Welcome, True Believers! To another episode of What If...?
Now, imagine if Amir Hafizi were to meet his uncle, Malaysian Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak? How would he get his USD400 million?
SCENE 1
Location: Putrajaya
Time: Day
Characters: Amir Hafizi, Najib, extras (eight bodyguards, two drivers, one Najib Life-Sized Decoy, one RPK, 26 million Malaysians - making this the most expensive scene in movie history)
Amir Hafizi was walking alone when he saw Najib's retinue, followed closely by a running RPK.
Amir then throws himself at the cortege and grabs Najib's coat.
AMIR HAFIZI: UNCLE! UNCLE! GIVE ME USD400 MILLION! PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE ME USD400 MILLION! I'LL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING!
RPK throws himself in front of me and starts licking something.
RPK: I WAS HERE FIRST, BOY! OH PLEASE, UNCLE NAJIB! UNCLE NAJIB! GIVE ME USD400. JUST USD400. I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK, MAN, I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK!
AMIR HAFIZI: EH? WHEN DID YOU BECOME MY COUSIN? UNCLE NAJIB! UNCLE NAJIB! THE PEOPLE ARE DYING! GIVE ME USD400 MILLION AND I CAN SAVE THE WORLD! I REALLY CAN!
And then 26 million Malaysians joined in as well.
26 MILLION MALAYSIANS: UNCLE NAJIB! PAKCIK! PAKCIK! GIVE US MORE ELECTIONS! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
And then Amir Hafizi picked myself up, brushed the dirt off his Singha Beer t-shirt, and lit a cigar.
AMIR HAFIZI: TOO LATE, BUB. I'M THE BEST AT WHAT I DO - BEING SOMEBODY'S NEPHEW.
FADE TO BLACK/
So there you have it, True Believers. What would happen if Amir Hafizi meets Najib.
