I was, and still am, at the National Press Club, when I made one of my sweeping statements.
Me: You know what I hate about this country?
Old Guy: What?
Me: I can't find anything or anyone here worth saving. I mean, first of all, I have a superhero complex. I need to be saving people, helping them or stand for a cause like in Boston Legal, or I'd be unhappy. This is my arrogance. This is my hubris. The problem is twofold - no one wants to be saved, and there is nothing and no one worth saving. It would be arrogant of me - and damn hell I am arrogant - to assume that people need saving, even though they tell you they need help. What they REALLY want is to use you for something.
Original Gangsta: I don't agree with your statement. Whatever the problem is, this is still home.
Me: For you. Not for me.
OG: True. You still got time, and I am talking like an old man here, but we have lots of things going for us. There are no volcanoes here. No earthquakes. No typhoon.
Me: Big fucking deal. That way, we can't kill a lot of people at one time.
OG: No, seriously, it's not that bad. You just have to make it work.
Me: For whom? If I bust my ass, make this country fucking fantastic - something which even Dr M failed to do and he was the fucking PM for 22 years - who the fuck benefits? Cui fucking bono? Idiots, that's who! And in a few years time, everything good I ever did, all the greatness I bring to this country will be destroyed by monkeys.
OG: You're talking about Malays?
Me: Always. I live with Malays, so I bitch about Malays. If I live with the Chinese, then I will bitch about the Chinese.
OG: The Malays are not so bad.
Me: Not so bad? Look, and I am saying this as a complete and total racist, the Chinese will stab you in the back for money, for position, for profit, right? The Malays, they do that for no reason. Just because they can, so they can feed their insecurities about not being good enough to be human. Cause they're monkeys. Most of them anyway.
OG: I have lots of Malay friends, and I like them as a race. Maybe it's a generational thing. They weren't so bad when I was growing up.
Me: Well, may be. See, one guy once told me he was proud of being Malay because of some shit somebody wrote in a book. "Kurang hajarnya bertempat, sindirannya beralas" or something like that. Well, just a few days ago, I saw a young Malay girl, in her 20s, treating an older Malay woman who was going to pray like shit. Bertempat kepala babi. And that is not the exception, but rather the rule. I mean, I'm no mufti, and chances are, I will go to hell when I die, if there is a hell, but you don't do that la, you fucking piece of shit. See, in some countries, what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong. In Malaysia, everything is grey. You can do whatever you want, as long as you can get away with it.
OG: That's why you write like that as well?
Me: As a writer, I am a mirror to society. If people are uncomfortable reading the things I write, it is simply because it hits close to home. It is true, they know that it is true, and they have a problem dealing with the truth. If they're convinced that what I write is crap, they wouldn't give a shit. But I am too good a mirror to the truth that they all are afraid. Because they're monkeys. And talking about generational thing, you know what generation I am in?
Me: No. Generation X is from 196X-1979. Generation Y is from 1990- whatever. My generation is the lost generation. The children of the 80s. We have no great war, no great cause to fight. In fact, I believe that the greatest enemy for the Children of the 80s is religion. Yeah, we might as well have a war on organised religion.
OG: Look, religion is a personal thing. You shouldn't let it affect you. As long as you know who and what you are. In fact, you shouldn't let the backstabbers or the monkeys affect you in any way. They will always be there anyway.
Me: As a baby boomber, (195x-196x), how did you handle the monkeys and backstabbers and all the politics, free or institutionalized?
OG: Well, having the advantage of years and a wider perspective on things, I must say that I just let it pass. Those things happen. And you know what? I believe in divine retribution. In karma. There. I said it.
Me: Well, I saw some of that shit happening already. Some of the backstabbers who backstabbed me were backstabbed in return. Like, royally backstabbed. And the monkeys who as the Malay saying goes, "Berpaut pada dahan yang kukuh" are all now on the path of destruction. There is no escape and each and every one of them will die horribly, get ass-raped or abused in some weird manner. SOme lost their jobs or will lose their jobs.
OG: See? And I am being an old man when I say this, but in the end, things will work out. Some things you have to work out for yourself. Others, they will even out as the years roll by. As an old man with experience and a longer, wider perspective, I say just be patient.
Me: Ah, but I am quite an unreasonable man. In fact, I am THE ancient spirit of EVIL. Right now, I can set a few things in motion that will cause endless suffering to those I deem as monkeys.
OG: But... do you want to?
Me: ...not really. As a creative writer, I am too lazy. Too lazy to even care.
OG: That's the spirit. Because when you get older, you will be able to take a lot more crap from the world.
Me: The thing is, I shouldn't have to. No one should.
OG: Look, I believe in destiny. If it is your destiny to achieve greatness by leaving the country, then so be it. As for me, I am content to just download books on my PDA and read. And drink. And smoke.
Me: God damn it, you old people have it easy. I'd like to retire tomorrow and just sit around and read books and comics and smoke and drink.
OG: Yes, and you will have more patience and less angst as well.
Me: Fuck that! I want to sit around and read books and comics and smoke and drink, but I do not want the patience.
OG: Well, that's just the way it goes.
And the drinking continues.