Make Like a Tree and Leave

I have taken a two week leave. I want to rest a bit, and also catch up on my work. Been falling a bit behind.

I also need some space and time to make some decisions. As I grow older, my time is becoming more and more limited. There are so many things I want to do.

I would love to just focus on one thing, but the reality is, I'm like a shark. If I stop moving, I die. I get depressed when I'm not on multiple projects. And the more projects I pile on, my brain gets fried and I get tired.

I was designed to work and party hard. That's what I am, that's what I do.

I'm best at solving problems of the creative kind. Anything that involves monkey work, I hate.

The key to doing a lot of things at the same time is NOT to do it all at the same time. Do them one at a time. Focus is essential.

And then, there is bullshit. Bullshit will swamp you in. It will bury you, so you have to watch that.

Bullshit includes:

1. Emotion

- unless it is essential to a project, emotion is unnecessary and simply bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I sometimes use emotion as a fuel, but the side effects are worse than the benefits. Lie all you want, but emotion is a luxury you can't afford.

2. People

- people and their bullshit emotion. 99% of time is spent on managing people as well as their emotion. Fuck that, I got work to do, man!

3. People

- people are always a distraction. If there were no people in the world, everyone can get more shit done.

So excuse me for two weeks as I turn off my humanity and embrace the machine side of myself. At some point in these two weeks, I would have to deal with people - my family, for instance - and manage their bullshit emotions.

Whenever this happens, I approach them not as people, but as entities, elements in the project I am in.

So yeah, I am taking leave to actually do more work. Smoke more cigarettes and write more stories.

There is nothing that I fear, other than Fear Itself.



I am a genius of hard work. A barbarian. Knocking on the gates of hell.

See you after the gap.

Cawak Kote!

Cawak Kote!

Paka cawak, kote chokeng. Cawak Kote!

Kalu kote raso gata, toksoh risa, lutuk toksoh keta. Pakalah Cawak Kote - feshe cawak zama sile.

GitS: Solid State Society

I am fascinated with things that hold society together. It is not law, rules or the enforcement of those things.

Neither is it religion, God, belief system or whatever.

At the end of the day, it is trust. And I'm sorry, but I don't trust you.

Amir Hafizi: Manusia Ubahsuaian III

Aku mula menghadiri kem-kem motivasi sejak umur aku 13 tahun.

Di sekolah menengah, aku melalui ceramah, kem, BTN dan apa saja bertalu-talu selama lima tahun.

Kemudian semasa kolej dan sebelum melangkah ke alam kerja, aku menghadiri kem motivasi terulung. Aku membayar RM5250 untuk tiga kursus yang berlangsung selama lima bulan.

Banyak yang aku belajar, sebenarnya. Dan aku terus belajar selepas aku habis meninggalkan semua benda itu.

Perkara paling berguna adalah berdepan dengan diri sendiri. Ramai yang hidup dalam delusi. Menipu diri sendiri. Aku pastikan yang aku sentiasa berterus-terang dengan diri sendiri.

Bahaya menipu diri sendiri. Kelak, sampai ke tua hidup dalam kecelakaan yang dibina atas tabiat sendiri.

Hari ini, pada masa sekarang, aku sudah tidak mengambil kisah tentang hal-hal remeh dan orang picisan. Pergilah mampus. Yang aku kisahkan hanyalah diri dan tanggungjawab aku.

Semua orang boleh membuat keputusan mereka sendiri. Dan ini adalah keputusan aku. Akulah syaitan, tanpa sesalan. Serigala di bawah pokok dunia.

Hisaplah konek aku sambil aku kencing.

Depth Perception

What other people think or perceive of us is irrelevant.

Other people's opinions of us does not matter to us. They only matter in business and other petty things. It is not in any way important.

To put so much on the minds of others is ludicrous and wasteful. No one has the capacity to understand anyone else. Not fully.

I don't even give that power to my family. I stand alone, forever and always. And I am happy to do so.

So spare me the bullshit and fuck off and die.

Nirwana Nevermind

I have always liked the food at Sri Nirwana Maju. However, they seem to have the worst service in the universe.

I was chased away once, and was told to leave to make way for more paying customers. They screwed up my order a few times. Today, I was told that if I ordered anything, there's no guarantee I'll get it any time soon.

So after giving Sri Nirwana Maju multiple chances, I am now saying goodbye. I will never again go there for anything.

I'll find other places to eat. It's not like Bangsar has any shortages in that aspect.

Lazy Fair: The Free Willy Model

I guess that part of growing up, is knowing that there is a limit as to what you can do for people.

One of this year's great revelations and realisations for me is that I cannot save everyone. I cannot live their lives for them. I can only do so much. There are limits.

Limits to my capabilities, limits to my involvement with people.

Because of my superhero dementia, I used to think that if I want to help people, I must commit 100%. I believed that being a samurai means that if I set out to do something, I would die first before failing.

Nope.

According to some scholars, The Book of Five Rings - the very basis for the samurai ethics and principle - was a lie concocted by literate samurais during the Tokugawa rule to continue getting money from the Japanese Government.

They romanticised the role and honour of samurais, according to the studies, to project an image of integrity and pride.

Knowing that some people I care about are in danger or experiencing trouble has been quite frustrating. I wanted to go and make it all right again.

However, at the end of the day, it is not my life to live, and I still have my own responsibilities which I am carrying out.

I still believe in the samurai ethos, the delusions of honour and integrity and whatever the fuck. I mean, comics is my Holy Scripture, what's another fictional bullshit for me to follow?

It will be most irresponsible for me to let go of my own shit in order to control other people's lives.

And so I let go, and after giving whatever advice and information I have, allow these people to make their own decisions and mistakes. I just hope they don't get too hurt or damaged after all is said and done.

Me? I am too stubborn with my own beliefs to do anything more than focus on the path I have committed myself. When I get serious, no power in the universe can stop me.

Mixed Campf: Death to All Purebloods

As MixMaster, I call upon all the mixed-blood people to form a political party.

Doesn't matter if you're half-Bugis, half-Javanese, half-Cantonese and half-Hakka or half-Malayalee and half-Ceylonese. Or if you're ChiBan (Chinese-Iban), ChiBai (Chinese-Bai), BurIt (Burmese-Italian), PanTat (Pan-Asian and Tahitian), KoTe (Kota Bharu-Kuala Terengganu).

As long as you're mixed, you're in.

Mixed people are the next step in evolution. We are genetically superior in every way. Why should we bow down to any pureblood, when our race is clearly superior?

Why should other races own anything, when we are the clear successors to humanity?

The mixed shall inherit the earth.

We have superior culture. Our martial arts (mixed martial arts) can kick any other martial arts' ass, and our mixed rice incorporates any and every pureblood cuisine.

And we will only get stronger.

Mixed Campf: Interracial Fucking and My New Thai Masseuse

I am a firm believer in interracial fucking.

I believe that instead of saying bad things about one another, we should be saying bad things about one another while giving each other oral sex. Or use it in sex.

Imagine this: me and racist going at it.

Me: Respect mah AUTHORITAA!!!

Chick: Fuck me harder, you lazy Malay!

Me: I'm sorry?

Chick: Fuck me harder, you lazy, greedy Chinese-Malay!

Me: That's more like it!

Cause, when you fuck someone from another race, it is impossible for you to hate that race completely. In Malaysia, after two or three generations of interracial fucking, everyone would be Bumiputera. Everyone would be mixed.

Honestly, everyone is mixed. The Malays are an amalgamated race anyway, drawing from the Javanese, Bugis, Batak, Pattani, and a whole rainbow of races. Same thing with Indians, Chinese and everyone else. Everyone is mixed, really.

This also applies to massage, as I segue away from the main article and wander off in a tangent.

Today, I had a Thai massage by a Thai.

Thai: You know, they ask me, I wan to go work spa. Give blowjob and handjob, I make 10,000 ringgit, 15 thousand a mont. I say I do not wan.

Me: Why?

Thai: Because I hep customer here. I like it here. I hep priends. Man-nee I can find.

This is why I love Thais. They know what's important. And she worked so hard as well.

Through my conversations, I managed to find out that this girl used to stay somewhere on the outskirtsd of Bangkok.

"Bus, three our."

And that she used to have a small shop selling clothes.

"For Thai or for farang?" I asked.

"For everyone."

She gave away the shop to her sister who was pregnant, with no father.

"So with shop, she can take care baby. Baby no hep father."

And she came to Malaysia to massage people.

That was so generous of her. And considerate. All I could give her was a RM10 tip.

Mother! Father! Family!

I don't know if it's a sign of me growing older, but I am spending more time with my family these days.

I used to not be able to stand those guys. I was like, what the fuck?

But it's true what that old dude said to me in that pub four years back.

"I'm older, Amir. I can take more shit."

Family, is weird. If I could choose, I'd put Bill Gates as my father. Cause he's filthy rich. I'd get Sophia Loren as my mother. Cause she WAS good looking, in the old days.

What I'm stuck with are really, really, hyper-intelligent, super-emotional people.

My family members are all smart. In fact, if anyone is stupid, what we do is we kill them. You have no right living in this world, if you're stupid.

That being said, they sure have done some dumb things. Like getting married. To this day, I still believe my parents should not have had kids, but that's just me.

That's all in the past now. I used to rebel against anything they want to do to change me. Now, with the realisation that no one can make me do anything unless I allow it, I understand that my family has no power over me.

Nowadays, I help them out, not to fulfill some stupid social convention, but because I want to help.

I hope that the family's next generation, my nephews, will be able to do more amazing things for themselves, the country and the world. I know they have the brains for it. Now, if only they have a good evironment in which to grow. And good guidance.

Mein Kant: Mixed Race is the Master Race

The lesser races would come to us, the Mixed Ones, attracted to our culture and technology.

Look at all the inventions of the Mixed Race:

Mixed rice, mixed fruits, Mix FM, mixed ice (air batu campur), mixed feelings, cement mixer, ice-blended coffee.

Sword, Saber, Love

Damnit! I can't sleep until I get this out of my head.

In the little-known Hong Kong comic book Raja Wira (I don't know the original title, and the Internet also does not seem to have any info on this), which to me is the greatest translated HK comic book ever, we can see the normal depictions of sword and saber, with a twist.

There were three great warriors - Perwira Pedang (Sword Warrior), Perwira Golok (Saber Warrior) and a third element to the tale, Perwira Cinta (Love Warrior).

