Sunday, October 3, 2010

King Nothing

I decided to do nothing today, as I have loads to do tonight. A rock concert that will last for five hours, and writing about it immediately after that, along with other stuff.

It takes some effort to do nothing, really. I do entertainment, so watching anything is part-work. Reading is also work.

So to do nothing, usually I just close my eyes and be with myself, without my mind entering into it.

This has led me to spending a lot of time with myself, and it is the purest, non-poisonous state I have discovered.

Whenever I meet people, the approval-seeker in me tends to shape-shift into whatever it is they think of me. Whatever they need of me. This, can be tiring.

I mean, I meet some people, and they expect me to swear all the time. I meet some people, and just cause they consider me a Malay, they expect me to be dumb. I see some insecure people, and all they want is for me to prove myself as 'lower' than them.

Do you know how hard it is to crack jokes for some people, sometimes? How hard it is to stay serious, when all you want to do is have fun?

So I don't see them anymore. I go out with people who do not expect me to be anything. Smart, stupid, they don't care. And when I have been with them enough, I go home, and be with myself.

Which is more than enough.

Sometimes, I just want to glide.