Beware! Atheists walk amongst us! They also believe in the future, pertaining to some predictions about certain future events. They say that these future events will affect us... in the future!*
Atheists believe in the god Atheismo. They believe that Atheismo created the world between 13.5 to 14 billion years ago.
However, since the Great Atheismo has confidence issues, he does not recognise his handiwork or his involvement in the creation of the universe.
"I was just, you know, messing around," he said, in an interview. "It was just... random."
And so Atheismo slept on the final billionth year, leaving things to unfold as they would. He also died, but death ahs never had a hold on Atheismo.
Atheists wait for the day when Atheismo will wake up from his slumber and gobble the world up entirely.
The crazed poet Abi Al-Hazred wrote, "In his house, in sunken R'lyeh, dead Atheismo lies dreaming.
"That is not dead with which eternal lie, and with strange Ians, even death may die."
It is believed that the 'strange Ian' is in fact, Globetrekker Ian Wright. That one day, he will travel to the prophesised R'lyeh and wake up Atheismo.
An ancient sacred video called Futurama credits Atheismo as one of the great Gods prayed to in the distant future.
* Research Ed Wood
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Half-Time
I just completed 12 hours of work. Mostly work. I did have lunch. Twice. And dinner. And tea.
Anyway, I have been up for 12 hours and been working straight, and my day has only half concluded.
This other half, will be spent on preparing for the next day. It would have been terrible, if it weren't for the fact that yesterday, I already prepared for today. Meaning, everything was half done.
The only difference is, today's preparations are two-fold. I have an important meeting in the morning, which may mean myself getting some shut-eye at 1am and waking up at 5am to prepare, or it could just mean I will plow through everything right now. Judging by the fact that I already bought three packs of cigarettes and two bottles of tea, it will be the latter.
Today, was a good day. I met an old friend. And I made a new friend in the form of the Blackberry Bold.
Everything is moving forward on ALL fronts. I couldn't believe it, but by 10pm, there was no more drama, nothing else for me to take care of. Just waiting for some things to finish their course.
I rarely have moments with which to catch my breath, and a period of no drama left me almost light-headed.
I believe that everything I worked for these past several years are finally beginning to come together.
I mean, I did not have a plan. I learned the futility of planning early on.
My earliest plans were to be a hournalist for eight years, start writing comics, then, books, and after that, TV series and movies. I could never do what Neil Gaiman (cbuh) did, but I was content to try.
Then, I decided to become Mr Lim Chang Moh.
Mr Lim Chang Moh is a legend amongst Malaysian journalists. He reviewed movies for like, 35 years or something like that.
My plan was, way back in 2004, was to keep on working at The Malay Mail until I die of lung cancer.
Two years later, I felt the compelling urge to leave. And so I did. The only thing I had with me was my last month's salary, some RM20,000 in debts a friend owed me, as well as charity and goodwill from some of my former bosses.
The first day I was without a job, I walked the streets of KL, taking in the dirt and the smoke and the smell of hot asphalt and carburetor dung. I felt invincible - a being of limitless potential.
Though truth be told, I was involved with some conmen who raised my hopes and dashed them on the rocks of reality and despair.
I learned, quickly, that my time and energy are precious. I can't waste them on pipe dreams of others and bullshit.
My father back then had suffered his second and third strokes. He recovered. My father has always recovered, confounding all the doctors we took him to. No disease could ever get him down. Once, they only gave him six months to five years to live. Now, 30 years later, he still takes care of his one acre land. Alone.
Back then, though, I was wondering to myself, "For how long?"
He did his part. I mean, he was not the greatest father in the world. But he gave it his best shot. What was my best shot?
Back then, I was fuelled with anger, hate and despair. I see kids nowadays, and they deal with anger, hate and despair. If I could, I would tell them that it doesn't always work. That sometimes, most of the times, anger, hate and despair can only beget more anger, hate and despair.
Suspicion, paranoia, and an unending desire to be THE ONE. That's like trying to empty the ocean with a plastic bucket.
And then, an old woman comes and pees in the ocean.
"Every little bit helps," said the old woman. (This is Neil Gaiman's (cbuh) favourite... quote? story? thing. His favourite thing. Or was it Alan Moore (cbuh)? ANyway,)
And then, you're left there, holding the bucket. Why don't you kick it as well?
I made friends, I lost some. To hate, anger, despair. SOme of them, my own. I also met some really excellent people. Badabing, badaboom.
I had plans, but they never come true. The good thing is that things always work out for the best, whether I like it or not. I guess, I am lucky. And for that I am thankful.
My story is not yet over. I don't think it is.
I know that tonight, I got lots more to do. But first, The Daily Porn.
Anyway, I have been up for 12 hours and been working straight, and my day has only half concluded.
This other half, will be spent on preparing for the next day. It would have been terrible, if it weren't for the fact that yesterday, I already prepared for today. Meaning, everything was half done.
The only difference is, today's preparations are two-fold. I have an important meeting in the morning, which may mean myself getting some shut-eye at 1am and waking up at 5am to prepare, or it could just mean I will plow through everything right now. Judging by the fact that I already bought three packs of cigarettes and two bottles of tea, it will be the latter.
Today, was a good day. I met an old friend. And I made a new friend in the form of the Blackberry Bold.
Everything is moving forward on ALL fronts. I couldn't believe it, but by 10pm, there was no more drama, nothing else for me to take care of. Just waiting for some things to finish their course.
I rarely have moments with which to catch my breath, and a period of no drama left me almost light-headed.
I believe that everything I worked for these past several years are finally beginning to come together.
I mean, I did not have a plan. I learned the futility of planning early on.
My earliest plans were to be a hournalist for eight years, start writing comics, then, books, and after that, TV series and movies. I could never do what Neil Gaiman (cbuh) did, but I was content to try.
Then, I decided to become Mr Lim Chang Moh.
Mr Lim Chang Moh is a legend amongst Malaysian journalists. He reviewed movies for like, 35 years or something like that.
My plan was, way back in 2004, was to keep on working at The Malay Mail until I die of lung cancer.
Two years later, I felt the compelling urge to leave. And so I did. The only thing I had with me was my last month's salary, some RM20,000 in debts a friend owed me, as well as charity and goodwill from some of my former bosses.
The first day I was without a job, I walked the streets of KL, taking in the dirt and the smoke and the smell of hot asphalt and carburetor dung. I felt invincible - a being of limitless potential.
Though truth be told, I was involved with some conmen who raised my hopes and dashed them on the rocks of reality and despair.
I learned, quickly, that my time and energy are precious. I can't waste them on pipe dreams of others and bullshit.
My father back then had suffered his second and third strokes. He recovered. My father has always recovered, confounding all the doctors we took him to. No disease could ever get him down. Once, they only gave him six months to five years to live. Now, 30 years later, he still takes care of his one acre land. Alone.
Back then, though, I was wondering to myself, "For how long?"
He did his part. I mean, he was not the greatest father in the world. But he gave it his best shot. What was my best shot?
Back then, I was fuelled with anger, hate and despair. I see kids nowadays, and they deal with anger, hate and despair. If I could, I would tell them that it doesn't always work. That sometimes, most of the times, anger, hate and despair can only beget more anger, hate and despair.
Suspicion, paranoia, and an unending desire to be THE ONE. That's like trying to empty the ocean with a plastic bucket.
And then, an old woman comes and pees in the ocean.
"Every little bit helps," said the old woman. (This is Neil Gaiman's (cbuh) favourite... quote? story? thing. His favourite thing. Or was it Alan Moore (cbuh)? ANyway,)
And then, you're left there, holding the bucket. Why don't you kick it as well?
I made friends, I lost some. To hate, anger, despair. SOme of them, my own. I also met some really excellent people. Badabing, badaboom.
I had plans, but they never come true. The good thing is that things always work out for the best, whether I like it or not. I guess, I am lucky. And for that I am thankful.
My story is not yet over. I don't think it is.
I know that tonight, I got lots more to do. But first, The Daily Porn.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Anarchists' Notebook
Well, no development is good development.
No more churches getting burned. Well, to be fair, they were not burned to the ground. Just scorched walls. And no one is dead. Yet. And for that, we are thankful.
The arsonists were too stupid. First, they got some wrong churches. It's the Catholics who want to use the name Allah, you dumbasses! Not the Protestants.