The triumvirate make up the components of a true hero.

Perwira Pedang became the emperor and is called Maharaja Pedang, Perwira Golok is the greatest pugilist in the land and Perwira Cinta gets the girl all three were trying to fuck.

The protagonist, Si Putih, is the son of Perwira Cinta and that chick.

What I really loved about this comic series is the fact that the main character is in no way the greatest fighter in the land. He also does not become the greatest fighter and does not wish to be one. Si Putih is merely a student of life who tries to learn how to appreciate drinking alcohol. It is said that, 'only a man who has tasted the bitterness of life can appreciate the bitterness of the drink'.

The whole series follows his exploits in trying to get himself and his friends to a higher status in Maharaja Pedang's kingdom - Kota Pedang (Sword City).

Si Putih's talent is his intelligence and charm. He can also master almost any martial arts technique perfectly, though his lack of inner qi limits the destructive power of the techniques.

You can say that in a fight, Si Putih almost never overpowers his opponent, but uses his brains to defeat them.

There is also a lot of sex in this comics series, with one of the main characters - Putera 13 - depicted as someone who wants to write the greatest perverted text in history - Almanak Baju Dalam (Underwear Canon) or something.

Raja Wira also shows a lot of political intrigue and friends as well as enemies change their roles frequently.

There was also the 10 tests, for all of Maharaja Pedang's princes to determine someone who would take over from him. There is also the great duel between Perwira Parang and a young challenger to determine the title of greatest fighter in the land.

Victory and defeat are sometimes determined by other factors than martial arts prowess.

There are also military tactics and riddles to solve.

It is truly a unique comic book in the HK manhua world.

Alas, it ended prematurely, but with a fitting conclusion.

Si Putih managed to win a majority of the challenges for Putera 13. He was also recognised by the three heroes - Maharaja Pedang, Perwira Parang and his own father Perwira Cinta - as a worthy successor for the next generation due to his cunning.

Putera 13, after becoming the emperor due to Si Putih's help, starts to get jealous of the immensely talented and good-looking Si Putih. So Si Putih, his friends Wu and Sepuluh Tahil, left the place. They broke off as each has his or her own side stories which were never resolved - such as Sepuluh Tahil's mysterious origins, as well as Wu's crush on her.

On the outskirts of the city, where the story started, Si Putih drank wine alone and appreciated the bitter tang and sweetness of the drink as well as life. Having achieved everything he ever wanted, he ultimately lost his best friends as well as everything else he worked for throughout the series.

That was a fucking great comic book. Can someone tell me the real title of this great work, written by Chris Lau?

Sword Vs Sabre

I woke up, compelled to write this down.

In Chinese comics (manhua), the sword is considered the weapon of a gentleman. Often depicted as light and sharp, the double-bladed weapon takes precision and style to incorporate deadly thrusts.

Meanwhile, the single-bladed sabre has been associated with conquerors and barbarians. It is usually either heavy, or would sport metal rings, to make the blade heavy as Chinese sabre-play makes full use of strength and a guillotine-like chopping or slashing action.

This trend is revered in Storm Riders/Wind and Cloud/Fung Wan/Feng Yun/Pedang Setiawan where the premier sword - Greatest Under Heaven/Pedang Istimewa - is heavy and blunt, wielded by a berserker - Cloud. Meanwhile, the more gentlemanly Wind uses the Ice Sabre/Pedang Salji which is light and fast.

Nameless, or Tanpa Nama/Mou Ming is the quintessential gentlemanly swordsman and as such, is arguably the most powerful pugilist in the series. He has attained the highest level of swordsplay Heaven Sword/Pedang Syurga and also practices the martial art Origin of All Swords/Seribu Pedang Pulang ke Asal.

Another play on the sword vs sabre in Fung Wan is shown by the Japanese character Po Jun. Po Jun uses two weapons - a very wide sword and a thin sabre, both of which contradict their normal nature in Chinese manhuas.

This is what I like about Ma Wing Shing's work - never afraid to break convention. Except for one plot which had a dragon shown as a T-Rex. I hated that.

The play on sword versus sabre is also a reference to the yin-yang in taoisme, as well as the Jungian concept of the duality of man. Cold, almost heartless Cloud wields the fiery Kirin arm and the Greatest Under Heaven Sword, which was forged from a very hot birthplace. Warm and kind-hearted Wind uses the cold Ice Sabre, inherited from his north-dwelling father Yan Wang.

The theme runs throughout the series, and is sometimes shown as incomplete simply to highlight both the existence of one side (for example, ultimate swordsman Nameless without a sabre-wielding counterpart) as well as the absence of the other.

This is how I see Hong Kong comics. Don't get me started on Tigershark/Pendekar Laut.

Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre

I am a fan of Jin Yong's (Louis Cha) work. Of all of them, my favourite has always been Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre, or its real name, Yi Tin Tou Loong Gei.

Jet Li acted in one of the best movie adaptations, called Kung Fu Cult Master.

Ma Wing Shing did a comic bearing the same title.

The story centers around Zhang Wuji, 'grandson' of Zhang Sanfeng (the guy who did Tai-Chi and was founder of the Wutang Clan) and godson of Xie Xun (Golden-Haired Lion). He is the son of Zhang Chuisan, Sanfeng's disciple and Yin Susu, who is the daughter of a prominent member of the Ming Cult.

Find out the story from Wikipedia, will ya? Or read the comics.

I like the concept of the Nine Yang Manual curing Wuji and giving him a perfect basis to master Heaven and Earth Great Shift as well as any martial arts he wants to master.

In the Jet Li movie, the Nine Yang Manual allowed Wuji to fly and shoot kame hame has from the sky.

The weapons have a secret. Both have manuals in them. One is the Nine Yin Manual and 18 Dragon-Killing Palm, created by Guo Jing, which later became a standard stance for the Beggars Sect. The other held the Book of Wumu, something like Sun Tzu's Art of War.

At some point in my life, I want to write something that is similar to the complex tapestry of Jin Yong's work. I managed to do outlines of this when I was 19 years old. Now, I want to do it for real.

I don't know why I wrote this.

Rejected Animation Proposal: Racist Rangers

Racist Rangers! They're the heroes! Gonna take racism down to zero! They're our powers, magnified, and they're fighting on, unracist siiiiide.

Rizal: Let our powers combine. Towering Malay!

Chee: Compliant Chinese!

Sunder: Funky Indian!

BarneyApaiKimYamashitaUkuleleSingh: Dan Lain-Lain!

Machindalai: By your powers combined, I am MACHINDALAI!

Ma-Chin-Da-Lai! He's a hero! Gonna take racism down to zero! He's our powers, magnified, and he's fighting on, unracist siiiiide.

Lee Kuan Yin: You'll pay for this, Machindalai!

Racist Rangers: We're the Racist Rangers! You can be one too! Cause saving the hoo-mans is the thing to do. Hating and spelunking, is not the way. Hear what Machindalai, has to say!

Machindalai: The powerrrr is YOURS!

Understanding People

There is only one truth about people. People measure everything in relation to them.

They are the center of their own universes.

So when you're selling stuff to people, it is never about you. It is always about them. What you can do for them. How being associated with you makes them feel or look.

People do not care about your problems. They have no interest in you. Just themselves. Whenever they talk, it is always about them, in relation to them. They are the heroes of their own stories - often tragic and fucking emo.

This is why, at the end of my career, I just want to retire to a nice beach, and just watch the sun go down every day till I die. I'll set up electric fences, maybe erect a wall.

I always find people to be loud. When they're there, they're very loud without even opening their mouths. As a homo ultimatus, I tend to shapeshift to be whatever they want from me.

Put me with people who talk a lot, and I'd shut up. Put me with quiet people, and I talk a lot.

Now, all of you reading this are awake, yes? So I'll go to sleep. G'nite!

Credit!

Today, I paid off one of my credit cards. I got one left, plus the loan from PTPTN.

You don't know how hard I've worked to pay them off. As much as I don't care how hard you've worked to pay off your debts.

Credit cards are evil. 18% interest. And I didn't even realise it when one day, BAM! I was stuck. Managed to pay off half of the damned thing. Now, for the other half.

PTPTN is at 12% interest. My aim is to pay one third or half of it at least, by the end of the year. Can I do it? Is it possible?

I am the Lord of Destruction. I will destroy the loans. Hwuarrrgghh!

Hookers! HOOKERS! HOO-FUCKING-KERS!

"The women, they go for men who are rich."

"Like, duh."

"What do you mean?"

"Given a choice between crappy men who are poor, and crappy men who are rich, which would you choose?"

"Ah, well, that means they choose money."

"Good!"

"And what makes them so different than hookers? It's the same shit, right? Pay for play. Pussy-mongering."

"I don't see it like that."

"Hey, no worries. I'm not condemning those women. They have a right to be hookers. In fact, I love hookers. They have so many stories. I have enough hooker stories to make 20 movies."

"But, but. Men go for looks."

"Correct. Looks, amongst other things. Just like in a go go bar. Or a fishbowl."

"Why don't you go to Thailand! And fuck hookers!"

"I would love to, really."

"But you're still here!"

"Yes. Because even though you're a hooker, I still love you."

"Awww..."

"Maybe... BECAUSE you're a hooker -"

"Here's a business advice. Free of charge. Don't sell when it's already sold."

Amir Hafizi: Bounty Hunter

I'm Boba Fett, motherfucker.

I'm gonna wear my helmet and chase you to the ends of the Earth. I'll find you. And in the darkness, bind you.

Muahahaha!

Gundam SEED Destiny

When I move, the universe moves with me.

I am the fulcrum, the axis on which the world turns.

I sat and waited, observing, weighing, calculating. I have always collected much data and information.

I go and sit at the Aleph. Now, my seat is the Primum Mobile. The Prime Mover.

My movement will cause a ripple in the fabric of space-time continuum.

And you know what? Yeah, everyone can move the universe, but do they have the balls to do so? I do. I come from the swamp, motherfucker. I'm not afraid of snakes.

In Blackest Night...

Here, I quote Green Lantern's oath:

In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power... Green Lantern's light!

I take my cue from seeing what happens to those who came before me. When it comes to standing up for something, or helping people out, I can see that for most, it's just lip service.

They might do so as long as it's cool, or as long as it can make them look cool. Then, one day, BAM! They just up and leave you treading water.

I see those people - champions of justice, 'truth', and whatever way, and I just shake my head. And sometimes my ass.

