Saturday, March 22, 2008

Manifesto of Morpheuses, Morphei, Mo-Fear, Whatever

According to studies, and when I say studies, I meant this idea I had while sitting on the toilet, that out of 26 million Malaysians, and probably 10 million idiots who were eligible to vote in the last election, probably only 12 losers actually read the manifesto of all the parties before casting their vote.

So, anyone has a copy of their stupid manifestos? Send it over to I just want to see how much they're lying to you suckers right now.

I wonder why no one jumped on the environment bandwagon. Not even Nik Aziz said anything about introducing hydrogen fuel-cell cars, and his party's colours are green and shit.

If there was a party I would really vote for, here's the manifesto they would write and then fight and whine for as soon as they lose:

1. Hydrogen Fuel-Cell cars

What: ALL cars in Malaysia will use alternative fuel by 2022. Focus on hydrogen fuel-cell cars because they can generate electricity to power houses and screw up TNB. Instead of sending bills to people, people will send bills to TNB as they sell their excess energy.

Why: With a little bit of internet surfing, all Malaysians will be able to construct hydrogen bombs by 2022. Of course, you would need plutonium, but hey, you can. And the fact that to manufacture components for the batteries will bring so much pollution, who needs carbon monoxide emissions?

2. Giant Robots

What: ALL Government infrastructure projects will have a Battloid mode. When the MB or the janitor presses a button, the whole thing transforms into a giant robot.

Why: For all the money we spent on taxes and tolls and the occasional RM22 million for building inspection, those things better be able to transform into giant robots.

3. The Legalization of Prostitution

What: What it says on the label.

Why: To reduce rape and revitalize the economy by promoting whorism or sexploring. Currently, prostitution is a multi-billion dollar industry in places like Thailand. To compete in this global economy, Malaysia needs to be a centralized hub for hookers. As this country is the perfect place to study Asian history as we have all kinds of Asians here, so should our prostitution industry. We will be the whoring nexus of Asia and make billions, if not trillions. Of SIng Dollars.

4. Death Camps. I mean, HAPPY CAMPS.

What: A complete community dwelling for people who are different from us. And by us, I meant people who won the elections. Screw other people and their different belief systems, ethnicity, political beliefs or sexual preference. If you won, you deserve to gas them with sarin or whatever shit.

Why: Cuts the bullshit down to its empirical components - racism, intolerance and pure evilness.

5. Deathmatches

What: The people should be able to vote who they want to see in a fight. A real one. In a ring with tables, ladders and chairs. Imagine Ku Li vs Pak Lah. KJ vs Mukhriz. Mukhrix vs Mokhzani. Marina Mahathir vs a real marina. Lim Kit Siang vs Lim Guan Eng. Koh Tsu Koon vs Datuk Siti Nurhaliza. Rocky vs Jeff Ooi. Brendy P Vs Kali in a steel cage. ANwar Ibrahim vs Musa Hitam in a kiss my ass match. Proceeds will go to charity.

Why: It's fun.