Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Man from U*N*C*L*E

For those of you who didn't know, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak is my uncle. Technically. Tun Razak and my grandfather were cousins. So that makes Najib my uncle, twice removed or something.

If Najib and AUNT Rosmah ever gets into power, I am going to be the next motherfucker of the cuntry.

First, I will put my friend Cheepox as the boss of major media companies. Page 3 all the way, homes!

Then, I am going to sell sand to Singapore. Hell, why stop there? Why not just sell states which are a threat to me, to SIngapore.

And instead of selling Pantai Medical, which has the Fomema concession - the only organisation in Malaysia with the authority to decide who can come here and work and who can't, based on the medical certificates they hand out, why not just hand over the Malaysian immigration to the Singaporeans? I mean, why pretend? What the fuck for?

Then, I am going to blow up Penang bridge and construct a monorail there, as part of PHWOAR - Penang Hos Want Oily Amir Rectum. I won't be handling the shit. I'll just manufacture trains which they HAVE to use for the monorail project.

Then, I'll ground all the buses and cabs, and manufacture my own buses and cabs, that the transportation industry HAVE to use.

Then I'm going to hold a concert for the benefit of whoever is in need at the moment and grab 70% of the profits. Who are going to ask the questions, when Ted Turner Cheepork is my bitch?

Then, just to screw around with Malaysiakini which have by then snooped around me, I will get another online news portal up and compete directly with it. Ruining Malaysiakini's arrogant shit.

Then I'll raise oil prices. Just for the hell of it. And compare the price with Singapore, which has no oil but has Pulau Batu Putih as well as F-22 Raptors. Sucks to be you, Singapore.

And then I'm going to brandish a keris, while wearing a too-tight Barisan shirt that shows my nipples. Sex-appeal, yo!

I will harness the power of the poor, misunderstood Mat Rempits and lose an election all by myself.

Boo fucking hoo.

I am the future. The Man of Tomorrow. Take a long good look, Malaysia. Take a long good look.