May I never be like them.

I have not forgotten those who have helped me. I will not turn my back on them. But that's just maybe cause I read too many comic books.

Sure, taking care of one's own interest is actually the responsible thing to do - and yes, I do look out for number one - but I can't let go of my stupid sense of honour and fair play.

I could never do what they have done. Hypocrites. Cowards. Liars. Small-minded people with pettiness in their hearts. And you call yourself 'professional'? Hah!

My finger points. And I laugh a snorty laugh. Suck my dick while I'm pissin'.

The Blue Danube Waltz

I went out with a single female lawyer just now, and bought the single greatest purchase of the week - one of those balls that turn the water in your toilet dark blue.

I've always wanted a toilet with blue water in them. The first time I saw it, way back in primary school, I thought it was the sign of class, luxury and decadence - of the decadent kind.

Finally, after more than 20 years, the water inside my toilet is now dark blue. I feel like royalty.

I also bought an air-freshening spray. I prefer the fragrance of cotton by Ambi-Pur. Been spraying the entire apartment with it.

I also bought roach baits. I don't have cockroaches, but you can never be too sure.

I flushed the toilet a few times just now and took a dump twice more than necessary because I wanted to flush the toilet.

The water's blue! It's so cool.

Demon-crats and Repub-lycans

Some people are calling for a two-party system in this country which will offer basically the same thing, in terms of general economic direction, development and whatever the fuck, while differing on shit like certain unimportant policies like human rights and freedom.

Missing from these things, is the notion of race and racists. I believe racists should go back to where they come from - Planet Purebloodonia, where they can watch Speed Racer all day long.

As a man from the superior mixed gene, I move that all races be diluted and mixed up so humans can evolve into higher beings like me.

I will support whichever party which truly believes in these goals. I will not entertain people who PRETEND to be non-racists, but are racist to the core.

Only those with the superior mixed genes - Homo Ultimatus - can be given License to be Racist to kill, pillage and plunder the purebloods.

Also, doing a two-party system will make for great movies pitting demons against werewolves.

Hippocratic Oaths and Slurs

I like arguing with doctors. The good ones are as calm as Hindu cows, while the bad ones are stupid and usually insecure about their stupidity.

For instance, I once suffered severe pain in my lower abdomen. I got myself into the ER of a private hospital.

Me: Doctor, can you give me a shot of sedatives? Morphine would do.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?

Me: I am experiencing severe pains in my lower left abdomen. I do not think it is my appendics. Must be something to do with either my intestines, colon, kidney or bladder.

Doctor: Hm.

Me: C'mon! Give me a shot!

He called over some med students and gave me a jab in my ass. It was just a needle with no medication, designed to illustrate either a placebo effect on a hypocohondriac to med students, or perhaps show that some druggies try to scam morphine.

I knew he injected nothing cause there is a difference, you know.

They wheeled me to the CT-Scan, intending to charge me inflated test charges. After the scan, I puked from the pain.

It was only then that they finally gave me my morphine.

I woke up to an apologetic doctor who administered the bullshit shot.

Doctor: You have kidney stones. And... no one can know what kind of pain that was, unless they have it themselves.

I was hospitalised for two weeks. It was the second time I was warded for stress-related illnesses.

My father suffered from his fourth stroke one time, so we took him to three doctors before I got what I wanted - an MRI for the old man.

Me: I think he suffered from a stroke. Can we use an MRI?

Doctor 1: We don't have an MRI.

Me: I know. You're in a clinic. Can I request for a letter from you to request for an MRI from a facility that does have it?

Doctor 1: Okay. But see this doctor first.

Blah blah blah.

Doctor 2: Oh, after examining your father, I believe he needs an MRI. It stands for Mechani-mm-magneto-

Me: Magnetic Resonance Imaging?

Doctor 2: Ah, yes, that. But it's expensive. You can also use a CT-Scan for his brain. It's cheaper.

Me: Yeah, but with like, 20 times the radiation of an X-Ray? I don't think so.

Blah blah blah.

Doctor 3: Your father has had at least four strokes, possibly five or six, based on this image.

Me: Right. So what's the medication?

Doctors in Malaysia have greatly improved. I know some great ones. But once in a while, I do meet people in the medical fraternity who are rude and condescending.

All I need is information. I'm not here to judge doctors, cause if that's what I do, I would go and fucking kill some of them, and give others a bonus.

There's one doctor in Kuantan whom I know is really, really good. Very present, very aware, does not panic and answers all my questions completely. Now THAT's a doctor who knows his shit.

In my life, I have been hospitalised many times. Four for stress-related illnesses while on the job as a journalist. I have been to many of the private medical facilities and know which ones serve the best food as well as the best care.

I have a low-degree hemophobia, though. I can't stand the sight of blood gushing out. Makes me weak and light-headed.

Before going to Thailand, I read a few medical journals on STDs and other contagious diseases. Condoms only work 86% of the time to prevent STDs and pregnancies. There is a five per cent chance of you contracting HIV if you go without condoms with someone who has AIDS. Actually, needle-sharing exposes you to higher risks. The type of HIV strain in Thailand is Type-5 - the most virulent and causes the highest death toll.

I have problems with my lungs due to my heavy smoking, so I read up a lot on respiratory illnesses. I also take care of my colons by taking lots of fibre, drinking lots of water and shitting a lot.

I drink three litres of water a day. SOmetimes, I go for four litres. That's twice the daily need.

I'm not afraid of death, but I don't want to spend the last 10 or 20 years of my life hooked up to machines. Unless the machine is the Iron Man armour.

Approval Seeker

I'm a Level 87 recovering approval-seeker. What used to bother me was when all these idiots prance around, believing that other people need their approval in everything.

I used to be bothered, really, REALLY bothered, that years and years ago, I set things up so that after several years, those idiots would walk on to a minefield of psychosis, social stigma and financial ruin.

It's very simple, really. Whenever I see someone with a fundamental flaw in their brains, I simply refuse to correct them. Sometimes, I play along, adding fuel to the fire; sometimes I just ignore them.

After years of conditioning, they would meet other people whose intolerance of their bullshit - which includes racism, bad English, unfounded arrogance, judgmental personality and generally annoying nature - would result in physical violence.

Then I buy an expensive meal and enjoy all the delicious details.

It's borderline Buddhism. You create by not doing anything. You just allow them to self-destruct, drowning in their own stupidity.

While I, Greatest Under Heaven, walk away with a smile on my face and an explosion somewhere in the background.

It's my personal joke and it's between me and God.

Relevance

Having projects that won multiple major awards is great - say what you want about Magika and MySpy, but I believe them to be two of the best Malaysian movies in this century - and now I'm just focusing on my work.

I focus on shit I want to do and people I want to fuck. The rest are not relevant.

I mean, why worry about global warming and shit? The world has got to end some day, and people need to die one way or another.

Human rights can kiss my ass. As long as it doesn't affect me, the fuck should I care? I stand up only for Freedom of Speech and Expression, drawing the line at child pornography and underaged prostitution.

I hate both capitalists and communists in equal measure. They're all douchebags. Self-righteous, self-important business majors trying to be white.

Ah, I don't give a shit. I am busy making sure anything that has my name on it would be of the highest quality.

In fact, I curse myself and all my work that bear my name to do well financially and critically. I have an advantage in this anyway, seeing as how I'm the only person with balls to do anything. The rest of the lazy motherfuckers (not Lazy Motherfuckers or LMF, but just lazy motherfuckers) can all kiss my ass. Cowards, all of them!

I'm still standing here saying fuck the free world. I win. I always do. I applied the Xanatos Gambit years ago. I set up shit so that no matter how many haters I got, I'll still come out on top. And come on top of them fuckers.

Heat Vision and Jack

I KNOWWWW EVERYYYTHIIINNGG!

I just spent three hours reading Wikipedia. I have read about bourbon whiskey, string theory, rare-earth magnets, Jersey Shore, Moon hoax, Biker Mice from Mars, Jem and the Holograms, pykrete, almost all of the James Bond movies, Photon, Highwayman, Care Bears, Blue Thunder, Airwolf, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Pogo (comics strip), photon-based microprocessors, and a few other unrelated stuff.

I have no idea when knowledge of any of these topics - IF ever - will come in handy.

And the title as well as the first line of this post refers to the pseudoseries Heat Vision and Jack, with 'former astronaut' Jack Austin played by Jack Black and his talking motorcycle Heat Vision, voiced by Owen Wilson.

But you never know, right?

While researching for the movie Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, my days of playing old naval games as well as my knowledge on the subject of ancient shipbuilding helped me strike up conversations with the expert.

"There's no way the Romans could come here, right?" I said. "I mean, with their triremes, quadriremes and quinquiremes, they can only hug the shores."

"Nope," said the expert. "They'd have to travel by land to Spain, and order ships from there for any chance. Say, how did you know about triremes and quadriremes and quinquiremes?"

"I played them in a game. Now, how about the Venetian Galleas? Would that fit the time period?"

However, these opportunities are rare and so far between.

I have read about all the battles Muhammad commanded. Badr, Uhud, Khondak were three very classic lessons. There were other fights and skirmishes, but those three take the cake.

Not to mention the Battle of Sekigahara and other junk.

My extensive knowledge of junk is so amazing, it amazes myself. Doesn't make me or anyone smart, doing this. Just makes us very sleepy and our necks very stiff, after a few hours of devouring information.

Terrible Topics in Bed

Never ever broach these conversation topics before, after or while having sex with me.

1. Comics are for kids.

She: Comics are just for kids.

Me: On the contrary, I have read three English master's thesis on the subject. One, studies signifying in Neil Gaiman's Sandman Comics, another details themes and elements in Alan Moore's Watchmen while a third dissects V for Vendetta and its comparisons as well as extrapolation of the Thacherite Government.

Me: Now, Neil Gaiman's Sandman's wonderful story Hob's Leviathan in World's End, is an allusion to Hobbe's Leviathan, an observational critique on Governments...

2. Cartoons are just for kids

She: Cartoons are just for kids.

Me: I disagree. Cartoon, or animation (anime in Japan) is just a medium without bias. It is simply a conceptual representatiion of ideas like how Keanu Reeves and Kristen Stewart are supposed to represent the everyman and everywoman, except that the voice actors can actually act. By the way, short break, Twilight is for kids.