And like I said, Molotov Cocktails are only for people. It's a personnel incendiary bomb. If you want to destroy buildings, you need something with a bigger bang.
My recommendation: nitro-glycerine. Basically, dynamite. It is so reactive, though, that you might just blow yourself up when you try to make it. Which is good news for everyone.
Terrorism without knowledge is just plain stupid.
Next time you want to blow up something, come to uncle Amir.
The arsonists were stupid. And all the people commenting on the issue are also equally stupid.
All they do is fan the fire. For what? So that one day, people will die? I know enough about religion to realise that it is grounds for murder. You don't mess with religion. Any religion.
Think about it. People who are otherwise so rational suddenly believes in a talking snake. THAT's what you're dealing with.
And then, there are atheists. Oooohhh, I hate atheists.
Some background information. Atheism is a religion in worship of the Great Atheismo. They believe that Atheismo created the world in three billion years, resting for the last billion years or so.
The Atheists believe they know what happens after you die. How dare they? How would anyone know what happens after you die? Are they dead? They do not have mental powers you and I do not have. They are so fucking arrogant. They threaten our egos, and our egos must retaliate by killing all Atheists!
Kill all Atheists! Those Atheismo cock-sucking motherfuckers must be hated on and destroyed!
Why? For fun, really. When you de-humanise people, it is easy to kill them in cold-blood. Any reason to par-tay!
Yay.
Fuck Atheismo. Atheismo can kiss my ass. Toss my salad, motherfucker!
No more churches getting burned. Well, to be fair, they were not burned to the ground. Just scorched walls. And no one is dead. Yet. And for that, we are thankful.
The arsonists were too stupid. First, they got some wrong churches. It's the Catholics who want to use the name Allah, you dumbasses! Not the Protestants.
And like I said, Molotov Cocktails are only for people. It's a personnel incendiary bomb. If you want to destroy buildings, you need something with a bigger bang.
My recommendation: nitro-glycerine. Basically, dynamite. It is so reactive, though, that you might just blow yourself up when you try to make it. Which is good news for everyone.
Terrorism without knowledge is just plain stupid.
Next time you want to blow up something, come to uncle Amir.
The arsonists were stupid. And all the people commenting on the issue are also equally stupid.
All they do is fan the fire. For what? So that one day, people will die? I know enough about religion to realise that it is grounds for murder. You don't mess with religion. Any religion.
Think about it. People who are otherwise so rational suddenly believes in a talking snake. THAT's what you're dealing with.
And then, there are atheists. Oooohhh, I hate atheists.
Some background information. Atheism is a religion in worship of the Great Atheismo. They believe that Atheismo created the world in three billion years, resting for the last billion years or so.
The Atheists believe they know what happens after you die. How dare they? How would anyone know what happens after you die? Are they dead? They do not have mental powers you and I do not have. They are so fucking arrogant. They threaten our egos, and our egos must retaliate by killing all Atheists!
Kill all Atheists! Those Atheismo cock-sucking motherfuckers must be hated on and destroyed!
Why? For fun, really. When you de-humanise people, it is easy to kill them in cold-blood. Any reason to par-tay!
Yay.
Fuck Atheismo. Atheismo can kiss my ass. Toss my salad, motherfucker!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Malaysian Dream
I thought that, with all the church-burning and stuff, we need to do what Malaysians do best - come up with a slogan.
A slogan will solve everything.
So I thought of doing, The Malaysian Dream. Cause the way I see it, Malaysians don't dream. Pak Lah slept a lot, in public - for God knows what hours he was pulling behind closed doors. I'll give him that - but he didn't dream of anything. Maybe just nightmares.
Now, The American Dream was never really quantified. A chicken in every pot, two cars in every garage? That's just bullshit.
Having a dream revolving around some THING or person, or even chicken, is stupid. because that's just pure desire.
Towering Malay is a stupid concept. If you tower over everyone else, what the fuck are you gonna do? Play basketball? Change a lightbulb?
You see, the desire for pride, is a dangerous thing. The desire for respect, is a dangerous thing. The desire for more land, space and resources drove the world's nations to destroy and rape the Earth.
Desire is always dangerous.
I hear people saying they have dreams. I ask them, "What dreams do you have?"
"I want a Ferrari."
"Before I'm 30, I'm gonna be a millionaire."
Most of the time, they fail. They are still failing. Where are their Ferraris? Where are their million bucks? They're STILL losers.
A dream, encapsulated by desire, is a poison pill.
That poison works even if you DO get a Ferrari or a million bucks. You'll never be truly satisfied. You'll never be happy.
I know dreams, man. If there's one thing I know, it's dreams. Cause I read comic books where the main character is the anthropomorphic personification of dreams.
His greatest enemy? Desire. For there is a difference. Desire lives in the heart. Dreams exist in sleep. The subconscious.
To have a dream, is not to have a longing, to have a desire, but to have a vision of what you want.
And want, is not the all-consuming American Dream capitalist want. The normal want usually can only be fulfilled with something you take or given to you. It is dependent. Not free. Bound with a lot of conditions.
You know the old, cliched adage of the more you give, the more you have? That's the key to The Malaysian Dream.
Fuck chickens and cars, man. I don't have a car. I like chicken, but anyway.
I think the best dream is the dream of being happy. Happiness does not require anyTHING from anyONE.
For example, there are people who don't like me or are jealous of me. People who HATE me.
You know what I do to those people?
I don't see them. I turn my face from them. They do not exist. If they enter my circle of existence, it will only be for brief moments. I refuse to allow any of them to matter. They are less than human. They are less than organic matter. They are less than shit.
And I do it, not with emotion or any type of hatred. Or spitefulness. To me, they just don't exist. I can act or don't act without any emotion, which can make me extremely cold-blooded.
Who is your God now?
So anyway, a dream that works. A dream that works is a dream of happiness. Nothing, no one can stop you from being happy right now. I'm not talking about tomorrow or yesterday. I'm talking about now. Right now.
I dream of being happy, and I am happy. I live my own dream. I live a dream. And that is happiness.
When you are free of misery and insecurities and spite and jealousy, you can finally be happy.
A simple dream. A simple slogan. As the greatest sloganeer in the world, I think The Malaysian Dream can stop church-burnings and surau attacks.
A slogan will solve everything.
So I thought of doing, The Malaysian Dream. Cause the way I see it, Malaysians don't dream. Pak Lah slept a lot, in public - for God knows what hours he was pulling behind closed doors. I'll give him that - but he didn't dream of anything. Maybe just nightmares.
Now, The American Dream was never really quantified. A chicken in every pot, two cars in every garage? That's just bullshit.
Having a dream revolving around some THING or person, or even chicken, is stupid. because that's just pure desire.
Towering Malay is a stupid concept. If you tower over everyone else, what the fuck are you gonna do? Play basketball? Change a lightbulb?
You see, the desire for pride, is a dangerous thing. The desire for respect, is a dangerous thing. The desire for more land, space and resources drove the world's nations to destroy and rape the Earth.
Desire is always dangerous.
I hear people saying they have dreams. I ask them, "What dreams do you have?"
"I want a Ferrari."
"Before I'm 30, I'm gonna be a millionaire."
Most of the time, they fail. They are still failing. Where are their Ferraris? Where are their million bucks? They're STILL losers.
A dream, encapsulated by desire, is a poison pill.
That poison works even if you DO get a Ferrari or a million bucks. You'll never be truly satisfied. You'll never be happy.
I know dreams, man. If there's one thing I know, it's dreams. Cause I read comic books where the main character is the anthropomorphic personification of dreams.
His greatest enemy? Desire. For there is a difference. Desire lives in the heart. Dreams exist in sleep. The subconscious.
To have a dream, is not to have a longing, to have a desire, but to have a vision of what you want.
And want, is not the all-consuming American Dream capitalist want. The normal want usually can only be fulfilled with something you take or given to you. It is dependent. Not free. Bound with a lot of conditions.
You know the old, cliched adage of the more you give, the more you have? That's the key to The Malaysian Dream.
Fuck chickens and cars, man. I don't have a car. I like chicken, but anyway.
I think the best dream is the dream of being happy. Happiness does not require anyTHING from anyONE.
For example, there are people who don't like me or are jealous of me. People who HATE me.
You know what I do to those people?
