The title has nothing to do with my shit.
We can perhaps extrapolate the future of newspapers from current findings and trends - except of course if humans were to suddenly find cheaper means to mass-produce paper and if semi-conductors, plasma and liquid crystals become astronomically expensive - but...what of the television and radio?
Well, this one depends on content and viewing habits.
I have friends who don't even own television sets. It's their own personal battle against...I don't know what.
I used to be a fervent, almost religious watcher of television. Most of my life, filled with watching lots and lots of TV programmes.
I did not have a bedtime specified, when I was young, so I would often watch TV during the times when there were only three channels on, till there were only colour bars. This during a time when my village only received 12-hour electricity.
I even watched Smartshop, okay? DiDi 7? DiDi Glo? The Body by Jake Firmflex. Some bitch selling tapes - fucking video tapes - on how to use Quicken? What the fuck?
I memorized the lyrics for countless sitcoms - Golden Girls, Cheers, Three's Company, et cetera.
The best and the worst of the 80s and 90s.
I used to watch everything.
Nowadays, I watch WWE RAW, Goals! and documentaries. Everything else, I get from the Internet. And DVD box sets.
Lost. Heroes. CSI. Fringe. Kings. United States of Tara. Californication.
Sometimes, the television subscription I pay for is to justify my activities on the Internet.
Although I do not download any shows illegally - being a content provider myself, I can't do that - I prefer going on forums and discuss the subtext and themes of Lost. Read about gossips and shit about Heroes - did you know they are considering 30-minute episodes due to falling ratings?
There is so much more to watching TV than just sitting in front of a cathode ray tube.
Lost even had The Lost Experience - an alternate reality game where people can participate around the world. Well, people could. The game's over. But TV nowadays is more than it was.
It all still starts with good stories, good production and good acting. However, it no longer ends with enjoying it alone, at home.
Remember the Survivor parties? An interesting point to make is that they started as initiatives from groups of people. Then the corporations and establishments stepped in.
TV will not disappear as fast as newspapers. They have a few hundred years, at least. Or perhaps a little less. I don't know, and I don't pretend to know. My only point is that the viewing experience has now changed. One-trick ponies will never survive. Idiots who only know to kiss ass may one day find themselves floundering and flapping like a fish out of water in a world of ultra-speed broadband and hyper-interactivity and super-porn.
And as we have seen with newspapers, and the eternal message in the seminal work of the Sandman comics, you must either change or die.
Radio? Meet podcasts. And satellite radio. Howard Stern, yo!
You know what I hate? DJs talking when I want to listen to the songs.
Newsflash: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.
When I turn on the radio, I expect to listen to songs. And not from your bullshit, politically-motivated, fascist, cronyistic selections.
I want the power to choose my own songs.
Like, say, Cowboy Bebop theme song - Tank! Or the theme from Golden Girls (Thank You For Bein' a Friend) Yeah, I wanna listen to theme songs. Or the entire Juno soundtrack. Or Sweeney Todd. Hell yeah, I like musicals.
And yes, you MAY suggest some tunes, but maybe for...an hour a day? With today's technology, people can be spoiled with customized, personalised playlists. Hell, the horny teens can even send playlists to each other.
Budin: Semah! Ambiklah playlist I. I buat untuk you.
Semah: Title playlist you apa?
Semah: Aw! You ingat tahun I lahir! Saaayang Budin.
The day of the format radio is numbered.
With MP3 players that are as small as tie-pins, I expected radio stations to be quaking in their boots.
Blackberrys and iPhones have Internet connectivity. Nokia has their E series. Sony is looking into mobile music big time. Sony marketeers may be fuckers, but you better watch out for Sony engineers and business planners. They came up with PlayStation which revolutionised the multi-billion dollar gaming industry. And killed Sega.
They fucking killed Sega! And Sega was the only platform that had porn games! And better visuals! What the fuck?
One more generation, and after TM sorts out their HSBB bullshit, and you're looking at streaming audio, free, all the time. Anywhere.
If the people at TM know what the fuck they're doing, then IPTV will be on.
The Holy Grail of IPTV, as I see it - and others may not share my vision - is to have TV-on-demand, ALL the time.
Give me a menu. Say, Lost Season 6 in January to May 2010. IPTV shows it from February to June. Okay, bitches. I want to watch episodes 1-10 on Sunday, May 16, marathon, with a two hour bathroom break. And the rest of the shit on June 5 or whatever.
And then a marathon of ALL episodes on June 10 or whatever.
I want you to send me news every night at 9pm. I want to watch Oprah after the news. And then I want to watch professional wrestling. After that, war documentaries. And then, new technology shows like Beyond Tomorrow, Futureweapons and Discovery Magazine.
And I want it, whenever, wherever. If I have a sudden craving to watch one of your shitty 2000++ movies on your stupid catalogue, I want to push a few buttons, and I want it to start in five minutes.
I want to check your charts, just to see how many people watch what. I DO NOT want you to recommend me anything. Other users will. We will talk to each other, text or vote with our choices.
That, to me, is the future of TV. We have the technology to make it happen. And money to burn. So do it.
Cause the whole media shit everywhere sees the huge, big-ass asteroid that's going to wipe out the dinosaurs.
And it's made of fibre-optics, social networking and high speed broadband.
Evolve. And let the chips fall where they may.