Me: Now on to themes and storylines. Some animations deal with deep psychological elements. Neon Genesis Evangelion, for example, is a bildungsroman, a coming of age story for the character Shinji Ikari, the character developments of which was nullified by crazy fanboys who forced director Hideaki Anno to do Evangelion: Air and Evangelion: Death and Rebirth, which are essentially two movies in one. On to Nadesico, which is a self-referrential self-parody that constantly breaks the foruth wall not via characters or dialogues, but through its entire plotlines and story...

Amir Hafizi - educating sluts and floozies since erm, since birth! Yeah, that's right.

Total Emulsion

I can't wait to go on leave. Oh wait. I can.

Was at the office just now, and was a bit tired at the end of a long meeting, and I STILL had a story to do. I turned off all human elements and became an automaton.

Because I am Aaron Stack! Machine Man!

Nothing else existed other than my story. Everything else was irrelevant. There was only the story. Total immersion got me out of that in an hour's time.

Half-dead, I got home and managed to replenish my electrolytes.

I'm going in again, total immersion is cool and effective. But I think I'll take a nap first.

Vital Gluten

I see all! I know all!

Nothing can protect you from me! I am the Devourer of Worlds! You can try to ask protection from whoever and whatever, but I always get to you. I always leave you dry.

So fuck you, Vitagen's packaging! You will not outsmart the Greatest Mind of This Century! And my long nails!

I will get that damn aluminum thingy to peel and allow me to drink your sweet bacteria.

Tell them, Doomsday is coming! Tell them, this is the Age of Apocalypse!

Oh. There are straws.

Prepare for annihilation!

Dream On

I'm a dream-powered reality machine. A pragmatic dreamer.

Destroyer of Worlds. And I'm eating vermicelli. Fried, not stirred. Lord of Destruction.

The bringer of rain. The freer of slaves. I! Am! Spartacus!

No longer will we be enslaved by anything other than our own dreams. No matter what the price, we shall be free from the yoke of yokels.

For this, I stake my grandfather's name!

Due Dilligence

A lot of people, are scared. I don't know of what.

Failure? Muahahaha. I have failed many, many times before and though I hope not, I will probably fail in the future. But I have also been successful and knowing you got it right is worth every bullshit and put-downs along the way.

Reputation? What else can you say about me that others have not done before? I've been to high school, I've heard 'em all, motherfucker.

And I'm still standing here, saying fuck the free world. Suck my dick while I'm pissin'.

I'll fucking fight each and every one of you, if I have to. Kill me, and you risk turning one man's crusade into a war you cannot afford.

Okay, time to get back to work.

One of My Pet Peeves

I've been blessed with some talent, and I have been using that in as many ways as I can, to make great things, or at least good ones.

I see some who are extremely more talented than me in say, illustration or graphics or exotic dancing, and they waste away at some bullshit this and bullshit that.

Every time I see that, it's like a slap in my face. Well, that USED to be the case. Nowadays, I'm grateful. Hahahaha!

Once Upon a Time in Bukit Kuin

O hei o siu man chung long
Yit huet yit sing hung yat gwong
Daam si tit da
Gwat ji jing gong
Hung kam baak chin jeung
Ngaan gwong maan lei cheung
Sai fen yiu faat ji keung
Jo ho Malai-gwai
Jo goh ho Malai-gwai
Mui tin yiu ji keung
Yit huet naam ji
Bit sing hung yat gwong
Yeung hoi tin wai ngoh jeui neng leung
Heui hoi tin pik dei
Wai ngoh leiseung heui cheung
Hon! bik boh go jong
Yau hon bik hung gwong fut ho hei yeung
Gei si naam yi dong ji keung

High School Magika

I went out just now with some old school friends. An exciting, refreshing change - instead of talking about the 'good ol' days', which I hated, we talked about the present and the future.

And not the queasy, 'we're men, we're men in tights' stupidity. Nope. We finally talked about normal stuff which is a welcome change. I guess we've all grown older.

Magika's and MySpy's wins, totalling either eight or nine awards (I lost count) at the 23rd Malaysian Film Festival were also brought up.

I actually feel relieved. I've done my part, I believe, for the movies.

Now, I am focusing on other stories. So much to do, so little time. So I'll probably sleep at 6am tonight. I got a couple of articles to write and some stuff to finish.

Full day tomorrow, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Muahahaha!

Masuk Bakul Angkat Sendiri: Ketepi, Ketepi, Gergasi Sudah Kembali!

Hah! Amik ko nak sangat!

Magika sudah menang Best Film kat FFM 23. Peeewiiittt!

Sudahlah MySpy jadi Best Comedy Film, Magika la pulak Best Film. Muahahaha!

Sebagai pengarah, memang banyak tanggungjawab terletak kat bahu Edry berbanding orang lain. Untuk itu, tahniah, bro!

Aku hanya memainkan peranan aku sebagai penulis skrip dalam filem-filem ni. Tak tercalon pun, pasal takde kategori skrip. Tapi takpa. Aku tak kisah.

Aku faham, filem ni team effort. Mana boleh buat sorang-sorang, bro. Ko gila ke apa? Jadi tahniah juga untuk semua krew dan pelakon yang terlibat menjayakan Magika dan MySpy. Penat jerih korang aku takleh balas. Bukannya aku producer pun... lagi.

Thanks to KRU, especially Norman pasal bagi aku kepercayaan dan membenarkan aku menjadi sebahagian benda yang best. Banyak aku belajar daripada diorang, sebenarnya.

Dua filem pertama aku tulis, dua-dua sudah menang Best Of itu-ini. Ko tunggu filem ketiga dan keempat. Mungkin kelima dan keenam. Muahahaha!

Kalau campur semua, adalah sikit. Hehehe.

Halamak, member aku dah sampai, nak belanja minum kopi. Kopi je ke? Hehehe.

Fame!

Every time this website gets more than 8,000 hits a day, I delete it. That's why I deleted my stat counter instead.

I understand the price of fame, and am not willing to pay for it.

However, being the genius that I am, my name and my self is getting more and more popular.

I was interviewed by magazines, and someone from Singapore called me up. I did not understand what he/she was saying or how they got my number, but I just want to say, if you have funds for me to do creative projects, I'm game.

And that goes to any and all countries. Especially Thailand. And also including Malaysia.

If I Could...

I'm reading stuff I wrote as a 19-year-old man-child.

If I could go back and tell myself stuff, I'd say:

"Relax. Don't worry. Things straighten themselves out, if you stay true and good and honest. Fuck what people say. They're just bluffing most of the time, and you are not their center of the universe. You must care about yourself, because no one else does.

"And," I would say, as I prepare to leave myself, "For fuck's sake, please finish your stories. I'm having trouble remembering how this thing I wrote 11 years ago ends. Oh, and Apple? She's a bad idea, bro."

Children of Destiny

Excitate vos e somno, liberi mei. Cunae non sunt. Excitate vos e somno, liberi fatali. Somnus non eat. Surgite. Inventite hortum veritatis. Ardente veritate. Urite mala mundi. Ardente veritate. Incendite tenebras mundi. Valete, liberi. Diebus fatalibus.

These are the words of Liberi Fatali.

"Why don't you," I said, fixing my gaze straight at her eyes. "Follow me?"

Her pupils went upwards for just a moment.

"I'd have to -"

"Nah. Just stay with me. It will work out. I stake my grandfather's name on it."

"Who is your grandfather?"

"No one important."

"Then what of his name?"

"I don't know. I lost his name in a previous wager."

Caffeine Buzz

I'm moving at a blur. My speech is slurred. I have had three big coffees and four small ones.

This is why I switched to tea a few years ago.

Well, now to ride the caffeine buzz. There will be hell to pay tomorrow, when I'd be slow and lethargic. But that's tomorrow.

I invoke my Superhuman Samurai persona. I'm a writer. That's what I am, that's what I do. Identification with form, complete.

Ramrod Challenge Phase, 1.

Battlehymn

I am currently waiting for my next engagement, having spent the entire day in discussions and meeting old as well as new friends.

Information, data, is vital. And my work is only half done after accumulating so much.

There are some interesting potential stories and work to be done.

Great stories are a result of talking and listening.

I'm with Eminem on this. "You can do whatever you put your mind to, man."

He said that in the song Lose Yourself. About how he dragged himself out of 8 Mile and made it on to the world stage.

I have a hyperactive mind and, to keep it out of trouble, I pose to it various creative puzzles. I live for it, really. I'm as addicted to puzzles as I am to cigarettes, and I'm already smoking three packs a day.

I am focusing myself and applying my mind to various things. I know that with perseverance and patience, with my dedication and hard work, I can do whatever I want to.

Voices

Hitotsume no kotoba wa yume.

The first word was 'dream'.

Nemuri no naka kara.

From sleep's embrace

Mune no oku no kurayami wo sotto tsuredasu no

Which secretly accompanies the darkness in my heart.

Futatsume no kotoba wa kaze

The second word was 'wind'

Yukute wo oshiete

Directing my journey

Kamisama no ude no naka e tsubasa wo aoru no

From God's embrace, with wings spread open.



War is bad. Let's kill 'em all!

Gotta Knock A Little Harder

Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference

Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference

Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in

Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in

Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condition

Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession

I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission

The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen

The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire

The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire

Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existence

Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse than this
But could I go the distance?

I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken

But no matter how I tried
The other side was locked so tight
That door, it wouldn't open

Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door

And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door

Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Break through the door

This is Gotta Knock a Little Harder, a song from the greatest work of art ever done by mankind - Cowboy Bebop.

I love Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts. Tim Jensen is an amazing lyricist.

I would like to have sex with Yoko Kanno, no matter how old she is, cause she wrote so many great songs that I have been listening to for the past, what, 10 years? It's been a long time.

Yoko Kanno is a Goddess of music. And I'll have sex with her as a reward.

YOKO KANNO!

Seven Meetings and Vitamin Pills

I have seven meetings this weekend, plus a few stories I need to write. Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines.

I'm back on Vitamin B. B-complex is supposed to aid the release of energy and decrease stress.

I understand that research is inconclusive on whether or not taking vitamin supplements actually do anything.

Beta Carotene causes cancer, according to one study, if taken over the RDA (recommended daily allowance). And The Big Bang Theory says that vitamin supplements are only ingredients for very expensive urine.

However, Dr M himself recommends multi-vitamins.

What I do believe in is the psychological effect of vitamin pills.

Every time I take a vitamin pill, it's like my body gains extra energy and I can write faster, longer and much more than just regular me. I also calm down a lot and when I am calm, my stuff get even better.

