Friday, May 9, 2008

National Pornographic Sexplorer: Pattaya Pantats

Man, glad that's out of the way.


SUPPLIES! The Knights of Bukkake ride again!

Anyway, I am going to a different part of Thailand this year. After years of planning with the Earl of Cunt, I, Count Clitoris, am going to a Bangkok-Pattaya trip this June.

Usually, we'd plan to go to Bangkok or Pattaya and eventually end up in Phuket. Not anymore. Our sexploring comes first. And this is another notch to get.

We are calling ourselves the Pattaya Pantats because this is the first time we'll be in Pattaya.

I mean, I've been to Phuket 10 times and Bangkok three, but I've never been to Pattaya.

People say it's not as nice as Phuket. It's more Vegas than anything. Just cheaper.

Well, as far as I'm concerned:

Bangkok = outer beauty (Zhang Ziyi can kiss my ass!)
Phuket = inner beauty (you have to see it to believe it. And not be an ass, cause Thais can sense an ass from a mile away, foo!)

Pattaya = pantat beauty?

I don't give a shit. If Pattaya blows - and I'm sure they do - I'm gonna go back to Bangkok.

I'll be goin' soon. Very soon.

So all-a-you Malaysian women can all FUCK OFF AND DIE! Goodbye, Malaysian hos! Hello, Thai beauties!

Yeah. Uh. Uh. Pop that pussy, cause me so horny!