Thursday, March 27, 2008

To Be Loved

Some people, they see me writing and they immediately judge, "Oh, you're doing this because you want to be liked."

I was like, what the fuck? I am not that shallow. If I wanted to be loved, I would go to Thailand and pay.

If I wanted to be liked, I would give head.

To desire something is to be weak. And I choose my weaknesses. I will not give that much power to other people. That's stupid. To be at the mercy of millions of idiots.

You may THINK you have their approval, but then, one day, BAM! You're a forgotten old whiner sitting in your panties all scrunched up and in a knot.

Fuck that, man. I am going out in a blaze. I want to be cremated. I want to be sent to the sun. One day, I want to die. I want to be forgotten, the only mark I leave the world is a charred spot where my body burned to death.

Who wants to live forever, really? All your TV shows disappearing from YouTube cause in the future they have memory crystals people stick in their asses and it's connected straight to your spinal column. Or Maxis Broadband sticking a modem the size of a cellphone to your ass. Oh, wait, they have that already.

I don't want to be loved. I gave that up a looooong time ago. Ate my heart up and shit. I want to be free. The ultimate freedom is death. And I long for the day I leave.

That's coming up next. Before that, I plan to do whatever it is I want to do. With whoever it is I choose to do it with. Until then, I am a slave. A barbarian. But one day I will my crown on a troubled brow. Lording it over a library I built with my own two hands.

Because I am Conan - The Librarian.