So I take it for the placebo effect as well as whatever it really does. Sure makes my pee smell like asparagus, though.

Guttenberg Libertine

Finally! After eight years, I bought a printer.

It's an HP model and it cost me slightly over RM100. That's cool, because the cartridges alone are worth over RM100 and I got them for free. Muahahaha.

I also bought a ream of A4 paper and had just printed copies of some of my recent stories.

Previously, I protect my copyright by sending a copy of what I wrote to myself via registered letters. Which means that if anyone stole my ideas, I'll sue them and bring the UNOPENED registered letter to court.

The judge, or probably the bailiff, will open the letter and read the contents. If the judge believes I have a basis for my claims, that they did steal my ideas, I would be awarded millions.

This process used to involve me running around Bangsar, looking for a Cyber Cafe with a printer and going to the Bangsar Baru post office a couple of hours before the meeting, leaving me sweaty and breathless during the actual meet.

Not anymore.

All my previous works are protected this way. I will continue to do so, using my brand new shiny printer, from today.

So, fellow creators, always, always protect yourself from intellectual property theft. And make millions!

The Stampede

A lot of my friends all over the world are doing very, very well.

So much so, that I hardly talk to them anymore. Which is cool. I got way too much to do anyway.

I'm really happy for them and their successes. I do not regret not going away with them all. I also do not compare their hip, trendy lives with my own or compete in achievements.

Cause... the movies MySpy and Magika, which I wrote the scripts for, have won SIX awards SO FAR at the Malaysian Film Festival.

Muahahahaha!

And So it Begins

I woke up from my nap with a jolt.

I dreamed of being at the beach - a cartoon beach - when a huge stack of paper dropped down from the sky.

I checked the Blackberry closest to me, and it has barely been 15 minutes. OpenOffice calls.

Tonight, I'm going to relive my youth. Muahahaha!

The Test of Time

I'm looking my old stash of stories and outlines I did as a teenager.

The ones that withstood the test of time all had a very strong core at its center. Stories about dreams, choices or identity.

The ones that now seem stupid are all about posing on top of the KLCC skybridge or just my teen ideas of coolness - brooding characters rejected by society with superpowers.

Any story that stays, that lingers, for a long time, all have some basis in them. They all have some strong thing I wanted to say, even as a young man.

Older now, I can perhaps see some things more clearly, but I appreciate my younger self for his raw creativity and blunt honesty in his work.

I believe that I went through what I went through, and going through what I am going through, so that one day I can tell the stories my younger self penned in the middle of the night, fueled entirely by dreams.

I miss being creative. I miss making up stories for people to enjoy. Do I have enough balls to spend my weekends and off days writing stories again?

I think I need to take some time off and explore these things for a while. Suddenly, I am hit with the writing bug, but need to take a nap tonight. I'll start writing again after the break.

The Further Adventures of Amir Hafizi

My day started at 8.30am - an ungodly hour for me.

Went to the office, had four cups of coffee and a meeting, then went to Bangsar for two appointments.

Somehow, I found myself whisked away to Kajang where there was a meeting with a new friend who gave me lots of useful information.

In any endeavour, knowledge is power. You can't just go charging in empty. No need for emotion either, until you are safely at home, in the toilet, where you can throw your arms up in the air and laugh like The Joker or yell "NOOOO! N. O. OOOOOO!!!"

Nope.

I was merely collecting data. And always, always, when my faith in humanity takes a severe blow, I find really kind-hearted people who would enlighten me either with their information or generousity.

Sometimes, it is all we can do to keep each other warm and tell stories in the coldness of the dark.

Me? I'm just minding my owm business these days. So much to do, so little time.

Noir Dangdut: Noir Conan

Aku seorang penggemar cerita misteri dan penyiasatan.

Semasa aku budak lagi, aku membaca himpunan semua kisah Sherlock Homes yang wujud berkali-kali.

Aku kurang menggemari novel-novel Agatha Christie dan watak cipataannya seperti Hercule Poirot dan Miss Marple.

Namun, aku memang peminat setia siri TVnya. David Suchet memang hebat sebagai Hercule Poirot, ke udara di TV3 setiap hari Jumaat, pukul 4.30pm 20 tahun dahulu.

Dengan montaj pembukaan stail art deco dan tiupan saksofon, memang hebat, untuk aku yang berumur lapan tahun.



AKu juga peminat Murder, She Wrote, lakonan Angela Lansbury yang memainkan watak penulis novel misteri Jessica Fletcher.

Selain itu, siri TV misteri yang aku minati termasuk Father Dowling Mysteries dan game show Cluedo.

Sherlock Holmes masih penyiasat kegemaran aku. Aku kurang minat dengan penyiasat-penyiasat noir karya Dashiell Hammet, contohnya, sebab aku sukakan misteri klasik.

Aku sukakan masalah misteri klasik bilik tertutup.

Masalahnya, setelah membaca dan menonton karya misteri selama lebih 20 tahun, aku sekarang sudah boleh menjangka pembunuh menggunakan struktur cerita. Lebih-lebih lagi, aku dapati agak tidak adil apabila watak-watak seperti Poirot, Holmes dan yang lain, hanya mendapat maklumat yang berguna SAHAJA.

Kalau ditelaah mana-mana orang, kita akan dapat banyak maklumat. Banyak sangat, sampai sukar untuk dipastikan, yang mana maklumat berguna, dan yang mana maklumat tak guna langsung.

Dalam fiksyen, ini senang kerana penulis menipu dengan hanya memberikan satu set maklumat yang hanya boleh memberikan satu keputusan sahaja.

Namun, banyak cara deduksi yang masih boleh digunakan.

Dan, kalau kau perlu tahu, antara cita-cita pertama aku adalah menjadi seorang penyiasat kes bunuh. Muahahaha. Cikgu aku suruh aku jadi peguam. Gila ke apa?

Noir Dangdut: Kenapa Perkauman Tak Bagus

Ketahuilah satu benda. Menurut Chris Rock, mana-mana kaum yang kau benci, akan masuk dalam keluarga kau.

Kau tak suka Melayu? Anak ko akan bawak balik Melayu ke rumah. Ko tak suka Cina? Cucu ko Cina. Ko tak suka India? Mak mertua ko kawin G Gopalasamy. Ko tak suka Korea? Nanti Rain jadi menantu ko.

Ko tak suka pondan? Anak ko pondan. Takpun, bapak ko pondan. Ko tak suka UMNO? Datuk ko UMNO. Ko menyampah dengan PIS-M? Anak ko kibar bendera hiaju putih.

Apa-apa yang ko tak suka, akan masuk dalam keluarga ko. Sebab tu aku cakap, diskriminasi ni tak bagus.

Sebaliknya, peluklah lelaki atau perempuan, atau Katoey, yang bukan kaum kau. Pergilah keluar dan, kalau nak membiak sangat, wujudkanlah kaum campur.

Lagipun, lagi best.

Lucifer Libertine

The comic book Lucifer said, "They suppress and reject will and desire until desire turns to poison. And then they tell them the poison is good medicine."

I'm with him on this.

If you allow desire to reign supreme, or suppress it in any way, both methods end up turning it into poison.

The poison of desire gets to the heart, and eventually the soul.

I believe that the only way to deal with natural instincts is not to deny or to turn it loose. Simple, humble acceptance is always the answer.

Alas, they do not understand. And neither will they, if ever, see The Truth in time.

Noir Dangdut: Percaturan Xanatos Terbalik

Ini kisah benar. Okaylah, berdasarkan kisah benar.

Pada zaman dahulu, bapak aku ialah ketua kampung. Kerajaan datang, nak buat projek ikan sangkar. Ikan sangkar ni lagi bagus daripada ikan kolam. Air yang mengalir memastikan ikan air tawar peliharaan rasanya lebih sedap.

AKu tak tau la, pasal aku tak makan ikan air tawar melainkan hidangan Siam, Yam Plar Duk Fu (ikan keli yang distim, diracik dan kemudiannya digoreng garing bersama herba dan rempah Siam).

Bapak aku pun tak makan ikan air tawar. Udang kitorang makan.

Anyway, sangkar melibatkan kos RM40,000++. Benih dan makanan ikan cukup untuk enam bulan.

Bapak aku tanya orang kampung, "Sapa nak buat projek ni?"

Takde sapa menjawab. Semua diam.

"Okay," kata bapak aku. "Biar aku buat."

Bapak aku memang degil.

Dia buat sendiri je. Dengan bantuan beberapa orang kampung.

Enam bulan kemudian, ikan dah besar.

"Sapa nak pergi jual ikan ni?" tanya bapak aku. "Untung kita sama-sama bahagi la."

Semua senyap. Diam.

"Okay," kata bapak aku. "Aku buat booth dekat Pasar Tani, korang pergi jual, ya?"

Terbongkok-bongkok lah orang tua tu, buat tempat nak jual ikan.

Takde sapa nak jual? Dia jual sendiri.

Keluarga aku tak makan ikan air tawar, pasal kitorang keturunan naga. Jadi bapak aku tak ambik pun, apa yang bukan hak dia.

Panggil Cina restoran dengan lori. Lepas dua tiga kali, diorang cakap, "Tarak boleh juai, woo, kalau lagi besar."

Ikan, kalau besar sangat, susah nak jual kat restoran, pasal diorang jual ikut kilo.

Dah tak boleh jual pukal.

Last-last, bapak aku pakai duit sendiri beli makanan ikan. Minyak kereta dia tak usah kira lah.

Musim tengkujuh akan tiba. Nanti banjir, sangkar ikan tu kena jaga. Kena tambat pakai kabel besi keluli besar tangan budak. Kalau tak, pecah. Dan kemungkinan ikan akan hilang masuk Sungai Riau memang besar.

Bapak aku cakap, "Okay, sekarang ni, sapa nak ambik ikan ni, pergilah ambik, sebelum banjir. Bawaklah ke rumah, makan. Sapa nak ambik ikan?"

Semua senyap.

Pada satu malam musim tengkujuh, aku dengar ada la pulak orang yang pergi curi ikan.

Dah dapat free pun nak curi lagi ke? Dasar keturunan kurang ajar.

Tuhan nak tunjuk, masa banjir, sangkar ikan pecah. Maka terlepaslah ikan-ikan semua masuk dalam sungai.

Pengajaran?

Entah.

