Friday, September 19, 2008

Mighty Morphin' Malayan Rangers: Death of a Statesman

Rubber Ridley was relaxing in his hothouse when suddenly, the Rubber Signal flashed across the night skies.

Rubber Ridley: It's the rubber signal, let's go!

RR: Atomic batteries full power, turbines full speed!


Meanwhile, at the Palace of Justice...

Racialist: I'm racist, nyeeee!!! I mean..racialist...nyeee!

Sir Henry Gurney: Ahhh! Racism! And bullets! My only two weaknesses! How did he find out?

Anthony Burgess: Magic...gone.

Sir Gerald Templer: Blast! My plant-powers do not work here, so far away from my park. Briggs! Do you have a plan?

Briggs: I ALWAYS have a plan. I called Rubber Ridley!

A shadow descends on the skylight. Rubber Ridley crashes onto the scene.

RR: Never fear, citizen! Rubber Ridley is here! Gurney - you're shot! Do you need ... a Gurney? Hehehe.

Sir Henry Gurney: Ridley! Quickly! My Discipline Cane Skills do not work here. All hope rests on you! Stop...the Racialist!

Racialist: Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh...

Ridley: A live Racialist! I thought the word never existed except as a corruption of the word racist.

Sir Gerald Templer: That's it, Ridley! A racialist is a corrupted racist!

Ridley: Remember, kids, racism is our enemy. I can't stand two things in this world - people who won't allow freedom of speech and freedom of thought, no matter how despicable those sentiments are to me - and racists. Racists suck!

Ridley: Suck this, racialist!

Rubber Ridley has the power to elongate any part of his body. He socks a punch or two.


Racialist: AHHH! I would have gotten away with everything...if it we'ren't for you meddlin' Malayan Rangers!

Ridley: Gurney! You're losing a lot of blood, old boy!

SHG: Please...stop it...with...the lame...British accents and quirks.

Ridley: ...right...cheerio!

SHG: I'm...dying...there's no...hope for me...anymore. Send...the...message...loud and clear.

Ridley: What? Racism is bad? Everyone knows that.

SHG: No! The...message...always...always...brush before going to bed...

There you have it, true believers! Racism is bad! And...always brush before you go to bed.

Or after going down on the missus.