Saturday, May 17, 2008


The past few weeks have been the worst few weeks of my life.

I lost all drive. One of my hard-drives crashed. I have no desire. Passion at work was gone. Bla bla bla.

Some people close to me may have been wondering whether they did something to cause it.

As a rule, I do not concern myself with the who. As in, the real who, not The Who, the band. I don't like people. So I distance myself from them. And may God strike me down if I ever give anyone power over me ever again in my life.

No. What concerns me are the whats and the hows. Because I am a machine. Machine Man! People be damned.

I know it's a process. I'm a pattern-recognizer, and I know very well my own patterns.

So I let the depression run its course. I followed it to the pits of despair. I explored notions of destruction that I never explored before. I went to the end of the universe and I jumped down.

Last night was rock bottom. I went down, down, down and I touched the floor of base existence.

And then, I knew what to do. And when I have the what, everything else will fall into place.

And may God have mercy to those who stand in my way.