Friday, June 6, 2008

National Pornographic Sexplorer: Oh Won't You Please Take Me Home

I was sitting a home, last night, homesick for Thailand as hell, when suddenly I saw the Bukkake Signal.

Me: It's the Bukkake Signal! Let's Go!

So I went to a bust of Maria Ozawa and flipped a switch. A chrome pole went out from my wardrobe and I slid down into the Pimp Cave.

I went into the Pimp Mobile in full Pimp Gear. The Earl of Cunt - Cheepox, was already there.

Cheepox: Atomic batteries full power...turbines full speed...

Me: Roger. Ready to move out.

Using the full speed of the PimpMobile, we safely went to a stall near my apartment complex.

Me: So. What's the plan?

Cheepox: 4 days, three nights of unadulterated, pure Thailand. Did my research. We MUST go to Living Dolls Showcase. And Living Dolls 1 in Pattaya. And one night in Bangkok - Angel Massage.

Me: I did some research too, and will be emailing you the relevant maps. For obvious reasons, we MUST check out Hell Club and Lucifer Disco.

C: Why, Count Clitoris?

Me: Easy, Earl of Cunt. I need to stick to my theme of wanton eternal damnation and religion-busting. Man, if only there was a club called Metatron.

C: What's that?

Me: The Voice of God.

C: We really doing this, right? After three years, we're finally hitting the original Sin City?

Me: Yes! What about your girlfriend?

C: She knows I'm going and what I'm going to do and she's okay with it.

Me: Sweet baby Jesus 'El Savioooooooorrrrrrrrrr' CHRIST!

Thinking about Pattaya these past few days have kept me going. The past few months, I've been exposed to lethal doses of STUPIDINITE, and I need this trip to find my center and replenish my empty tank.

I've been emo-ing like a menstruating bitch these past few weeks cause all that bliss from Thailand ran out a long time ago. And I was faced with STUPIDINITE all this while. Now is time for me to reabsorb Pimp Masta's light.

In brightest day, in blackest night,
No nipple shall escape my sight
Let those who worship stupidity's might,
Beware my power...Pimp Masta's light!

In Pattaya, there are around 20,000 registered sex workers in the low season (estimate) and between the two of us, we get 10,000 each. Hope that would be enough.

This video is not bad in showing the true cross-section of girls you can find in Pattaya or Phuket (it was shot in Pattaya), though some of the girls here are not girls. I can sense them using my highly developed gay-dar. A lot are mingers, cause Western tastes are not the same as Asian tastes.

Oh won't you please take me home!