I'm extremely lucky. I realised this every morning, when I get my hair wet in the shower, see my face in the mirror and realise, "Wow! Tony Stark!"
I mean, sure, my e-cigarettes are fucked and I need to get a new one tomorrow; I am facing a court case soon and my butt is still injured from the surgery.
But, talking of butts, I don't have cancer, HPV or any of the nasty stuff they tested for at UH. The doctors at UH don't know what it was, but after testing the stuff they cut out of me and testing it for cancer, HPV, herpes, and a number of nasty stuff, they found negative results for all. Their policy is, if it is not any of the crazy things they test for, they don't care what it is. Probably a skin condition or a viral infection, maybe fibroids, they don't give a fuck. It's not life-threatening or contagious, so that's that.
Of course, if this was House the TV show, I'd be run through a battery of tests.
And the thing is healing. Slowly, but surely.
As for the e-cigarette, I broke one - or somebody did - and I used the other one until it is not functioning as it should. Tomorrow night, I'll be getting a second set, second hand, from a friend. Should do just fine.
A couple of nights ago, I had conversations about 'what it means to be happy', how to troll politicians and people who take themselves too seriously, as well as other literary stuff - especially Japanese literature.
I also listened to two web people who want to do websites. I consulted them, and am happy that all of us are smart enough to listen. You can't imagine how lucky I feel when I can have these kinds of conversations with intelligent people. With humans.
You know, people who are close to me advise me against putting up the good stuff happening in my life for the world to see and read, simply because Malaysians are an envious, spiteful people. If I tell people I am happy, they will try to 'bring me down to their level' - demented, depressed apes.
This is not untrue. I have experienced this before. Malaysians have a self-sabotaging mentality and we will keep on pushing and pulling ourselves down like crabs in a bucket. It's a given and I have made peace with that years ago. Sometimes, I still allow it to affect me.
There are people who actively and consistently choose unhappiness. Why? Because they are stupid. Stay away from stupid people because they are like drowning humans.
I like to talk, and yet some do say I keep quiet about certain things. This baffled me because I did exactly the opposite. I blabbed like shit when it was my responsibility to do so. However, people don't listen. Then they blame me for not telling them what I have repeated endlessly. I do not speak for no reason. I don't do anything without a specific reason.
This is due to ego. Recognising my brain as the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century or even listening to me makes them think they are less, somehow.
And those who do recognise my great intelligence, some of them try to lie, cheat or control/manipulate me because they believe that is proof they are smarter. Better. Let me tell you that needing proof for such a thing means you are an animal. And not a particularly smart one at that.
Anyway, this rant is about gratitude, and my greatest gratitude is that I am me, myself. I am not you, and for that, I give thanks. Though my genius often flings me into despair, it also means I have a great capacity for comprehension and realising the true meaning of happiness.
