Saturday, November 24, 2012

Working Through Depression

I've been handling depression since I was 17 years old. Most people don't even understand what that is, especially those who pretend to be chirpy all day, every day.

And I hate these fuckers who pretend to be depressed because they think it's cool to be in pain. Dumbass pretentious fucks.

I can tell you depression is real. I was hospitalised four times for stress-related illnesses. I even thought I went deaf at one point or whatever. Got kidney stones, sleep apnea which required surgery. I even had insomnia for three years.

My doctors told me if I didn't change my lifestyle, I was going to die before I'm 40. Hypertension, that dumb sleep apnea, the lack of sleep and long hours were going to kill me, and not in a way I like.

So I researched the shit out of this shit. I learned meditation and breathing techniques. I got all New Age and shit. I lowered my blood pressure to 120. Changed my diet and shit.

Even while going through depression, I still needed to do work. Recently, I executed and hung on for dear life while going through severe stress.

How do I do it? I'm a fucking genius, that's how.

Seriously, though, it was having a clear grasp of The Truth. The reality. People can say or do whatever. They can try to do bad things to you, but realise that these people, do not matter. Focus is essential.

What matters is your work, your tasks and taking care of your self because without you, your tasks are fucked.

I worked and am working in a high-stress environment. Morale is extremely important. It is the thing that determines how good a job is. Morale can't be brought up with a simple gesture or just getting drunk at a silly party.

Work morale is increased when workers like me can accomplish tasks and missions we set out to do. When we complete a thing. Whenever this is accomplished, regardless of whatever happens and whatever other people say or do, morale will be up.

Take care of your work, and your work will take care of you - this is the philosophy and mindset of real workers. Only the weak play politics. Playing politics means you are not good enough and you know you are not good enough for anything other than menial labour.

They see politics as  a short cut - an easy way to bullshit and con their way to more money and feigned respect. I can tell you there is no such thing as an easy way forward. Those fuckers who used politics to get ahead - none of them I can say are, were or ever will be happy, regardless of the money they have stolen and cheated out of people.

Come crunch time, you can't bullshit your way out of delivering the goods on your word. Integrity is the ONLY currency that never gets devalued. It's the only thing you have that is valuable. It is the final inch, that distance where you draw the line.

I have huge respect  for people who respect their own work.

For me, I am on an infinite learning journey. Whatever I suck at, a few years later I will be an expert at it. Writing was my weakest subject, when I was 13. I hated people and was a failure in human communication at 23.

I worked at every single one of these things, not to prove people wrong, or to be given empty praise. I do it, because I like doing it. I want to do it. And unless you want to do something, there is really no reason to do it.

I went through the motions, and I took control - of myself. I went there and I did what I promised to do, to ensure I still retain my integrity, my final inch. Come rain or high water. Or depression

This weekend, I owe some people four scripts. Four episodes of this TV series I am working on. Only God can stop me from finishing them.