I don't see them. I turn my face from them. They do not exist. If they enter my circle of existence, it will only be for brief moments. I refuse to allow any of them to matter. They are less than human. They are less than organic matter. They are less than shit.
And I do it, not with emotion or any type of hatred. Or spitefulness. To me, they just don't exist. I can act or don't act without any emotion, which can make me extremely cold-blooded.
Who is your God now?
So anyway, a dream that works. A dream that works is a dream of happiness. Nothing, no one can stop you from being happy right now. I'm not talking about tomorrow or yesterday. I'm talking about now. Right now.
I dream of being happy, and I am happy. I live my own dream. I live a dream. And that is happiness.
When you are free of misery and insecurities and spite and jealousy, you can finally be happy.
A simple dream. A simple slogan. As the greatest sloganeer in the world, I think The Malaysian Dream can stop church-burnings and surau attacks.
Tales from the Drunk Side: Will It Float?
Let's play David Letterman's most popular game. Willll it flooaaaaattt?!
Okay, so some people are saying that the Government is stupid. They are saying that if you work in the Government, you have the IQ of a sponge.
Okay, fine.
And then, they also say that all this church-burning (and now with a surau thrown in as well) bullshit is a major conspiracy by the Government.
Now, I'm no fan of the Government, but it would take sheer genius to pull off such a thing. The amount of people involved, the coordination, the idea, etc.
So. Decide. Is the Government stupid, or are they fucking geniuses? Help me out here. You can't have it both ways. You can't be 'a little bit pregnant'. Either you are, or you're not.
Then, the ISA issue. At first, it's 'no to ISA'. Now, it's 'ISA the church-burning motherfuckers!'
Eh? Which is it?
After you've decided on that, how about: separating the xecutive and the judiciary? All the liberals are for it, and then, after the church-burning bullshit, they say, "The Government should have overturned the decision! They should have taken stern action!"
Which is it, broseph? Is it total separation, or for the executive to rule over the judiciary?
You know what I see? a nation of lazy ass motherfuckers. Alan Moore (Chaos be Upon Him) said, "If you see something that you believe needs fixing, don't vote in people who say they are going to fix it. Fix it yourself."
You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. And changing yourself, your actions, whatever, is changing the world.
If you ask or tell, or yell, for the Government - any Government - to change according to your whims, you will never, EVER, see any change. Instead, do it yourself.
The Government also includes us as citizens. So if you want to change the Government, just go and do what you think the Government should be doing, but isn't.
For example, eradicate poverty. It doesn't take much, really. Just simple, constant effort. Eradicating poverty might take a few decades or a few centuries.
I tell you, when people have enough food to eat, they will behave better.
And never, EVER, give me that bullshit about education. Education is just another way to blame the Government.
"How can they think about going to school, when they don't even have enough to eat?"
I didn't say that. Prof Diraja Ungku Aziz said that. In the 70s or some shit.
Go back to basics. Start simple. Give them enough food to eat, some clothes, and a shelter. Then, when they're all relaxed and full, get some books in. Then, cheap, simple scholarships.
In the end, education will get them out of poverty. But before they can get education, they need food.
If you really love this country, if you really love your car or your home or your church, eradicate poverty. Not by putting stupid logos on your blog. Nobody cares about those stupid logos.
Do something.
I am envious of churches in Malaysia for having a reliable network of donors and volunteers. If I had that kind of 'salvation army' at my disposal, the kind of funds Calvary Church has, I would have eradicated poverty in Malaysia in less than a decade.
Okay, so some people are saying that the Government is stupid. They are saying that if you work in the Government, you have the IQ of a sponge.
Okay, fine.
And then, they also say that all this church-burning (and now with a surau thrown in as well) bullshit is a major conspiracy by the Government.
Now, I'm no fan of the Government, but it would take sheer genius to pull off such a thing. The amount of people involved, the coordination, the idea, etc.
So. Decide. Is the Government stupid, or are they fucking geniuses? Help me out here. You can't have it both ways. You can't be 'a little bit pregnant'. Either you are, or you're not.
Then, the ISA issue. At first, it's 'no to ISA'. Now, it's 'ISA the church-burning motherfuckers!'
Eh? Which is it?
After you've decided on that, how about: separating the xecutive and the judiciary? All the liberals are for it, and then, after the church-burning bullshit, they say, "The Government should have overturned the decision! They should have taken stern action!"
Which is it, broseph? Is it total separation, or for the executive to rule over the judiciary?
You know what I see? a nation of lazy ass motherfuckers. Alan Moore (Chaos be Upon Him) said, "If you see something that you believe needs fixing, don't vote in people who say they are going to fix it. Fix it yourself."
You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. And changing yourself, your actions, whatever, is changing the world.
If you ask or tell, or yell, for the Government - any Government - to change according to your whims, you will never, EVER, see any change. Instead, do it yourself.
The Government also includes us as citizens. So if you want to change the Government, just go and do what you think the Government should be doing, but isn't.
For example, eradicate poverty. It doesn't take much, really. Just simple, constant effort. Eradicating poverty might take a few decades or a few centuries.
I tell you, when people have enough food to eat, they will behave better.
And never, EVER, give me that bullshit about education. Education is just another way to blame the Government.
"How can they think about going to school, when they don't even have enough to eat?"
I didn't say that. Prof Diraja Ungku Aziz said that. In the 70s or some shit.
Go back to basics. Start simple. Give them enough food to eat, some clothes, and a shelter. Then, when they're all relaxed and full, get some books in. Then, cheap, simple scholarships.
In the end, education will get them out of poverty. But before they can get education, they need food.
If you really love this country, if you really love your car or your home or your church, eradicate poverty. Not by putting stupid logos on your blog. Nobody cares about those stupid logos.
Do something.
I am envious of churches in Malaysia for having a reliable network of donors and volunteers. If I had that kind of 'salvation army' at my disposal, the kind of funds Calvary Church has, I would have eradicated poverty in Malaysia in less than a decade.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Forecast
My Western Astrological sign, Pisces, denotes that this will be a good year for me. My Chinese one - Monkey - says it's gonna be a bad year.
I think it'll be the usual. Some great, some bad, generally good.
I won't know... until I wake up tomorrow.
So off I go, to sleep.
I think it'll be the usual. Some great, some bad, generally good.
I won't know... until I wake up tomorrow.
So off I go, to sleep.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Kung Fu Pundit: History, Mystery, Gift
I am a bit bothered now. Something in my personal life. Family matters.
So I am telling myself the story of 'since something happened in the past, I can't be at peace now.' And, 'something that will happen in the future is preventing me from being at peace now.'
The real story is, "Why I can't be at peace now." A very old story.
I am giving myself reasons why I can't be at peace. Always, always a thing.
But right now, at this second, at this moment, there is nothing that needs any attention or action. Right NOW, there is nothing to worry about.
That old turtle/tortoise was right. IS right.
Yesterday, is history. Tomorrow, is a mystery. But today, today, is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Ah, well.
Corny? Maybe. But it works.
Buddha said, tatata. The suchness of life. The Zen monk Hakuin said, 'Is that so?', refusing to react. The other dude said, 'maybe', refusing to judge each moment as either good or bad.
Enough feeling sorry for myself. Off to watch Heroes and other things. Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!
So I am telling myself the story of 'since something happened in the past, I can't be at peace now.' And, 'something that will happen in the future is preventing me from being at peace now.'
The real story is, "Why I can't be at peace now." A very old story.
I am giving myself reasons why I can't be at peace. Always, always a thing.
But right now, at this second, at this moment, there is nothing that needs any attention or action. Right NOW, there is nothing to worry about.
That old turtle/tortoise was right. IS right.
Yesterday, is history. Tomorrow, is a mystery. But today, today, is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Ah, well.
Corny? Maybe. But it works.
Buddha said, tatata. The suchness of life. The Zen monk Hakuin said, 'Is that so?', refusing to react. The other dude said, 'maybe', refusing to judge each moment as either good or bad.
Enough feeling sorry for myself. Off to watch Heroes and other things. Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Love, All
There is an old sketch. A Gado-Gado sketch. Now, Gado-Gado was my favourite local TV variety show. It had Harun Salim Bachik in it, Ebby Yus, Ebby Saiful and a few others. I don't remember them all. Abon was one of them too, I think.
This sketch had two tennis players, and one umpire. The umpire said, "Love, all!"
So the tennis players go to the net, and start hugging each other.
