Saturday, November 21, 2009

Not by the Hair on My Chinny Chin Chin

My uncle, who died recently, was part of the police force after World War II. He joined and he went and killed fucking Communists.

My uncle's Chinese.

Truth is, Communists killed members of my family from both sides - the Malays and the Chinese. And Communist members are not just Chinese. There were lots of Malays as well.

Therefore, I am not being racist here, when I say, I'd kill motherfucking Communists any day, every day. I knew some ex-Commies, as well as some ex-Kempeitai. They're all dead now.

No emotion. No hatred. No anger. But no fucking way are the Communists ever going to get a foothold here. Over my dead body.

I don't care about their politics. Other people play politics too. They don't take up arms and go into the jungle and fucking kill people for their politics.

I don't see Anwar Ibrahim going into the jungle.

Anwar: It would ruin my complexion! I need my my SK-II! And my nails will get dirty!

I don't see Khir Toyo going into the jungle.

Khir Toyo: Honey, I need to pack, where are my botox syringes? My face is gonna melt in there!

As soon as Chin Peng gets off that plane, he's gonna make a bee-line to the nearest jungle and start killing people.

No. Simply, no.

Chin Peng wants to die here, in Malaysia. He should have done that a loooong time ago, when he had the chance.

The problem with allowing him back would be to create a rallying icon for a new wave of Neo-Communism to gather followers, and all the cool kids are going to go. I'm not cool, and never been cool, so fuck you.

"But what about human rights?"

Fuck human rights. What about them dead people? Where are their rights?

The Communists went into my father's home when he was a child, and fucking kidnapped one of my uncles, took him into the jungle, and shot him. With a rifle. In the face.

Why? Cause he didn't want to join the Communists.

What, if I don't give way to Communists' rights, you're gonna shoot me? Fuck you, bitch!

"But he was an important figure in history...nyeeee!"

Yeah, and so was Hitler, Attila the Hun, Vlad the Impaler, Pol Pot.

Pol Pot killed a million people. Lived in a small hut, in the jungle. Killed a million people. What the fuck?

And you know why some got killed? Cause they were wearing glasses. Pol Pot was afraid, that if Burma or Kampuchea or whatever the hell ever got telephone booths, those million bespectacled guys are gonna go in and wear their Superman costume.

Chin Peng will make a small hut in the jungle, and people will start dying.

"Oh, my God! It's a Chin Peng hut! I'm dead, motherfucker! I'm dead!"

Chris Rock said it best.

"No one is liberal or conservative. There are things I'm liberal about, and there are things I'm conservative about."

Prostitution? I'm liberal. Communists and child porn? I'll be in a white hood and burning shit up.

I don't care if it's right or wrong. Buddhism advocates that there is no right or wrong, and I agree, somewhat.

For me, it's not right or wrong. You kill my family, you mess with them, I fucking kill you. I will fuck you up.