Yang aku tau, kalau bab mengutuk, menjatuhkan orang, Melayu nombor satu. Kalau pasal bekerja, ramai yang pemalas. Kalau ada yang ke depan sikit, akan ditunggunya dengan pisau hasad dan badik dengki, kerambit ego yang sudah tercalar.

Bila ego sudah tercalar, cuma ada dua jalan penyelesaian untuk binatang bertopengkan manusia:

1. Berusaha untuk naik setinggi 'tahap' orang yang dibenci.

2. Menjatuhkan orang ke 'tahap' dia yang hina-dina dan pemalas.

Walhal, hakikatnya, 'tahap', taraf atau 'tingkat kehormatan' dan maruah itu tidak wujud. Adakah ianya wujud di sisi Tuhan? Kau lagi bagus daripada Tuhan ke, nak main tahap-tahap?

Selepas melihat dengan mata kepala aku sendiri, apa yang jadi pada projek ikan sangkar kampung aku, aku sedar pada pepatah lama Melayu sendiri - "Buat baik berpada-pada."

Aku harap yang kalau aku dan keluarga aku memang orang yang tak bersalah, maka akan ditunjukkan juga kebenarannya satu hari nanti. AKu boleh menunggu. Di dunia ini, atau yang seterusnya.

Syurga, neraka atau lubang tidur yang gelap, tidak relevan.

Noir Dangdut: Aku Watak Novel Melayu

Aku rasa macam watak dalam novel Melayu. Watak yang sentiasa mengelamun dan hisap rokok. Mengelamun dan hisap rokok. Pastu pergi bekerja di bendang. Mengelamun lagi.

Masa aku kecik-kecik dulu, cuma ada beberapa novel Melayu dalam rumah aku. Rentung (karya Sasterawan Negara Shahnon Ahmad), Keluarga Gerilya (Pramoedya Ananta Toer), Merpati Putih Terbang Lagi (Khadijah Hashim) dan Gerhana di Hati (Adam Kadir, ahli politik UMNO kampung aku dulu).

Apa yang aku ingat daripada Rentung cumalah makanan. Mamat hero dalam tu, dia asyik makan pulut dengan kopi o. Pastu sepanjang novel tu dia mengelamun. pastu diorang bunuh harimau. Pastu makcik-makcik kampung duk bercakap pasal beromen dengan laki diorang. Pastu abis. Aku macam, apahal ni?

Merpati Putih Terbang Lagi aku suka, cerita mat belia yang cuba menolong orang kampung asal dia, sambil keluarganya jadi Melayu lupa diri. Bapak dia pentingkan diri sendiri. Abang sulung dia ADO yang playboy dan hanyut dalam nikmat yang tak seberapa. Agus, adik dia yang bermasalah dan penuh teen angst. Rebel habis, walaupun nama macam burger. Adik perempuan dia boleh dibentuk tapi masih terlalu muda.

Pakcik si hero duduk kat Kampung Simpang Empat yang sebenarnya empat kampung jadi satu. Si hero cuba nak membangunkan kampung dia, tapi selalu disabotaj dek Budin yang dengki.

Aku mendapati novel Merpati Putih Terbang Lagi amat bagus menggambarkan sikap masyarakat Melayu, juga kerumitan dan kehalusan perhubungan dalam keluarga Melayu middle class.

Aku tak baca pun Keluarga Gerilya, pasal aku ingat Pramoedya Ananta Toer ialah Optimus Prime Indonesia.

Gerhana di Hati adalah hasil penulisan Adam Kadir, mamat YB tempat aku. Ni zaman ahli politik berkhidmat untuk rakyat. Adalah sikit-sikit.

Si hero, nama dia Rawi. Angst-ridden gila babi pasal gaduh dengan bapak dia selalu. Last-last, dia bagi jari fuck you kat bapak dia sambil blah daripada Malaysia di tengah hujan lebat cam cerita Hindustan. Aku suka!

Kau pedajal anak kau sendiri macam babi, ko ingat dia takleh nak balas ke? Rasakan! Ambik ko! Yenna!

Aku baca ending dia berkali-kali. Rawi, macam Morpheus dalam komik Sandman, tak menoleh ke belakang sambil bapak dia terduduk, terjelepuk dalam hujan. Puas hati aku baca novel tu. Puas! Muahahahaha!

Satu persamaan dalam semua novel Melayu - protagonis akan duduk mengelamun lama-lama. Babak aksi biasanya diceritakan dalam bentuk imbas kembali, dan kebanyakan pemerhatian adalah komentar masyarakat.

Aku sedar, kebelakangan ni, aku banyak mengelamun. Kebanyakan kalinya, atas tandas, tapi mengelamun la jugak.

Aku dulu fikir, aku kena sokong Melayu, pasal Melayu ni bodoh. Lemah. Loser nak mampus. Sekarang, aku dah malas dah. Aku mixed!

Dan orang campuran, atau Manusia Ubahsuaian, akan mewarisi dunia ini daripada yang lain.

Aku tak pernah rasa tak best sebab aku Melayu.

Melayu-Melayu yang rasa macam tu, semua bodoh. Kalau background aku adalah budak paya, pastu aku lagi best daripada bapak ko, tidakkah itu bukti aku lagi best daripada tok nenek ko? 'Hyang' yang ko sembah tetiap ari tu, aku lagi bagus daripada diorang. Apa ko nak kata?

Bila aku tegur perbuatan sesetengah orang Melayu, adala pulak Melayu yang angst-ridden, suka. Bodoh.

Tujuannya bukan untuk mereject apa dan siapa identiti kau.

Aku Melayu. So? Ramai orang cakap aku macam binatang. So? Ada aku rogol mak kau? Pernah aku paksa nenek ko hisap konek aku?

Adala sikit benda best aku buat, tu pun ada yang dengki. Ceh. Semoga kau dan keluarga kau semua pergi neraka jahanam. Siksalah kau dunia dan akhirat.

Hari-hari sekarang dan mendatang, aku cuma fikirkan kerja aku. Ada banyak lagi benda aku nak buat. Pergi mampuslah Melayu nak terbalik terpukang. Aku cuma berjalan atas denai yang aku fikir lurus. Lebih dari tu, ko boleh pergi mampus.

Cognitive Measures: Regression

Freud said that the first thingy in the psyche thingy when we were babies was that all pleasure come from the mouth. Then, it comes from your ass. And then penis, before learning delayed gratification for the penis.

I have regressed to the ass phase, as most of my focus in my writing right now revolves around my bowel movements.

Iiiiiit's COMING!

I'm gonna take a dump and then a nap. There may be some stuff to do tonight.

This Week's 30 Minutes Over Broadway

I got half an hour to wake up before going for some work thingy.

I'm thinking of taking some time off. Been working like a dog these past couple of months and I need some R&R.

I'll make a decision on Friday night.

My dabblings with the movie industry looks good. One day, I will do something like this:



That's from Hamlet 2 - the greatest movie of 2008.

Obladi, oblada, but tonight, someone is buying me dinner at Bubba Gump, and I plan to get a massage afterwards.

Was About to Sleep...

...when I read this.

A group of bloggers are banding together again. In preparation for another big fight. I only wish they learn some things from the past.

That it is possible to work together for a common cause even while harboring different opinions, values and agendas.

That spirit has been the cornerstone of civilisations where absolute rule is not in the picture.

Me? I'm a lone wolf, which is a weak wolf. One day, they'll come for me and I can't run away to the UK. Thank God/Science/Eywa/Tok Bomoh/Atheismo/The Awareness that I'm just a small fry.

I'm just a kid from a swamp who got a lightsaber and two droids who likes to write stories and movies and TV series.

Feels like old times, though.

So much so, that I went and read this - a blog from one of the most underrated comics writer of all time. John Layman.

Ghost in the Shell: Individual Eleven

I was about to write my take on existentialism and individuality, with reference to conforming to society and religion, but I got more interesting stuff to do as well as some sleep to catch.

If I maintain a three-hour a night sleep average, I might get a heart attack. I'll just meditate for a while and get my six to eight.

See you tomorrow, perhaps over a better connection.

Box Office

A good friend of mine went to the cinemas to watch Magika again today. I didn't ask, but I suspect he brought friends along as well.

Guess what? Tickets were sold out. Hahaha.

Well, this can only be good news. Even though I have no share in the movie's financial success, I am very, very happy that somewhere, some people might be entertained by some scribblings I made in the middle of the night, or be entranced by Edry's songs, maybe even appreciate the wardrobe, the cinematography, the acting, the editing or even the lighting.

Today, I talked to some industry people about a few things, some of them on how to market films internationally. I got some good information and the conversation really opened my eyes. I always appreciate people who share information and knowledge, and that discussion was priceless and motivating.

I look forward to making more movies, telling more stories and acquiring more knowledge and skills. There are lots of people I want to work with, and I find what they do fascinating.

After all, I'm just a swamp boy. Anything I do outside of the swamp is, to me, fucking spectacular already.

Hm. Maybe I should write a story about a swamp.

But first, I need to sleep. Am taking a nap before I start the nightly grind.

Aku Dah Cakap

Aku dah cakap dah. Dah dekat tiga tahun dah. Taknak dengar. Tak pernah dengar.

Oh well.

Aku biasa macam ni. Aku ni, hanya memberikan Kebenaran. Tak nak dengar.

Aku ajar camana nak menang. Tak nak dengar.

Apa boleh aku buat? Akhirnya, semua pikir sendiri la.

Directors I Like

1. Justin Reitner

2. Zack Snyder

3. Gu-Guliher-susah-nak-eja del Toro

4. John-Pierre Jeunet (hopefully, I got this right)

5. The guy who directed 'Babe'.

Days of Future Past

As I waited for my next interview, I fingered the maitre' d - non-sexually, of course - and ordered fresh coconuts.

It's not as fresh as I expected. Oh well. It's like that.

The only thing that has stayed with me all these years has been myself. People come and go. Thoughts, emotions, all of them passed me by. Situations, good and bad fortunes. All of them, only flashes in the pan.

Me? I'm like Vandall Savage. Like R'as Al-Ghul. I'll always be around. For me.

Let the fuckers burn. I'll pave my own path. Build my own kingdom. And wear my crown on a troubled brow.

The Invincible Dark Iron Knight

Bruce Stark is at his Cafe of Solitude.

Battle Girl just left, shedding lots of hair.

"Next on the agenda, the Ultimate interview," he thought. "I need to make my way to Lanna Thai, which is just 50 metres away. Go go girl, pogo stick!"