The umpire comes, and he has a stern look on his face. He taps on the shoulders of one of the players, and he breaks the hug. The umpire then hugs everyone.
Funny as hell. Malaysian TV at its best. A simple idea, with the best of all possible executions.
I laughed like shit. I was 9 years old.
Nowadays, when people talk about love, they think about fucking. Well, yes, love is fucking. But if you can't achieve the kind of fucking that Thais do, shut the fuck up.
Having seen the best fucking can offer, I am not affected by any attempts to cock-tease me into submission. Seven Positions of Buddha, anyone?
When I think of love, the word 'love', I think of tennis, and that old Gado-Gado sketch.
I wish, that people can focus on love - tennis-love or even fucking-love, rather than hate.
This sketch had two tennis players, and one umpire. The umpire said, "Love, all!"
So the tennis players go to the net, and start hugging each other.
The umpire comes, and he has a stern look on his face. He taps on the shoulders of one of the players, and he breaks the hug. The umpire then hugs everyone.
Funny as hell. Malaysian TV at its best. A simple idea, with the best of all possible executions.
I laughed like shit. I was 9 years old.
Nowadays, when people talk about love, they think about fucking. Well, yes, love is fucking. But if you can't achieve the kind of fucking that Thais do, shut the fuck up.
Having seen the best fucking can offer, I am not affected by any attempts to cock-tease me into submission. Seven Positions of Buddha, anyone?
When I think of love, the word 'love', I think of tennis, and that old Gado-Gado sketch.
I wish, that people can focus on love - tennis-love or even fucking-love, rather than hate.
Siri Bercakap Dengan Cheepork: Kami Cool
Aku baru lepas lepak dengan Cheepork.
Kami membincangkan masalah-masalah dunia, seperti:
Aku: Kau rasa, kalau orang buat kereta terbang, parking camana, haa?
Cheepork: Macamana macamana?
Aku: Tak, kalau ada kereta terbang, boleh pakai satu parking space untuk sepuluh kereta, susun satu atas satu lagi.
Cheepork: So?
Aku: Jadi, kalau dah stack macam tu, camana orang yang kereta dia atas sekali nak ambik kereta dia? Camana nak turun?
C: Kalau dah ada jereta terbang, patutnya takdela complicated macam tu.
A: Mungkin pakai hoverboard?
C: Kalau pakai hoverboard, takyahlah pakai kereta!
A: Ye jugak tu.
C: Tapi, susah kalau hujan la.
A: Aku rasa, pakai tali la. Tangga tali. Lepas dah park, dia panjat turun dan naik pakai tangga tali.
C: Suka atu kau lah.
ISU 2
A: Aku rasa, Avatar boleh kaut US$2 billion.
C: Tengoklah camana.
A: Ko fikir, kalau kat US dia dapat US$1 billion, pastu kat China dapat US$300 - US$400 million. Kat Jepun pun sama. Campur serata dunia, tak ke US$2 billion tu?
C: Okay.
ISU 3
A: Ko ni, tak cool langsung.
C: AKu tau aku tak cool.
A: Perempuan lemparkan pantat kat aku setiap hari, tau?
C: Good for you.
A: Tiap-tiap hari, perempuan semua asyik jerit kat aku, "Pantat! Pantat!" Akulah lelaki paling gagah perkasa dan magney pantat paling sasa dalam dunia.
C: Suka ati ko lah.
Kami membincangkan masalah-masalah dunia, seperti:
Aku: Kau rasa, kalau orang buat kereta terbang, parking camana, haa?
Cheepork: Macamana macamana?
Aku: Tak, kalau ada kereta terbang, boleh pakai satu parking space untuk sepuluh kereta, susun satu atas satu lagi.
Cheepork: So?
Aku: Jadi, kalau dah stack macam tu, camana orang yang kereta dia atas sekali nak ambik kereta dia? Camana nak turun?
C: Kalau dah ada jereta terbang, patutnya takdela complicated macam tu.
A: Mungkin pakai hoverboard?
C: Kalau pakai hoverboard, takyahlah pakai kereta!
A: Ye jugak tu.
C: Tapi, susah kalau hujan la.
A: Aku rasa, pakai tali la. Tangga tali. Lepas dah park, dia panjat turun dan naik pakai tangga tali.
C: Suka atu kau lah.
ISU 2
A: Aku rasa, Avatar boleh kaut US$2 billion.
C: Tengoklah camana.
A: Ko fikir, kalau kat US dia dapat US$1 billion, pastu kat China dapat US$300 - US$400 million. Kat Jepun pun sama. Campur serata dunia, tak ke US$2 billion tu?
C: Okay.
ISU 3
A: Ko ni, tak cool langsung.
C: AKu tau aku tak cool.
A: Perempuan lemparkan pantat kat aku setiap hari, tau?
C: Good for you.
A: Tiap-tiap hari, perempuan semua asyik jerit kat aku, "Pantat! Pantat!" Akulah lelaki paling gagah perkasa dan magney pantat paling sasa dalam dunia.
C: Suka ati ko lah.
Why It Doesn't Make Sense to Hate
Chris Rock said it best.
"Whoever you hate, ends up in your family."
"You hate Puerto Ricans? Your daughter is gonna come home with Livin La Vida Loca!"
This is all true.
I used to hate white people. If you're Caucasian, I couldn't wait to kill you. With my spear!
Then, one of my cousins married a Caucasian. A white dude! Then, another! I have to see them every Raya and Chinese New Year.
I was like, "What the fuck?"
And they were nice guys. Came here for the weather, and for the women they love. They did not treat me like a monkey.
Then, I met Sharon Bakar, whom I think is one of the nicest women I have ever met. Then, there was Jordan Macvay, one of the bloggers thing. I scratched his car, once, ACCIDENTALLY, and he was okay with it.
Okay, so some white people are good people.
At one point, I hated gay people. I used to find gay people offensive. I was afraid, coming from an all-boys boarding school, that they were all after my ass. That they wanted to hold me down and rape my sweet ass. And I do have a sweet ass. It's not as big as I hope, but it's supple and firm.
Anyway, yes, I was always wary of gay people.
Then, when I started college, some of the nicest people I met were gay people. The gay community has helped me get to where I am today. If it weren't for gay people, I would be a computer programmer. Maybe a good one, maybe not. But I definitely prefer writing.
At one point, recorded on this blog, I hated married people. Oooh, I hated married people. Because most married people tend to judge me, and I judge them back, in those days.
And then, some married people helped me out.
Okay. Running out of people to hate, I started hating Malays. Ooooh, how I hated the Malays. Stupid fucking monkey breeders. Motherfuckers! OOOOohhhhhh! HATE! AAAAARARRRRFFGGGGG!
And yet, in my time of greatest need, it was the Malays who came forward and helped me out.
My father is sick, back in Kuantan. You know who helped out? My neighbour, who is a Malay breeder. He makes like, 400 bucks a month, and yet he would come to my house often to help rake the lawn and burn garbage and bury our family cat and pick coconuts.
And when I offered him money, he refused it. I had to go and buy groceries and dump it in front of his door.
He was the epitome of something I hated. A Malay who knows nothing but to have children. And yet he is one of the kindest persons I have ever met.
So I can say from experience that it is never a good idea to hate people because of their whatever.
Hate, actually comes from insecurities. You need to be the hero of your story. The story you tell yourself in your mind. That's why you need to dehumanise people and label them as "UMNO fucker" or "PUS-EATER" or Malay Monkey or Cina Babi.
That's why people tell conspiracy stories to each other.
Humility comes from the realisation that in essence, no one is above or below anyone else. In form, you may be superior or inferior to other people. But not in essence. And as Neytiri demonstrated, she does not care what form you take. She will still insert your USB thingy into her USB thingy, regardless whether you are Taruk Makto or a cripple.
It doesn't make sense to hate.
I sex you.
"Whoever you hate, ends up in your family."
"You hate Puerto Ricans? Your daughter is gonna come home with Livin La Vida Loca!"
This is all true.
I used to hate white people. If you're Caucasian, I couldn't wait to kill you. With my spear!
Then, one of my cousins married a Caucasian. A white dude! Then, another! I have to see them every Raya and Chinese New Year.
I was like, "What the fuck?"
And they were nice guys. Came here for the weather, and for the women they love. They did not treat me like a monkey.
