I guess that part of growing up, is knowing that there is a limit as to what you can do for people.
One of this year's great revelations and realisations for me is that I cannot save everyone. I cannot live their lives for them. I can only do so much. There are limits.
Limits to my capabilities, limits to my involvement with people.
Because of my superhero dementia, I used to think that if I want to help people, I must commit 100%. I believed that being a samurai means that if I set out to do something, I would die first before failing.
Nope.
According to some scholars, The Book of Five Rings - the very basis for the samurai ethics and principle - was a lie concocted by literate samurais during the Tokugawa rule to continue getting money from the Japanese Government.
They romanticised the role and honour of samurais, according to the studies, to project an image of integrity and pride.
Knowing that some people I care about are in danger or experiencing trouble has been quite frustrating. I wanted to go and make it all right again.
However, at the end of the day, it is not my life to live, and I still have my own responsibilities which I am carrying out.
I still believe in the samurai ethos, the delusions of honour and integrity and whatever the fuck. I mean, comics is my Holy Scripture, what's another fictional bullshit for me to follow?
It will be most irresponsible for me to let go of my own shit in order to control other people's lives.
And so I let go, and after giving whatever advice and information I have, allow these people to make their own decisions and mistakes. I just hope they don't get too hurt or damaged after all is said and done.
Me? I am too stubborn with my own beliefs to do anything more than focus on the path I have committed myself. When I get serious, no power in the universe can stop me.
