Friday, September 12, 2008

Ideas for Malaysia: Destroy Politicians

Sahur post, yo!

You know who should run this country? Scientists.

Not politicians.

You see, most career politicians (some, like Dr M, are a rarity. Especially these days) are people who have failed at everything else in life and need other people to look up to them, or for movie stars to look up to them from a kneeling position. So they join politics – one of the last places on earth where idiots win.

Our people then elect these failures in life into office, where they scam, bribe and embezzle their way into privatisation projects and cut ribbons in their free time.

Politicians are the lowest of the low. In fact, politicians are ranked between Chimpanzees and Bonobos. Which is an insult to chimpanzees and bonobos everywhere. If you’re reading this, I apologize, fellow primates. I know politicians are not reading, cause they have yet to master potty-training, much less spelling.

Most of the problems we face today are caused directly by politicians.

The roads are jammed? Who was the idiot who planned it that way? Blame the civil engineer? WRONG! It was the politician who approved of the project.

Cracked roads? Politicians’ fault. Maybe the sister-in-law needed a new BMW? High price of oil? Inflation? Politicians' fault. An economist would never have made such a stupid mistake in the first place. Only a politician would be stupid enough to hike the price of oil, and expect the prices of goods to go down.

A race riot? Politicians’ fault. If they had not schemed and fanned the fires of racism, we would all still be drinking together like in the 60s.

The Arabisation of Malaysia? The Islamic pretentiousness? The munafik factor? All politicians’ fault.

It is the politicians who are making money from the NEP. Not me. Not normal, everyday Malays and Bumiputras. Remember, [insert political party name here]Putra, not Bumiputra.

Hell, I'd like some of that money too. Never saw it, and will never see it.

Why? Cause of politicians.

If it's not the current lying idiots, it would be another. We, normal people, will NEVER see the money because politicians - I don't care from UMNO, MCA, MIC, DAP, PKR, PIS-M - will get the money.

They will give us nothing, and take from us, everything

Instead of rioting against each other, I call for peace amongst the races. We should all address our greatest and true nemesis - politicians.

We don't have to kill them. Killing is unnecessary as politicians will politicize any act of violence. Just like Anwar - one of the biggest politicians ever.

Simply reject politics.

Say to them, "Fuck you man, we will not be members of any party anymore. We will not support politicians, we will not support your agencies and your ministries. We will NEVER put anyone in office - any office or orifice."

In fact, fuck it. Stop listening or acknowledging anything to do with any party. Any race-based bullshit propaganda they are trying to pull - from ANY side - just cover your ears and say "lalalalalalalala". If you do listen to politicians, you are a racist. I'm sorry. You are a racialist.

Politicians are attention whores. They MUST look good to other people, or they will die.

Simply do not pay any attention to them, and they will eventually die.

By eliminating politicians from our daily lives, we will all be able to work together, without fear of the big bad NEP monster springing out from a bush and licking our bleeding vaginas.

There will be no more race-based politics because every normal, intelligent person knows that racism is bullshit and would not benefit anyone, in the end. Racism would only benefit politicians and fuck me if I'm going to let that happen.

There will be no more racism. An end to that bullshit. Is that not a noble goal to achieve?

Sidebar: Evidence of politicians' stupiditity and damages done to the country and the people of this country:

1. To an international news agency:

Politician: You-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you-you.

2. About women:

Politician: Pretty women should not work, as they can find husbands. Let the fuglies slave away instead.

Meaning: Pretty women in Malaysia charge vagina rent and don't have to work. All women who are working are ugly.

Conclusion: Malaysia is a nation of prostitutes.

3. Politicians' quotes about the oil price hike:

Politician: If we REDUCE the price of oil, the price of goods will increase, like in Venezuela.

Meaning: If we INCREASE the price of oil, the price of goods will decrease.

Conclusion: Wow.

4. About bridges falling down:

Politician 1: Kalau hari-hari hujan, siapa salah? Tuhan salah!

Politician 2: By cancelling this bridge project, we will save money! How? By paying 500 million to the company that was supposed to do it as compensation.

Conclusion: God is responsible for giving politicians money.

5. About racism

Politician: We were genocided for centuries! By a ruthless, terrorist Islamic organisation! Taman Medan. Eh, no, sorry, Kg Medan? I'm confused and can't get my facts right!

Politician: If UMNO is weak, the Chinese will take advantage.

Politician: The Chinese are squatters! The White people - sitters! Choose your toilets!

Meaning: ALL acts of racism are done by politicians. Not by normal people. It is the politicians who are racist, not anyone else.

Conclusion: Destroy politicians.