Then, I met Sharon Bakar, whom I think is one of the nicest women I have ever met. Then, there was Jordan Macvay, one of the bloggers thing. I scratched his car, once, ACCIDENTALLY, and he was okay with it.
Okay, so some white people are good people.
At one point, I hated gay people. I used to find gay people offensive. I was afraid, coming from an all-boys boarding school, that they were all after my ass. That they wanted to hold me down and rape my sweet ass. And I do have a sweet ass. It's not as big as I hope, but it's supple and firm.
Anyway, yes, I was always wary of gay people.
Then, when I started college, some of the nicest people I met were gay people. The gay community has helped me get to where I am today. If it weren't for gay people, I would be a computer programmer. Maybe a good one, maybe not. But I definitely prefer writing.
At one point, recorded on this blog, I hated married people. Oooh, I hated married people. Because most married people tend to judge me, and I judge them back, in those days.
And then, some married people helped me out.
Okay. Running out of people to hate, I started hating Malays. Ooooh, how I hated the Malays. Stupid fucking monkey breeders. Motherfuckers! OOOOohhhhhh! HATE! AAAAARARRRRFFGGGGG!
And yet, in my time of greatest need, it was the Malays who came forward and helped me out.
My father is sick, back in Kuantan. You know who helped out? My neighbour, who is a Malay breeder. He makes like, 400 bucks a month, and yet he would come to my house often to help rake the lawn and burn garbage and bury our family cat and pick coconuts.
And when I offered him money, he refused it. I had to go and buy groceries and dump it in front of his door.
He was the epitome of something I hated. A Malay who knows nothing but to have children. And yet he is one of the kindest persons I have ever met.
So I can say from experience that it is never a good idea to hate people because of their whatever.
Hate, actually comes from insecurities. You need to be the hero of your story. The story you tell yourself in your mind. That's why you need to dehumanise people and label them as "UMNO fucker" or "PUS-EATER" or Malay Monkey or Cina Babi.
That's why people tell conspiracy stories to each other.
Humility comes from the realisation that in essence, no one is above or below anyone else. In form, you may be superior or inferior to other people. But not in essence. And as Neytiri demonstrated, she does not care what form you take. She will still insert your USB thingy into her USB thingy, regardless whether you are Taruk Makto or a cripple.
It doesn't make sense to hate.
I sex you.
I Sex You
I want to send out a message of love and sex and anal sex to any and all (female) Malaysians regardless of race, religion or levels of intelligence.
I am not ashamed to say that I love you, and I want to fuck you. Again and again and again.
I want to fuck you for five hours straight. I want to lick your vagina and suck on your clitoris. I want to play with your nipples. I want to lick the small of your back.
I want to lick your neck and then put my balls on them.
I want to have you on top... of my list. And then, reverse cowgirl.
Lotus position, then Ferrari, then pole position. And then, when you're ready to come, I will donkey punch you with my face! Headbutt the pussy! Yeah!
And then, as you are in throes of passion and orgasm, I will say, "I sex you."
I am not ashamed to say that I love you, and I want to fuck you. Again and again and again.
I want to fuck you for five hours straight. I want to lick your vagina and suck on your clitoris. I want to play with your nipples. I want to lick the small of your back.
I want to lick your neck and then put my balls on them.
I want to have you on top... of my list. And then, reverse cowgirl.
Lotus position, then Ferrari, then pole position. And then, when you're ready to come, I will donkey punch you with my face! Headbutt the pussy! Yeah!
And then, as you are in throes of passion and orgasm, I will say, "I sex you."
Amir Hafizi, Spiritual Icon
Many people came to me for spiritual guidance due to recent events.
Well, luckily, I was also going through some really tough shit recently. The usual stuff. My father's sick and I need to go home soon. Some of my family members also going through some real hardship.
Some of my friends also got slapped with some stuff. As the world's greatest superhero, I feel helpless this time, which makes me really angry.
The only real attitude to adopt in times of hardship is to accept it with no resistance. Unhappiness, anger, hate, all comes from resistance. When you are unhappy, angry, tired, sad, depressed, you can't do things well.
People who say they work well under pressure are lying. The only thing pressure does is shorten deadlines. Even without pressure, if you have a sense of urgency, you can do things fast. I mean, really fast. The speeds you can achieve with a well-developed sense of urgency is amazing.
So fuck pain and suffering. Hate, anger, sadness are all stupid emotions that make you stupid. The worst of all this is righteous indignation. When I am filled with righteous indignation, I usually pick a few close friends and let off some steam. I don't bring it to work or in my normal everyday life. I find it counter-productive and well, stupid.
No resistance. Acceptance. And then, make your moves. Make it work.
Know for a fact that what people think means nothing to your self. It means everything to perhaps your work or your whatever, but it doesn't affect you. Opinions do not change facts.
And then, there is this thing about competition. Who is right, who is better - this religion or that.
While you can differentiate between form, there is no distinction in essence.
Example: Usain Bolt's and Jessica Alba's forms are better than mine. But in essence, are they better people? Who can judge? No one. Because no one has mental powers you don't.
No one in this universe can say, with absolute, 100% certainty, that this thing or that thing will happen. For sure.
No one knows what will happen after we die. Those who say they do are trying to pass off as God. So fuck 'em.
Now, give me money, goddamnit! Give me a few million bucks. You want to give me money, don't you, bitch?
Well, luckily, I was also going through some really tough shit recently. The usual stuff. My father's sick and I need to go home soon. Some of my family members also going through some real hardship.
Some of my friends also got slapped with some stuff. As the world's greatest superhero, I feel helpless this time, which makes me really angry.
The only real attitude to adopt in times of hardship is to accept it with no resistance. Unhappiness, anger, hate, all comes from resistance. When you are unhappy, angry, tired, sad, depressed, you can't do things well.
People who say they work well under pressure are lying. The only thing pressure does is shorten deadlines. Even without pressure, if you have a sense of urgency, you can do things fast. I mean, really fast. The speeds you can achieve with a well-developed sense of urgency is amazing.
So fuck pain and suffering. Hate, anger, sadness are all stupid emotions that make you stupid. The worst of all this is righteous indignation. When I am filled with righteous indignation, I usually pick a few close friends and let off some steam. I don't bring it to work or in my normal everyday life. I find it counter-productive and well, stupid.
No resistance. Acceptance. And then, make your moves. Make it work.
Know for a fact that what people think means nothing to your self. It means everything to perhaps your work or your whatever, but it doesn't affect you. Opinions do not change facts.
And then, there is this thing about competition. Who is right, who is better - this religion or that.
While you can differentiate between form, there is no distinction in essence.
Example: Usain Bolt's and Jessica Alba's forms are better than mine. But in essence, are they better people? Who can judge? No one. Because no one has mental powers you don't.
No one in this universe can say, with absolute, 100% certainty, that this thing or that thing will happen. For sure.
No one knows what will happen after we die. Those who say they do are trying to pass off as God. So fuck 'em.
Now, give me money, goddamnit! Give me a few million bucks. You want to give me money, don't you, bitch?
Make Up Your Goddamned Mind
I was hanging out with friends yesterday, when one of them said, "All this crap would not have gotten out of hand, if the Government had not allowed Catholics to use the word Allah."
I almost choked. "But, that was a court decision."
"I don't care. The Government should have overruled the court."
Aik?
Rewind a few years ago. These same fuckers were shouting, "Separate the executive from the judiciary! Separate them!"
And now you want them together again? What are you? A woman?
And then, one idiot said, "Najib should not have allowed protests and demonstrations."
AGain, Aik Cheong?
I remember Hindraf. I remember Bersih.
"Freedom of speech!" They said.
And now? No more? Finished already?
"We cannot have one rule for one group of people, and another set of rules for another," said another.
What? Aik Cheong Coffee?
Well, I agree. Where's the Hudud proposal again?
I almost choked. "But, that was a court decision."
"I don't care. The Government should have overruled the court."
Aik?
Rewind a few years ago. These same fuckers were shouting, "Separate the executive from the judiciary! Separate them!"
And now you want them together again? What are you? A woman?
And then, one idiot said, "Najib should not have allowed protests and demonstrations."
AGain, Aik Cheong?
I remember Hindraf. I remember Bersih.
"Freedom of speech!" They said.
And now? No more? Finished already?
"We cannot have one rule for one group of people, and another set of rules for another," said another.
