this naked.

I believe that being happy is the only quest worth pursuing. Everything else is bullshit.

Nothing and no one makes you happy. You make yourself happy by detaching yourself from your self. When all the definitions and labels are gone, you are left only with the essence of your being - your soul. It is this soul thing that, if you feel it, means you are one with the universe.

The few times I am able to detach myself from any and all labels, I am truly happy. Happy is a state when you realise there is nothing you want. It is the absence of desire.

And you know what? I want nothing. I used that at first, years ago, to ensure that no one can control me. Then I realised that that was also a want, a desire.

Oh God, I puked. In the toilet.

I am the greatest gift that God/Science/Eywa has granted the omniverse. Which is another label, I guess. But it's true.

Sleep. Now.