Saturday, May 31, 2008


The past few weeks have been tough. It was only a week or two ago that I finally got my brain back. It was exposed to lethal doses of STUPID and I was scrambling like a drowning man.

I felt like running away to Germany again and blablabla. Cause I don't see any reason for me to be in this country.

It wasn't until I managed to get some rest a couple of days ago that I made a decision to go back to my whatever.

If there is nothing worth saving in Malaysia, maybe it's time I created some. Wherever I am, I decide what to stand for and what to fight for. Not anyone else, for the chance of that 'anyone else' being a monkey is 99.9999999999999999999999%.

I don't believe in predestination. Destiny. Fate. Fuck all of that. I believe that everyone is on a path they choose for themselves. And there is nothing I can do for other people, because even warning them that they are on the path to destruction and sadness and hypocrisy has never been good for me.

Some people do not like to see the truth, or even another version of the truth OR just another world view, deep as they are in their denial or in their own worlds.

I still do not speak monkey and do not plan on learning how to speak monkey. And don't come to me for bananas either.

I have seen worrying signs in myself that I am growing up. Fuck that, man. I have arranged for a trip to Thailand this June so that my inner adult will never take over. It is a scary thing seeing how un-evil I have become.

Thing is, in the past, I became a demon in order to see angels. Cause in my logic, angelic beings fight demons and devils and whatever the fuck. SO I became a demon. Expecting angels to come flying down and doing their shit and showing the truth and shit.

What I saw, what I've met so far are no fucking angels. Just other demons and devils and trash with human masks. Sometimes with angelic masks. Of course, the stupid ones will be fooled or willing to BE fooled. Because the alternative - the truth - is too hard for them to accept.

Again, as usual, I am disappointed with the human race. Ho-hum. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Oh well. That's the way it goes.