What? Aik Cheong Coffee?
Well, I agree. Where's the Hudud proposal again?
Barbarians at the Gates
Just because some churches got burned by some as-yet UNKNOWN people, some non-Muslims I know are giving me the stink-eye.
Just because I don't bow my head in shame. I mean, I'm sad that it happened, but I am not ashamed or guilty.
I didn't burn the churches. If I did, it would be to the ground.
See, Molotov Cocktails are good to set fire to people, especially if you add styrofoam or plastic bits into the petrol as it sticks to the skin, not buildings. For buildings, you need something like oh, I don't know. Nitro-glycerine? That's dynamite, created by Alfred Dynamite. I mean, Alfred Nobel.
You see, it's easy to make nitro-glycerine. Soap is basically glycerine + whatever. Heat up soap in water, and you can separate pure glycerine from junk.
Take glycerine, expose it to air, add a catalyst, and you get nitro-glycerine. Dy-no-mite!
Dynamite is basically just nitro-glycerine stabilised by sawdust and clay.
All this information is only half-true. If you want the real recipe, go Google it.
Some people tried to provoke me. I don't give a shit. I know killing is wrong. Most of the time. But you keep on taunting the idiots, the extremists, the losers, and what do you end up with? Who do you become? Idiots as well.
Oh well, man. Not my funeral. Barring any real development, this is my last post on the issue.
And no, fuck the petition. I find petitions useless, and all petitions I have read on the issue immediately accuse or insinuate Muslims as being responsible. I'm not saying no, or yes. We don't know yet.
If a mosque is to be torched today, would people jump to the conclusion that it's Catholic terrorists? No, we're more civilised than that, and we're the barbarians in this one.
Well, I am a barbarian. My ancestors ate barbecued monkey. Am happy that they did.
Just because I don't bow my head in shame. I mean, I'm sad that it happened, but I am not ashamed or guilty.
I didn't burn the churches. If I did, it would be to the ground.
See, Molotov Cocktails are good to set fire to people, especially if you add styrofoam or plastic bits into the petrol as it sticks to the skin, not buildings. For buildings, you need something like oh, I don't know. Nitro-glycerine? That's dynamite, created by Alfred Dynamite. I mean, Alfred Nobel.
You see, it's easy to make nitro-glycerine. Soap is basically glycerine + whatever. Heat up soap in water, and you can separate pure glycerine from junk.
Take glycerine, expose it to air, add a catalyst, and you get nitro-glycerine. Dy-no-mite!
Dynamite is basically just nitro-glycerine stabilised by sawdust and clay.
All this information is only half-true. If you want the real recipe, go Google it.
Some people tried to provoke me. I don't give a shit. I know killing is wrong. Most of the time. But you keep on taunting the idiots, the extremists, the losers, and what do you end up with? Who do you become? Idiots as well.
Oh well, man. Not my funeral. Barring any real development, this is my last post on the issue.
And no, fuck the petition. I find petitions useless, and all petitions I have read on the issue immediately accuse or insinuate Muslims as being responsible. I'm not saying no, or yes. We don't know yet.
If a mosque is to be torched today, would people jump to the conclusion that it's Catholic terrorists? No, we're more civilised than that, and we're the barbarians in this one.
Well, I am a barbarian. My ancestors ate barbecued monkey. Am happy that they did.
I Told You So
Been reading blogs and forums. About the church-buring things, and I must say this: FUCK CONDEMNING.
Yo, what the fuck is this condemning bullshit?
"We condemn this act of arson."
So? It's like me, walking around in Pantai Dalam, and seeing a big ass billboard saying, "Stop Rape".
Oh yeah, man, I was about to rape that anak makcik nasi lemak, when I saw the billboard, and now I am going to stop raping her.
The UN has condemned the killing of Palestinians by the Israelis for 65 million years. And? Did the killing stop? No.
"Ooh, they're killing people. What should we do? I know! Let's write a strongly-worded letter!"
Fuck you.
You think those people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are 3 years old?
"No no no, we don't agree with you throwing the food on the floor. Naughty naughty!"
Suck my dick. People who want to condemn this act can suck my dick.
I told all of you motherfuckers years ago. If you want to save the world, give me money. Make me a millionaire. I just need RM2 million. If you had given me RM2 million, all this bullshit would not have happened.
You're all so fucking stupid.
Now look what happens? I CONDEMN you! I don't see you! Bitches!
Yo, what the fuck is this condemning bullshit?
"We condemn this act of arson."
So? It's like me, walking around in Pantai Dalam, and seeing a big ass billboard saying, "Stop Rape".
Oh yeah, man, I was about to rape that anak makcik nasi lemak, when I saw the billboard, and now I am going to stop raping her.
The UN has condemned the killing of Palestinians by the Israelis for 65 million years. And? Did the killing stop? No.
"Ooh, they're killing people. What should we do? I know! Let's write a strongly-worded letter!"
Fuck you.
You think those people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are 3 years old?
"No no no, we don't agree with you throwing the food on the floor. Naughty naughty!"
Suck my dick. People who want to condemn this act can suck my dick.
I told all of you motherfuckers years ago. If you want to save the world, give me money. Make me a millionaire. I just need RM2 million. If you had given me RM2 million, all this bullshit would not have happened.
You're all so fucking stupid.
Now look what happens? I CONDEMN you! I don't see you! Bitches!
Religulous: Avatar, Rempits and Politics
Just finished watching Avatar for the fourth time. In 3D. I want to have sex with Neytiri. I am willing to let go of everything and just live on Pandora, and continuously play with Neytiri's organic USB port.
One thing I noticed, though, is that the Na'vi look like rempits. They ride SOMETHING, and are always impressed with someone on a big bike (the dragon thing).
I don't know if the people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are rempits. No one does. Looks like it, but no one has any concrete evidence.
Some of my non-Muslim friends are crying out for blood. My advice is: be careful what you ask for.
If it was rempits, let me tell you something about them.
Rempits, or anyone making less than 3,000 a month (reportedly over 10 million in Malaysia), are poor people. They have nothing to live for. No money, no food, no job.
People who have nothing, especially those in large numbers, are more inclined to do crazy stunts.
Believe me, I was there. I was making 600 bucks a month, at one time, and I had just myself to feed. I met a lot of people who had families to support at less than that.
Take away their money, their THINGS, and the only place where their ego can expand, the only area where they can find salvation either for real or just a temporary placebo, is perhaps religion.
You mess with their religion, and they will kill you. Because they have nothing left. What, you gonna sue them? Go ahead. Imprison them? They'll be eating better than they ever did. On your dollar. Kill them? When life is so fucked up?
"Oh, don't take it out on us if you're a loser," some would say.
Well, losers will do anything, grasp anything, like a drowning man. I see it happen everyday. In the end, they might drown, but they want to take people down with them. That's the way it is.
If you want to rid the world of this threat, you can't do so by killing people or by shouting how right you are.
You can't kill 10.4 million people. No one has managed to do that. Even Hitler only managed a million or two. Pol Pot is one million.
Moralising or taking the moral high ground will only serve to alienate you from the people. Yeah, you may be right, but you won't solve any problems.
And who is to say anything, if a savvy politician rides on a big bike and convinces the rempits and the have-nots to ride with them, and start killing other people?
This is why I say politicians are dangerous.
Way I see it, in order to better get everyone to behave, give them something to lose. Something precious like a Toyota Camry.
Nizar was fighting tooth and nail, because he was about to lose his Toyota Camry. Damn, those Camrys must be great cars.
So, the solution is simple - eradicate poverty. Make sure everyone earns at least RM4,000 a month. Or lower living standards.
And for people with religion, shut the fuck up. Religion is like asshole. Everyone's got one. And no one wants yours rammed down their throats.
One thing I noticed, though, is that the Na'vi look like rempits. They ride SOMETHING, and are always impressed with someone on a big bike (the dragon thing).
I don't know if the people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are rempits. No one does. Looks like it, but no one has any concrete evidence.
Some of my non-Muslim friends are crying out for blood. My advice is: be careful what you ask for.
If it was rempits, let me tell you something about them.
Rempits, or anyone making less than 3,000 a month (reportedly over 10 million in Malaysia), are poor people. They have nothing to live for. No money, no food, no job.
People who have nothing, especially those in large numbers, are more inclined to do crazy stunts.
