Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Here I am, at 4am, giggling to myself.

With glee. No, not Glee. Just glee.

I don't know why, but I am.

Really does feel like everything finally makes sense.

I spent years trying to figure out shit.

First thing I learned when I became a real adult was to face myself. Most people - even smart ones - can't really look at themselves. Have a real honest look. The getting real phase.

So many I saw, were in delusion, denial, dementia, mired in duplicity and deceit. And so was I.

My dementia, took years to crack. To understand. Long story. Too long. You won't read it.

Then, it was grappling with desire. Years. Years. Desire is always poison. Always. Any desire. Dreams is something else. Dreams are the great saviors.

And then, it was awareness.

Everything builds up. Everything fits. Do I have the answers to everything? I don't. But I'm getting there.