I used to feed on anger. It used to be my fuel.
These past few weeks reminded me of my younger days. I was a very angry young man. VERY angry.
It was like I was Metallo and anger was my kryptonite.
So much anger. So much hate. So much suffering.
I used to be so angry at the senseless cruelty people inflict on one another. I guess I still am.
PTPTN loan defaulters inflict pain on other people, and PTPTN in turn inflict pain on them and in their turn, PTPTN loan defaulters such as myself inflict pain on them.
Rich people who are afraid that the poor will take away their money or IS taking away their money hold on to it desperately, greedily, and poor people in turn become spiteful of other poor people.
I might say a lot of things, but at the end of it all, I guess I am an idealist. That is why I hate all idealists. In the end, there can be only one.
In the end, if you take away all the emotion, all that anger, what remains are simple courses of action.
In my case, I will pay PTPTN. I will pay what I owe them, what I owe society, and I will have to pay, under protest, the heavy interest they want to inflict upon me. That would be the honourable thing to do.
I will also make it known to PTPTN loan takers, past, present and future, so they will learn from this. Pay your dues on time.
Another group that needs to be informed are the powers that be. You can take the hardline approach, but be prepared to make things worse, rather than better.
Sadly, I do not know how many loan defaulters will actually pay, because of many reasons - the lack of communication or lack of good communication - between the body and the people they serve.
You can try and bankrupt a million Malaysians. I hope it will make our country better.
As for me, it's back to work. If my calculations are correct, I may be able to pay all I owe PTPTN, lump sum, by the first quarter of next year. That's my target. By hook, or by crook.
And being a lucky motherfucker, my plans always turn out better than I could dream of. So, we'll see if I can settle everything before the end of the year.
At the very least, I know that my life insurance policy can pay for many, many PTPTN loans. So worse comes to worse, I can always die and pay it off.
Tomorrow or the day after, I'm going to go and settle 10% of the whole chunk.
But I will work for this. And then earn the right to be a Kacang Lupakan Kulit. A very loud, very vocal one. For I will only have the right to go after something as soon as I no longer owe it anything.
For I, Amir Hafizi, am a superhuman Samurai. THE Ancient Spirit of Evil. And unlike RPK, I am planning to stay. And pay for my sins.
See you in hell.