Believe me, I was there. I was making 600 bucks a month, at one time, and I had just myself to feed. I met a lot of people who had families to support at less than that.
Take away their money, their THINGS, and the only place where their ego can expand, the only area where they can find salvation either for real or just a temporary placebo, is perhaps religion.
You mess with their religion, and they will kill you. Because they have nothing left. What, you gonna sue them? Go ahead. Imprison them? They'll be eating better than they ever did. On your dollar. Kill them? When life is so fucked up?
"Oh, don't take it out on us if you're a loser," some would say.
Well, losers will do anything, grasp anything, like a drowning man. I see it happen everyday. In the end, they might drown, but they want to take people down with them. That's the way it is.
If you want to rid the world of this threat, you can't do so by killing people or by shouting how right you are.
You can't kill 10.4 million people. No one has managed to do that. Even Hitler only managed a million or two. Pol Pot is one million.
Moralising or taking the moral high ground will only serve to alienate you from the people. Yeah, you may be right, but you won't solve any problems.
And who is to say anything, if a savvy politician rides on a big bike and convinces the rempits and the have-nots to ride with them, and start killing other people?
This is why I say politicians are dangerous.
Way I see it, in order to better get everyone to behave, give them something to lose. Something precious like a Toyota Camry.
Nizar was fighting tooth and nail, because he was about to lose his Toyota Camry. Damn, those Camrys must be great cars.
So, the solution is simple - eradicate poverty. Make sure everyone earns at least RM4,000 a month. Or lower living standards.
And for people with religion, shut the fuck up. Religion is like asshole. Everyone's got one. And no one wants yours rammed down their throats.
Semusim di Syurga: Avatar, Gereja dan Bapak Aku
Aku baru lepas tengok Avatar buat kali ke-empat. Plannya, nak tengok Avatar dua kali hari ni. Tapi aku penat sangat pagi tadi, jadi semalam lagi aku dah kensel.
Sebelum tengok, aku call bapak aku.
Aku cerita kat dia pasal gereja kena bakar. Dia punya komen?
"Alaaaaaah, yang membakar tu, sembahyang ke?"
Ada dua benda kat sini.
1. Betul ke orang islam (rempit ke idak tu tak tau la aku) yang pergi bakar? Likely suspect, ye. Confirm ke?
2. Kalau betul la budak Islam, sembahyang ke? Kata nak menegakkan Islam, tapi tiang Islam pun takde. Ko pakai pam angin ke apa?
Islam tak suruh buat kurang ajar kat rumah orang. Orang lain nak buat kurang ajar, itu hal dia. Kejap lagi kena la.
Aku yang kufur ni pun tau. Ko yang pejuang Islam tu, tau ke?
Pastu, masa tengok Avatar, aku terbayangkan rempit. Diorang tu memang macam rempit pun. Mamat hero best lepas ada motor. Pastu, lepas diorang marah kat dia, dia bawak motor besar (naga batik, Taruk), terus awek dia suka. Tadi marah. Suka la pulak, ye? Perempuan memang suka motor besar.
Masalahnya, ramai orang Melayu miskin. Duit takde. Kerja tak seberapa. Lepas tu kena tikam dengan orang pejabat. Mana tak mengamuk? Lepas tu, dah la loser, takde hapa benda dah. Bila ada orang nak ambik satu-satunya benda yang dia ada - Allah - marah la dia.
Kalau aku pun dalam keadaan miskin papa kedana macam jiran aku kat kampung, kalaulah ada peluang untuk aku bunuh orang, pastu jadi best, memang aku buat punya.
Dah takde benda to live for. Aku bunuh orang je. Pedulittaik aku?
Hanya perlukan seorang dengan motor besar je, datang motivate. Inilah bahayanya politician. Dia datang pakai motor besar, habis semua berkorban. Mati le ramai orang.
Dah, aku nak sambung tulis dalam bahasa Inggeris, supaya orang Malaysia yang tak reti Bahasa Malaysia boleh paham.
Sebelum tengok, aku call bapak aku.
Aku cerita kat dia pasal gereja kena bakar. Dia punya komen?
"Alaaaaaah, yang membakar tu, sembahyang ke?"
Ada dua benda kat sini.
1. Betul ke orang islam (rempit ke idak tu tak tau la aku) yang pergi bakar? Likely suspect, ye. Confirm ke?
2. Kalau betul la budak Islam, sembahyang ke? Kata nak menegakkan Islam, tapi tiang Islam pun takde. Ko pakai pam angin ke apa?
Islam tak suruh buat kurang ajar kat rumah orang. Orang lain nak buat kurang ajar, itu hal dia. Kejap lagi kena la.
Aku yang kufur ni pun tau. Ko yang pejuang Islam tu, tau ke?
Pastu, masa tengok Avatar, aku terbayangkan rempit. Diorang tu memang macam rempit pun. Mamat hero best lepas ada motor. Pastu, lepas diorang marah kat dia, dia bawak motor besar (naga batik, Taruk), terus awek dia suka. Tadi marah. Suka la pulak, ye? Perempuan memang suka motor besar.
Masalahnya, ramai orang Melayu miskin. Duit takde. Kerja tak seberapa. Lepas tu kena tikam dengan orang pejabat. Mana tak mengamuk? Lepas tu, dah la loser, takde hapa benda dah. Bila ada orang nak ambik satu-satunya benda yang dia ada - Allah - marah la dia.
Kalau aku pun dalam keadaan miskin papa kedana macam jiran aku kat kampung, kalaulah ada peluang untuk aku bunuh orang, pastu jadi best, memang aku buat punya.
Dah takde benda to live for. Aku bunuh orang je. Pedulittaik aku?
Hanya perlukan seorang dengan motor besar je, datang motivate. Inilah bahayanya politician. Dia datang pakai motor besar, habis semua berkorban. Mati le ramai orang.
Dah, aku nak sambung tulis dalam bahasa Inggeris, supaya orang Malaysia yang tak reti Bahasa Malaysia boleh paham.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Religulous: Need a Light?
Four churches burned!
Man, oh man.
You know who is the culprit? The ego.
First of all, the ego drove all those stupid publishers to claim the right to use the name 'Allah'. When it is clear, if you walk into any church in the US or Europe, and start praying loudly to the Father Allah, the Son Allah and the Holy Allah, people will kick you out and think you're a terrorist.
The Pope in the Vatican will say, "Fuck that terrorist motherfucker!" if you just mention 'Allah'.
But the high and mighty holinesses in Malaysia want to use 'Allah'. Why? Not for religious reasons. Don't give me that bullshit.
In my opinion, it is about marketing. Branding. Islam, being the national religion in this country, gets a budget to preach to the unconverted. One of the main campaigns? Allah.
So, these idiots were hoping to piggy back on that. Makes it easier to convert the ones sitting on the fence.
"They say that Allah is great, well, we have Allah too!"
It's like AMD carrying the 'Intel Inside' logo. Can you dig it?
Well, they ran into another big ego - the Islam extremists.
I grew up with these people, dogg. You do not, EVER, mess with their religion. Because that's the only thing they think they have. They don't have money. They don't have good jobs. Some, don't even have food. All they have, is religion. All they have, is Allah. At least, that's what they think.
And you want to take their 'Allah' from them? Are you fucking out of your mind? Fuck you!
Now, see what happens? See what happens!
Two egos collide, friction, sparks, and burn, baby burn.
I really hope they all turn the other cheek. And forgive the arsonists - whoever they may be (maybe some rempits, and not extremists? I dunno. Nobody knows) - for they know not what they do.
Instead of being Christian, you might need to be Christ-like.
And Buddhists! Buddhists stay the fuck away from this shit! You know better.
And moderate Muslims, you better stay the fuck away. Don't feel guilty, you didn't burn the fucking churches down. Don't feel good and start to party, this is not a good thing. Not something to party to.
Everyone just calm the fuck down. I am watching Avatar tonight, so I don't want any riots on my way to the cinemas.
Religion? Gooood, gooood. This is how good religion is. Fuck you.
Man, oh man.
You know who is the culprit? The ego.
First of all, the ego drove all those stupid publishers to claim the right to use the name 'Allah'. When it is clear, if you walk into any church in the US or Europe, and start praying loudly to the Father Allah, the Son Allah and the Holy Allah, people will kick you out and think you're a terrorist.
