Tuesday, February 22, 2011

If I Had Superman's Powers

First thing I'm gonna do is destroy the diamond trade.

I'll create diamond from coal. Fuck you, De Beers! This will render the Jewish diamond trade extinct.

Then, I'm going to fly to every country in the world, using my X-Ray vision to look at boobies.

I will wreak havoc on immigration laws as I go where I want.

Then I will kill, say, a billion people, and threaten the world with more killings unless I am made Emperor Supreme.

As Emperor Supreme, I will dictate that humans are banned from using fossil fuels. We will ALL have to rely on green energy. Petroleum will only be used for raw materials.

I will finally ban any and ALL fax machines. Fuck fax machines!

I will have a million concubines, mostly Thai.

I will make movies and anyone who does not go and watch them, will be killed.

The rich will have to take care of the poor, under threat of rape from mutant dogs.

Newspapers will exist as online only. People will be forced to read and record a certain number of books a year. Say, 50. Failure to do so will result in heavy fines.

Stupid people will be castrated.

The world will be ruled by me, with advice from scientists.

All business majors will be put to death. Goldman Sachs will be turned into a maximum security prison.

The Gaza Strip will be destroyed and the soil irradiated. Both Israelis and Palestinians will be spread all around the world, in communities of 50 or less.

I will bring back knight-errants and samurais as legalised, state-sponsored professions.

Children will all undergo IQ tests by 12. Those who fail, will be forced to eat their parents.

ANyone who voices out disagreements with Freedom of Speech will have their tongues pulled out. Slowly. Muahahahaha!

There will be no NGOs.

The practice of black magic, wicca, astrology and feng shui will be offences punihsable by death. Every year, I would personally execute practitioners of any form of magic that is not an illusion or trick.

Pyramid schemes as well as MLMs will be banned forever.

All conmen will be killed.

Comics would be required reading at all levels. Nudity is legal. So is prostitution.

I am such a benevolent Sovereign.