Sunday, March 23, 2008

I, Amadeus

I am truly loved by God.

I mean, this past year has not been easy. There were a lot of Montreal Screwjobs. Rainbows with no pots of gold at the end. People who lied to me. Blamed me for things I didn't do or wasn't supposed to do in the first place.

They put their fucking victim stories on repeat AND shuffle, full maximum volume blast on and I had to just sit there and take it. It was like talking to fucking Winamp.

Then there was Maxis. Shit, man. I changed my scheme from Standard Plan to Value 80 (now my calls cost 15 cents a minute instead of 30 cents) and then they gave me an umbrella and also a chance to get like, 50% off for calls to 5 people, amongst other things.

Me: Who the fuck would I want to list as my five favourite people?

Maxis Girl: Maybe your family or your friends?

Me: What the fuck would I want to say to my family? Do you think I cry to my mother by calling her on the phone and talk for like, five hours and shit?

Me: Look, my family's dysfunctional. And according to some TV psychologists, 85% of families are dysfunctional. Boo fucking hoo. Every time somebody tells some sob story about their family, I want to rip a huge fart. Fuck you and YOUR family. You think you're special?

Me: And friends! Do I look like I talk to random people on the phone for hours on end? What, do I look like I wear tampons or some shit? Is a white string hanging out of my ass? I go out with friends. I don't try to get them to have brain cancer by talking to them over the phone for hours. Man.

Geez. Louise.

Maxis used to be the best mobile service provider in the country. They still are, cause the others still suck more. But. It's not as good as before.

I switched from Adam to Maxis a few years back and my migraines went. SImply because I didn't have to climb a tree to send a fucking SMS.

Maxis was easy. But now they're becoming more and more Adam-ish. Downtime. SMSes that only reached the destination two days afterwards? One of these incidents got me in trouble as some people accused me of not informing them on some shit I TOLD them two days before.

Adam? Fuck. Give me Lilith anytime.

Anyway, despite all these stupid shit, I am great. And so is Phuket.

I got myself Buddha. I mean, Buddha trade paperbacks by Osamu Tezuka. That's right. The life of Buddha in comics, foo! I got the last three volumes two weeks ago. But SOMEBODY took my first volume. Whoever you are, give me back my Buddha Number One, before I open a can of Kapilavastu whoop-ass on you.

Powers is under a new publisher. Fables is still an ongoing project.

And I rented an apartment in Bukit Jalil, having moved out of the place in Cheras.

It's cool cause I'm staying alone (with one guy staying here for a couple of months. He's not even here tonight cause he's fucking some girl or some shit elsewhere). So right now, I'm writing in the nude.

Freeeeedom! Uh! Uh!

I got myself some self-regulating sprays. Battery-operated. So the whole house smells good. I also make sure that I only smoke in one room or the balcony, ensuring that my apartment smells nice.

I also paid for a weekly cleaning service.

So even though the exterior looks like a ghetto, the insides are fucking fantastic.

I am going to buy a dryer and Astro Max on my next paycheck. The dryer has to be a front-loading one cause I need it to get my clothes clean and to smell nice. The Astro Max is vital for my work.

I also need internet connection. This place has no Streamyx and no Maxis Broadband coverage, according to the Maxis people. Well, guess what I'm using now? Maxis Broadband courtesy of Joe Lee, aka KlubbKidd.

Thanks, man. I mean, girl. Whatever.

SO I'm gonna wait for Time NetLynx to install a permanent Internet thing here. I know it sucks. I know it's slow, but as long as I don't get DCed every five minutes, I'm fine with it.

Anyway, yeah. I am loved by God. I am Amadeus.

So, God, thanks man. Girl. Whatever.

And can I get my US$400 million?