Thursday, June 11, 2009

Common Kuantan Ailments

Liver, when scanned, showed scratch marks.

Patient doubles over, as if something riding on him.

Cure? With-doctor!

Seeing double?

Evil spirits!

Cure? Witch-doctor!

I'd like to have a fight with a witch doctor.

First, he would 'jampi' a glass of water, without spitting on it or adding anything dirty. Just spiritual stuff.

Then I would drink it.

As for me, I'd prepare a solution with 90% arsenic, and have him drink it.

Whoever dies first, loses.

Fucking conmen.

I was once treated for redung (sinusitis) by a witch-doctor.

At the end of the 'treatment', I asked if I could finally eat belacan and chicken and seafood without suffering from itchy fits?

She said, "No! Forever more, you can only eat steamed or boiled fish."

I fucking hate fish, so I said to God, "Fuck this shit, brah! I'll eat whatever I want. You can give me resdung if you want, but fuck if I'm going to eat boiled fish for the rest of my life."

I never had a resdung attack ever after that.

Proving it's all in the mind.