The Pope in the Vatican will say, "Fuck that terrorist motherfucker!" if you just mention 'Allah'.
But the high and mighty holinesses in Malaysia want to use 'Allah'. Why? Not for religious reasons. Don't give me that bullshit.
In my opinion, it is about marketing. Branding. Islam, being the national religion in this country, gets a budget to preach to the unconverted. One of the main campaigns? Allah.
So, these idiots were hoping to piggy back on that. Makes it easier to convert the ones sitting on the fence.
"They say that Allah is great, well, we have Allah too!"
It's like AMD carrying the 'Intel Inside' logo. Can you dig it?
Well, they ran into another big ego - the Islam extremists.
I grew up with these people, dogg. You do not, EVER, mess with their religion. Because that's the only thing they think they have. They don't have money. They don't have good jobs. Some, don't even have food. All they have, is religion. All they have, is Allah. At least, that's what they think.
And you want to take their 'Allah' from them? Are you fucking out of your mind? Fuck you!
Now, see what happens? See what happens!
Two egos collide, friction, sparks, and burn, baby burn.
I really hope they all turn the other cheek. And forgive the arsonists - whoever they may be (maybe some rempits, and not extremists? I dunno. Nobody knows) - for they know not what they do.
Instead of being Christian, you might need to be Christ-like.
And Buddhists! Buddhists stay the fuck away from this shit! You know better.
And moderate Muslims, you better stay the fuck away. Don't feel guilty, you didn't burn the fucking churches down. Don't feel good and start to party, this is not a good thing. Not something to party to.
Everyone just calm the fuck down. I am watching Avatar tonight, so I don't want any riots on my way to the cinemas.
Religion? Gooood, gooood. This is how good religion is. Fuck you.
Superhero Complex: Limit Break
A friend of mine was in distress just the other day, and for some reason, I was affected somewhat.
I was too busy to go and help, and despite everything, that always drives me crazy.
When I can't do something.
But I do have my limits.
When I was younger, I was extremely righteous at things people say I can't do.
"You must study, otherwise, you won't score in your exams." Somebody said that when I was in Form 1(Seventh Grade?).
Okay, motherfucker, I won't study AND I will score. That, unfortunately, works only until you're in Form 3. SPM/O Level was a different ball game.
I slipped from being number three in the top class to just being number 8 in a middle class.
As I get older, I got even more obsessed with proving people wrong.
"You can't be a writer. You studied computer science! Go and programme some shit!"
Who's the writer now, bitch?
"You can't juggle two jobs at once!"
I was juggling THREE. Fuck you!
My approach was direct. Saw a wall in front of me? I would ram my head into it until the wall breaks. Sure, my head would be broken, sometimes, but in the end, I have always prevailed.
I have been very lucky.
When I got a lot older, today, I am beginning to slow down on the headbutting thing. Things have changed.
For one, there are less walls now. I have broken through so many, in my youth, there aren't many left.
I mean, I used to chase pussy. Now, I get pussy thrown at me.
More importantly, I find other ways of breaking walls. I go around some, and in other cases, when circumstances warrant it, I fly over it.
Ascencion!
The greatest technique, though, is realising that there are no walls. The walls were always illusions. I put it there, cause my brain is so fucking giganormous, it creates its own obstacles.
The realisation comes with the clarity that allowing your life to be dictated by the whims of others is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do. And that we're all idiots, at some point in our lives. Oh well.
There is absolutely nothing stopping me from being happy. From being free. Nothing has to happen before I get my happiness.
I have met and spoke with ridiculously rich people who were unhappy because... I don't know, but at some point, they were. I guess it's the walls in their minds.
I know some great writers. Some of the greatest in the world. And yet, they do not write.
"You know, I wish I could write a book/movie/play/sonnet/sestina."
Well?
Well, apparently, one of the biggest walls in the human mind is: EXPECTATION.
I grappled with that one for most of my life.
You see, I am one of those 'potential people'. When older people see me, talk to me, they see potential. That, or arrogance.
Anyway, when you display a certain amount of intelligence, people expect a lot from you. For a time, I couldn't handle that.
Expectation almost broke me. It's like you are allowed to compete in the 100m at the Olympics and you have a banana stuck up your ass. You may still beat Usain Bolt and set a new world record, but it's uncomfortable as hell. Or so I heard.
The greatest fear from expectations, is your own. I began to slowly realise that it wasn't other people's expectations I was so scared of. It was my own. Truth be told, people don't expect much from each other. Other people are mostly noise to other people, which is unfortunate.
Realising that I am not the center of the universe, that I do have limits, that I do make mistakes - accepting that - gave me the room to breathe.
And when I have room, that's it.
It has always been me. Every bit of it, me.
I learned to trust my instincts, which has always been infallible - I can be wrong sometimes, but my instincts have always been accurate.
These all lead to true confidence. Not the righteous facsimile, but the real thing.
I look back, nowadays, at days long gone... and I shrug. It was all right.
So anyway, I got a call from my friend last night, and everything's okay again. So I am happy. Things may not be as good as can be hoped, but that's the way things have always been. Could have been better.
Well, I couldn't. And that's my limit.
I was too busy to go and help, and despite everything, that always drives me crazy.
When I can't do something.
But I do have my limits.
When I was younger, I was extremely righteous at things people say I can't do.
"You must study, otherwise, you won't score in your exams." Somebody said that when I was in Form 1(Seventh Grade?).
Okay, motherfucker, I won't study AND I will score. That, unfortunately, works only until you're in Form 3. SPM/O Level was a different ball game.
I slipped from being number three in the top class to just being number 8 in a middle class.
As I get older, I got even more obsessed with proving people wrong.
"You can't be a writer. You studied computer science! Go and programme some shit!"
Who's the writer now, bitch?
"You can't juggle two jobs at once!"
I was juggling THREE. Fuck you!
My approach was direct. Saw a wall in front of me? I would ram my head into it until the wall breaks. Sure, my head would be broken, sometimes, but in the end, I have always prevailed.
I have been very lucky.
When I got a lot older, today, I am beginning to slow down on the headbutting thing. Things have changed.
For one, there are less walls now. I have broken through so many, in my youth, there aren't many left.
I mean, I used to chase pussy. Now, I get pussy thrown at me.
More importantly, I find other ways of breaking walls. I go around some, and in other cases, when circumstances warrant it, I fly over it.
Ascencion!
The greatest technique, though, is realising that there are no walls. The walls were always illusions. I put it there, cause my brain is so fucking giganormous, it creates its own obstacles.
The realisation comes with the clarity that allowing your life to be dictated by the whims of others is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do. And that we're all idiots, at some point in our lives. Oh well.
There is absolutely nothing stopping me from being happy. From being free. Nothing has to happen before I get my happiness.
I have met and spoke with ridiculously rich people who were unhappy because... I don't know, but at some point, they were. I guess it's the walls in their minds.
I know some great writers. Some of the greatest in the world. And yet, they do not write.
"You know, I wish I could write a book/movie/play/sonnet/sestina."
Well?
Well, apparently, one of the biggest walls in the human mind is: EXPECTATION.
I grappled with that one for most of my life.
You see, I am one of those 'potential people'. When older people see me, talk to me, they see potential. That, or arrogance.
Anyway, when you display a certain amount of intelligence, people expect a lot from you. For a time, I couldn't handle that.
Expectation almost broke me. It's like you are allowed to compete in the 100m at the Olympics and you have a banana stuck up your ass. You may still beat Usain Bolt and set a new world record, but it's uncomfortable as hell. Or so I heard.
The greatest fear from expectations, is your own. I began to slowly realise that it wasn't other people's expectations I was so scared of. It was my own. Truth be told, people don't expect much from each other. Other people are mostly noise to other people, which is unfortunate.
Realising that I am not the center of the universe, that I do have limits, that I do make mistakes - accepting that - gave me the room to breathe.
And when I have room, that's it.
It has always been me. Every bit of it, me.
I learned to trust my instincts, which has always been infallible - I can be wrong sometimes, but my instincts have always been accurate.
These all lead to true confidence. Not the righteous facsimile, but the real thing.
I look back, nowadays, at days long gone... and I shrug. It was all right.
So anyway, I got a call from my friend last night, and everything's okay again. So I am happy. Things may not be as good as can be hoped, but that's the way things have always been. Could have been better.
Well, I couldn't. And that's my limit.
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