I woke up feeling shitty but a bit better.
Despite all the ego and sabotage over the course of nine years working in this industry, I'm still standing here, saying fuck the free world.
Everywhere I go, it's the same ego, stupidity, jealousy. I'll never be free until I score RM2 million and go back home, to Kuantan, in a mission to save the world.
I know the village folk back home - the swamp people - are also egotistical, some are stupid, and some are also equally insecure, but at least they're poor - perhaps because of their ego - and they need the most help.
When I go back, and if I can just make the lives of 10-15% of them better, I would consider my efforts a success.
What I want to do is imitate the biggest co-op in the world, in India, which collects and redistributes fresh milk from all families that have a cow. The people in my village have nothing - no education, no proper jobs, no opportunities - save for land and time.
Ours is swamp land. It's perfect for planting several different types of fruits, and the easiest is papaya. Just stick 'em near a drain and the papaya tree will flourish. Fuck pesticides and shit. The only thing they have to do is protect the fruit from bats, birds and some types of bugs.
If I can convince them to plant some particular types of papayas, the business model would be all set. I'll handle the marketing, logistics and sales.
Papaya is great because it is present in almost all hotels in Malaysia. Go to any one, and they might not have durian, while some have watermelon. But papaya is always there.
Instead of selling at wet markets for pittance per kilo, these people should take only the best fruits and sell them to hotels and high end restaurants, which Kuantan has in abundance.
It's 30% more effort for an increase of 50% in profit margins, more or less. If we can do it right, we can supply to the entire east coast.
While they plant and take care of the papaya, they can also rear free-range chicken. Free range chicken require space, and that is one of their only assets. Free-range eggs, free-range chicken fetch a high price, and if we can go with the economics of scale, it can grow big enough to ensure city folk have 'ayam kampung' on their menu instead of the battery farm chicken.
I've seen this happen in Indonesia. ALL the chicken I ate in Bandung and Jakarta were free-range chicken. How do they get that kind of supply? From small, independent farmers.
Of course, things can get fucked. That's why I need the RM2 million to be financially invincible. No matter what happens, short of cancer, I can still be free and not rely on managing a gaggle of highly emotional, self-destructive people.
The Government have tried to come up with solutions for these poor folk, but they themselves sabotaged the Government efforts, due to one of the most pure demonstrations of the ego I have ever seen. You see, for some people, if they receive any help, they will hate those who help them. They believe that receiving help makes other people look good and makes them look stupid. Indebted to those who help them.
The ego is not simply owned by the city folk, with their fancy lattes and fancy cars. It also exists in poor people, and I have seen the pure destructive power it brings.
The ego compels people to do stupid things. It compels them to do evil, due to their insecurities and poisoned mind. I have seen them all. I know what I'm up against, and if I take a confrontational stand, it will only serve to get the ego bigger.
No matter what the religion - Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, (fake) Malaysian Buddhism, liberalism, education - everyone has failed to understand their own faiths and beliefs, which all shout a united chorus of setting aside such stupid things as the ego.
Unfortunately, we live in a world of idiots who are trapped with defining their self-image when that is a fool's errand.
Sometimes I wish I would be run over by a car and just die, because existing with these dumbass motherfuckers is worse than being eaten by worms.