Toing! Toing! Toing!

Sleeper Hold

Have not been getting much sleep recently - on average about three hours a night - so I forced myself to shut down for eight full hours of rest. I think.

I had to meditate and control my breathing before I can dive into a world filled with weird characters and crazy Euclidean planes.

These days, I dream of weird architecture. Houses that look like hardened melted marshmallows. I go in, and there are spiralling staircases everywhere.

There was also a house which had no walls or roofs. Just lines to suggest barriers. For some reason, inside that 'building', I felt the urge to take a dump. And the toilet was open. People in the dining room complained about the smell.

And then it rained.

The last one I went to last night, in my dreams, was underground, but when I got in, it was underwater. I flushed the toilet and saw my shit being eaten by stupid fish, through glasses in the wall.

Internet Down! Medic! Medic!

I woke up and my Internet is busted. Have to go to DiGi today. Might as well buy a printer too.

Got a full day, today. As full as it can be. Man oh man oh man.

I am the Lord of Destruction! A barbarian at the gates! Dream-powered reality machine! Swamp Thing!

And now, I need to take a dump.

Mabuk-Mabuk Kepayang: Syaitan Terlepas Kandang

Dan syaitan pun terlepas...

Tales from the Drunk Side: Triple H

It's all about the game, and how you play it.

All about control, and see if you can take it.

I am the game, and you don't want to play me.

I am heavy debt, no way you can pay me.

DESTRUCTION!

Anthropomorphic Personification

I am the anthropomorphic personification of Dream and Destruction, Destiny and Delirium.

Let's do the fusion dance!

Tales from the Drunk Side: Lord of Destruction

Ah, this feels familiar. Checking out someone's ass-dents through her skirt.

Worried girls make me chuckle. Worried of the world caving in, destroying everything they've ever worked for.

Me? I know Destruction is inevitable. One day, the sun will turn into a red giant and engulf Earth.

Before that happens, most of us - perhaps all - would have been long dead.

For some of you, death is sooner than you think.

Remember Sun Tzu's isolated land.

Book of Genesis

In the beginning, there was a modem.

The first modem in my village, and it was 14.4kbps. And it was a dial-up.

Which meant that downloading porn - any porn - took hours. A three second video could take two hours to download. Remember, this was before YouTube.

One day, I downloaded a 13 minute porn video. It was my greatest achievement that year, as I had no online time to do anything else.

Thought of the Day

No matter how many times you see it, and from whichever angle, Maricar Reyes sure knows how to fuck.

Ladies, please take note. That woman is a master, I mean, a mistress of carnal pleasures. Now THAT's how we fucking roll!

Insomniac

I woke up to a storm of calls. Seven in five minutes. Please, if it's not for a morning engagement or assignment, do not contact me in the morning.

I'm not really a morning person. Stayed up till 6am last night. I catch naps during the day just to stave off heart attacks and make sure my brain gets enough serotonin.

In fact, if they sell serotonin, I'd inject it straight to my brain. Then, I wouldn't have to sleep.

I know enough of human physiology to know what happens inside the body.

I am that damn good.

Now, for a nap.

MySpy Lagi

Aku ada salinan DVD original MySpy, jadi aku tengok balik. Sempat sampai first act je malam ni. Nak tido dah.

Banyak benda aku miss masa aku tengok dulu. Macam, hiasan dalam bilik AJ dan Salleh. Pakaian, makeup dan persembahan para pelakon yang bersungguh-sungguh bawak dialog aku.

Aku masih bangga dengan MySpy. Homage aku untuk filem-filem Hong Kong zaman 80an, macam Aces Go Places, Tricky Master dan karya Benny Hill.

Memanglah, bukan kerja aku semua. Gila ramai orang nak pakai untuk buat filem ni. Masa aku jumpa diorang, nampak macam geng yang best.

Aku masih tergelak kat lawak sendiri. Malu la sikit, tapi nak buat camana? Sesetengah dialog tu, pelakon atau pengarah tukar sendiri atau tambah, jadikan lagi bagus daripada apa yang aku tulis asal.

Banyak benda aku belajar hanya daripada menengok bagaimana pengkarya filem sebenar membuat filem dengan betul. Yelah. Aku outsider je masa tu. Baru nak start buat filem. TV pernah la. Animation, memang pernah. Kerja pertama aku dulu buat skrip animation.

Sekali lagi aku nak ucapkan terima kasih kepada semua yang terlibat buat semua filem yang aku tulis. Budi korang semua aku takleh balas. Nak belanja makan pun, aku bukannya banyak duit sangat.

Aku cuma rasa terharu benda yang aku tulis sampai tak tidur, ada jugak orang usahakan sampai jadi filem. Menjadi pulak tu.

Kalau diberikan peluang, aku nak buat filem lagi. Aku nak tulis. Banyak lagi benda aku nak belajar.

Ada orang offer aku direct, tapi offer tu aku KIV dulu. Aku rasa macam aku kena buat lagi banyak preparation. Besar tanggungjawab nak mengarah filem ni. Nak co-direct, berani la aku.

Sorry la beb. Aku budak kampung je. Duduk tepi paya. Memang aku tak bajet apa aku tulis jadi filem. Hahahaha. Memang menggelabah habis la. Hahaha.

Tapi best! Muahahaha!

Nominations

Old news, and a bit repetitive, but I did some stuff for KRU, and they got 17 nominations from three films - two of which, Magika and MySpy - I worked on directly. I wrote the scripts. There are many more who were involved. It was a team effort, after all.

I wasn't nominated, but I am proud that projects I was involved in got so many nominations.

Magika is also the most successful movie of the three, reportedly getting RM3.3 million after three weeks. Not bad. Not bad at all. If I do say so myself. And I do.

Muahahaha.

Watch out for my next stuff. Next projects. It has been seven years since my first script job - an animation thing. I'll do more, hopefully.

And maybe one day, I'll get nominated and win some awards myself, God/Science/Awareness/Eywa/Atheismo willing. I have my speeches ready. Hey, what can I do?

Maybe one day, I'll get to the Oscars. It doesn't hurt to dream, as long as it doesn't become poisonous desire.

Anyway, I am happy. Cheers!

Profiler

I see people judging and profiling other people, sometimes perhaps for police work, marketing, or sometimes maybe for fun, and I always think, "Amateurs."

I have spent countless years (30) profiling people.

I find that the Aristotlian method of bag-and-tag as inadequate. Whenever I profile or judge people, I observe their issues.

Humans are flawed creatures. They always compensate for something. Take me, for instance.

My obsession with The Truth stems from the fact that I enjoy making up stories and seeing them turn into movies or TV series. It is also my rejection of the world for comic books as The Truth is something comic book character Spider Jerusalem believes in.

My intelligence is built on a platform of fear - the fear of being stupid. My rejection of being lumped together with the intelligentsia community stems from a need - a poisonous desire - to be more intelligent and real than those considered to be smart.

My megalomania comes from deep-seated childhood issues where I felt inadequate because of all the swamp kids, I was the most bookish and geeky.

My whole career in communication and the media is because I had difficulties communicating my ideas. In my early adult life, I simply said 'blah blah blah' a lot to dismiss certain things I did not wish to explain in detail due to the fear of not being able to communicate properly.

Some people have mommy issues (Oedipus complex) or daddy issues (Elektra complex) which they try to fill with something else. Usually a surrogate in the form of that person or trait they are lacking or miss or can't get enough of.

Some people, are stuck in high school. At the height of their powers back then, nowadays they just try to relive those past glories.

Some people become extra manly to hide homosexual tendencies. Others feign happiness and a cheerful persona to hide an emo, despairing disposition.

People project strength to hide weaknesses. Confidence to hide confusion. Blah blah blah. It doesn't mean that everyone is opposite of what they say they are. I'm just pointing out certain possible paradoxes. If you think humans are simple to understand simply by not believeing them, then stop reading and kill yourself. You're an idiot.

Now, what makes it more complicated is when you throw these dysfunctional people (and everyone is dysfunctional, as the normal person is just an idea which exists only as an idea) into groups. This is where it gets interesting.

Some people set themselves up, so they can fulfil a pathological need to be victims. Victims are sometimes people with a deep sense of self-loathing. They believe they need to be punished, so they set themselves up for failure, betrayal - essentially they self-sabotage themselves.

I said sometimes, cause some people are real victims, sometimes. How do you find them? If even after being victimised, they don't relish being in the role. They don't wallow in it. Victims who are addicted to the role, they have issues.

You can't fool me. Know why? Cause been there, done that. Hahahahaha.

When people talk, it is almost always in relation to themselves. All people ever talk about is concerning themselves. It's all about me. Me me me me me me.

Even while attacking other people, they talk only of themselves. Even when describing other people, it is in relation to themselves.

All the craziness I have explained, I have experienced first-hand. Either in it, or a revulsion to it, which means it is in there, somewhere.

So be careful when judging other people, because end of the day, you are simply judging yourself.

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. Said Jesus Christ. What he meant was probably not that if you judge people, people will judge you back. That's simplistic thinking. It means - to me - that with only ourselves as a valid comparison, whenever we judge other people, or profile them, we are merely profiling parts of ourselves and our psyche.

Which goes to show how complex each human mind is. We are made up of so many things. It would take multiple lifetimes to analyse even a single person, and even then it would not be enough.

"Facets," wrote Neil Gaiman, on the human condition.

At any one time, we only see one facet of a person. One side. It's like the Heisenberg theory. You can now either the location or the momentum of a thing, but not both.

From wikipedia:

It is impossible to determine simultaneously both the position and momentum of an electron or any other particle with any great degree of accuracy or certainty.

And that is only concerning two values. Two facets. Imagine if a person has a billion facets. And each facet is worth a book or two.

Can you read all of that? Impossible, or perhaps highly improbable.

Despite all this, it is possible to draw people as two-dimensional caricatures and derive as well as extrapolate their moves. It is highly flawed, judgemental and arrogant to do so, but I can't stop anyone from doing so.

This is the root of racism and bias. And, rejecting the rest of the facets in favour of just a few, means rejecting the person. It also means rejecting ourselves and the universe, which is, fundementally the same, as we are our own universes.

If you go spiritual, you can say that the Awareness - or God - experiences the universe through us. If God can exist anywhere and everywhere at once (omnipresent) then God is also within us. SInce God is also the universe, there is no reason to exclude that from our being. We are all connected through the Awareness.

