Friday, October 9, 2009

Mukjisat Payudara

A good friend is going to Indonesia to do some Discovery Travel and Fucking. I have advised him not to, cause some Indonesians want to kill Malaysians over there.

I mean, I still maintain that Tom Yam is the best. Five-point Siamese cats are the best.

The Indonesians want their culture back. Cries of Malingsial (maling = thief, sial = bastard, damned, motherfuckers, etc) and Bendera!

They accused Malaysians of stealing their culture. As if the batik makers in Indonesia were millionaires and had houses with swimming pools, Malaysians went there and stole all their money and they all had to live in cardboard boxes and shit.

As if all the tempe makers in Indonesia were driving Ferraris and Malaysians came in and repo-ed the prancing horses.

As if the Indonesian Pendet dancers were performing for six-figure US dollar fees, Malaysian dancers came in, and spoiled their market by demanding only six-figure Indonesian rupiahs.

I remember Yakitate! Japan! - a Japanese comic - where one character believed wholeheartedly that curry, pronounced as 'kare' to be a truly Japanese dish.

Truly, curry came from India, but the Japanese 'kare' has its own distinctive taste. It's more peppery and, in some cases, papery. Wouldn't mistake it for the world.

Some people have even suggested war. That's bullshit, man.

Look, how about this:

Malaysian will no longer eat tempe, dance the Pendet dance, wear batik, play the gamelan, eat nasi padang, ayam penyek, mi bakso, or even Indomee.

No more 'bumbu penyedap' or rubbing Mustika Ratu's Mukjisat Payudara on our breasts.

No longer will we go to Bali and buy an entire house of furniture. No longer will we listen to any Indonesian bands or singers. No longer will we watch Indonesian sinetron.

Goodbye, Nicholas Saputra. Goodbye, Dian Sastrowidoyo. I loved you!

In return, the Indonesians must also give up some things and give culture back to the Indians.

No more Anduman (Hanuman). Garuda Air should be called Pendet Air, any batik motifs depicting Jentayu (Jatayu), Rawana (Ravana), Anduman (Hanuman), Seri Rama (Rama), Sita Dewi (Sita) should be burned. Instead, all Indonesian batik motifs must depict tempe in its design. Cultural purity, yo!

Why stop there? Please, banish all words derived from Sanskrit in both our languages. And please give English back to the English.

And the English, well, any words from Latin - give 'em back to Giovanni Trappatoni and Alessandro del Piero.

The Americans better give their lands back to the British and the French, who in their turn, should give everything back to the Native Americans, who should return them back to the bisons and the Russians.

When all this is over, everything in the world will belong to the Africans, who in turn will hand over the world to God.

Give tempe and mukjisat payudara back to God, damn it! God needs mukjisat payudara!