If you go technical, judgmental people are douchebags. And that, is also a profiling act.

Devil in the Gateway

"Amir," said the Devil.

Me: Yes?

Devil: I did you a favour.

Me: And?

Devil: I want you to return the favour.

Me: But -

Devil: I would not ask you to do anything that runs counter to your sense of honour. In fact, for that, I will ask you to do two things that would not conflict with your sense of honour, justice or morality.

Me: And you are the devil.

Devil: That, I am. Have I, unlike so many others, pretended to be someone else?

Me: Your deals... always come with a catch.

Devil: Oh, it is no deal. I am not offering you anything you might want. In fact, I cannot give you what you want.

Me: So?

Devil: I am appealing, only to your nature. To always try to repay favours. To keep your word.

Me: You... believe in my word?

Devil: You have never lied.

Me: Very well. I promise that if I feel like it, I will do your two favours.

Devil: Good enough for me.

Death: The Time of Your Life

And Death told me, "Enjoy it, Amir."

And I did. I am.

Muahahahahahahaha!

My world has expanded exponentially. I take broad views, so I get the big picture.

I find that somehow, for things I like, I can create time and space. I am blessed with talent and I am thankful for that by using it. I thought it was a sin to use it, because it would put me at an unfair advantage, but after pop psychology, I suffer from no survivor's guilt or regret.

I still help people out. A few bad apples won't change me from my ways. But the first criteria is for them to help themselves, and for not being evil.

I abhor evil, but also accept that it is intrinsic in all of us. Is intrinsic the right word? I think so.

These days, I focus on doing things for me. Because what's good for me is also good for the universe. Trust me. I am not as petty as the purebloods. I am not as narrow-minded.

As Lord of Destruction, I merely observe change. It is not my business to start.

I'm like Briadach of the Lilim in exile. I see the seed and the rot. Beginnings and endings. Which are, essentially, sometimes, one and the same.

A lot of people think me stupid. A lot more think me mad. Perhaps I am all of those. I do not care.

The only thing I know, the only thing that matters to me right now, is that I am on my own path. I shall carve a kingdom with my own two hands, and wear my crown upon a troubled brow.

Because I am a barbarian. Barbarian at the gates!

Glee Episode 4

After the heavy issues in Episode 3 (homosexuality, religion, grilled sandwiches), Glee's Episode 4 of Season 2 is now just about singing. Well, I find myself almost forwarding stuff every time they go for character development. Almost.

I just want to hear their songs. I wanna listen to new arrangements, their takes on classic showtunes as well as more contemporary music. Aside from Brittany and Rachel as well as Finn, I have stopped caring for most of the characters.

I really don't care what happens to them. I just want them to sing. That's it.

Shut up and sing.

Sing for me.

Monday Prayers

O Lord Gaiman.

Bless me with creative juices and the balls with which to write them down. I already have them, but more is always welcome.

And give me the money which is enough for me to retire early. So I can write more.

Is that you, Lord?

Staples

I've always been fascinated with staples and staplers.

It's basically a system where a thin metal thing pushes down a wire cut out from an unclosed box, so that the two ends of the wire go through stuff and bind at the back due to another metal thing that curves the ends, making a weird pattern.

This is why, 70% of staples I steal from my friends and colleagues, were never used on paper.

Don't get me started on TV sets.

Ghost in the Shell: Innocence

I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. Hehehe.

I was at home, cleaning my dick. My dick is clean, and that is due to hours spent making sure every inch of it is properly cleaned and smells nice.

Care for my dick is of the utmost importance. It is my primary source of joy and happiness. I am happy with my dick, and my dick is happy with me.

On to my balls. My balls smell really nice. It is also very, very clean.

My whole apartment might look as if a burglar tossed it, but my dick and my scrotum look and feel clean.

I love my balls and dick.

Offensive Content

I once really offended a tudunged Malay chick by telling her exactly what I think of the family unit and the - as I put it - great delusion that family is the center of the universe.

Perhaps this happened more times than I suspect, but in my youth, I often complained about that. People's reaction, of course.

I asked some wise women and tried to reason out why they reacted so strongly.

"Your action," said one, "was like taking a hammer to the center of their universe, and you simply shattered their great illusion of the world. No one likes their world destroyed."

Hm.

This is when I discovered how powerful I am. That with a mere thought, I could destroy other people's worlds or images of their world.

In comparison, my world was already destroyed when I discovered that people don't act like they do in cartoons.

The fact that I have an independent mind, independent thoughts and think of things that may run counter to some people's understanding of things, seems to be a threat.

I am, by default, just by existing, a fly in the ointment. Someone who will not see things their way. I do not share their values. My values are my own.

I do not believe that setting myself up as a victim holds me in any high regard. I don't hold being held in high regard, in high regard.

I used to complain about it, until I decided not to care. There are racists who believe themselves liberal. There are selfish bastards who believe themselves benevolent and charitable. There are untrustworthy people who believe that they are honourable.

And I, I believed I was harmless, until I found out that merely by thinking it, I can destroy people.

Perhaps, instead of a superhero, my true vocation lies in being a supervillain.

But nah.

I don't actually care that much. I just want to do stories. Everything and everyone else, what they think and what they feel, are in the end, irrelevant.

Storm's A-Brewin'

Friends, Romulans, countrymen...

Lend me your ears!

I sense a great storm is coming. On ALL fronts. I mean ALL.

The great political doomsday machines are being cranked up. The economy, meanwhile, needs either a stimulus injection, a revolution or a scapegoat.

Brother will rise against brother. And seven thunders will utter their voices in unison. A star will fall unto earth, like a lamp. Woe, woe, woe to the denizens of the earth.

Will any of us survive?

I'm not a survivor. I live. And all who live will one day die.

I'm just a writer, and I will do what I do best. Cause I'm the best at what I do.

Addiction

I am addicted to Facebook.

I started it as a means to keep in touch with many friends who have left the country. Now, I don't miss them anymore. I'm too busy with other stuff.

And the thing has become something I do on a regular basis, just because it is there on my Blackberry.

I'm removing it from my phone and am considering deleting my account altogether.

It's time to hanker down and do a lot more work than suual, after I catch up on some sleep.

See you after the breach!

The Catalogue

Somebody asked me, "What kind of stories do you want to do? What do you have in your back pocket?"

My first thought was, "My ass?" And then I got thoughtful.

Well, I have many tales and stories I have always wanted to do. Some of them are half-written. Some exist as scribblings while others are entirely inside my head. A few are in full proposal mode.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Usually, it is to push us humans towards awareness.

The people I've met and circumstances have pushed me into digging up all these old stories I had fun with, in my youth.

I told them my tales of giant robots on distant planets. Benevolent observers here on earth, the reason for Atlantis getting submerged, a reworking of an alternate history of the world, a place where all stories interact.

I have many more. Reverse invasion. Cloak and dagger in Malaysia. Schrodinger's Cat for the Jews - a tale that spans millions of years with a bunch of immortals.

A man who believes he is the center of the universe. A love story spanning 30 years about two people in different locations who only meet once every decade.

Give me funding. I'll write them all. And in the darkness, bind them.

Beware the Ides of the Imperial March

Well?

It's on like Donkey Kong.

I wanna have a go at it myself.

It's gonna be like, "In a world, where humans breathe air through their noses, ONE MAN dares to suck it."

What have I got to lose?

Keep on talking, cause I'm just walking. I'll keep on walking, fool!

I'm a dream-powered motherfucker. A barbarian. Barbarian at the gates! Of Hell!

Rabble! Rabble-rabble! Rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble-rabble!

Dreamscape

Some dreams, stay with you, as vivid and fresh as the time you were asleep.

Dreams that I remember over the years have me strapped to a gurney. I was a Government experiment, and I ran away to the suburbs. I could levitate a little, hovering a few inches off the surface.

I remember feeling really good, and then really scared, as Government agents came to get me. I hovered and climbed high on the celings, all the while starpped to the gurney.

When I was high on top, everyone tried to snipe me down, with rubber bands.

I usually the end the dream by waking up as I explode and cause the second or third big bang.

Freedom Floater: Religion

I just came back from watching some documentaries at Freedom Film Fest.

One documentary in particular caught my eye. It is about the cow's head protest issue and the temple relocation thing.

It is a good documentary which balanced the issue really well.

I believe that issues pertaining to religion in this country will one day cause a lot of bloodshed, if it hasn't already (some events come to mind).

The problem is (and this is not covered by the documentary but my own musings), people - all of us - are so hung up about what other people think of our beliefs.

Why?

If you believe in what you belive in as The Truth, why bother?

1. If it is The Truth, it is The Truth. Nothing people say or think can change it.

2. You can NEVER change people's minds, when they have made up their minds about you or other things.

So give it up, already.

I mean, in a world where everybody believes in what I believe in, I would have a horde of nubile young women sucking my dick right now. Because I believe that a horde of nubile young women should be sucking my dick right now.

I do not agree with what a lot of people believe in. Deep down inside, I think that what other people believe in is wrong and sometimes stupid. But that does not mean I would go and stop them from believing in whatever they believe in.

That would go against my notion of freedom.

For example, I do not believe anyone knows EXACTLY what happens after we die. But if some people believe that they do, I might mock them in my head, but I have never stopped them.

In fact, I'm with Lucifer on this.

"I have never made any one of them do anything!"

- Lucifer Morningstar, The Sandman Comics (Season of Mists), by Neil Gaiman.

That's what I don't get. I mean, I can't control what I feel or think, but I can control my actions. To condemn me - as some have - on what I think and believe in is akin to the thoughtpolice in Orwell's 1984.

I have thought of many evil things about other people's belief systems. For example, stuff like "I don't drink alcohol, but I will take this bribe." or "I don't eat pork, not regularly, but I will drink alcohol."

To me, these are contradictory and stupid. But at the end of the day, they are just my beliefs, and most of the time, I keep it to myself, unless I am surrounded by trusted friends.

Remember:

I have never made any one of you do anything.

I absolve myself of any responsibility or authority on what other people think or say or believe in.

I am just one man. A very good-looking man, but a man nonetheless. Your life, as well as your death, is your own.

Glee!

I am waiting for the fourth episode of Glee.

The first three episodes were so-so, but the songs are as fun as ever.

Episode one was about expansion, the second was the Britney episode while the third got heavy with issues of religion, faith, homosexuality and some really good renditions.

Oops! My ride is here! See ya later!