Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wanking: More Wanking

When I was small, I wanted so much to break away from my family. I was the last child, which meant the attention I was getting was suffocating. I still get suffocated by attention, sometimes, as I am naturally famous. Everything I do make big waves and have impact for God knows why.

I just keep on walking and shit just happens.

Anyway, I left home at 12 years old, knowing very well what I was doing. It has always been that way since. I rarely suffer from vagueness and ambiguity, though I use them as tools in storytelling.

I've always wondered about people's motivations. Why do people do things? Why are some people so spiteful and stupid, filled with hate and ignorance and ego and selfishness? Why are some people so nice?

I used to think about all this during my emo period, before emo was cool.

Nowadays, I couldn't care less. I understand that at the end of it, the motivation for most people is ego. It is neither wrong nor right and the job to judge these people and these things, are not mine. Why should I worry?

I do avoid evil, though, and I make it a point to spend more time with positive, kind people who do mostly good anyway. Doing evil things is passe. It's boring. I have gone down the path of pain and despair and all it got me was more pain and despair.

Life is too precious to waste on idiots and stupid, trivial things.

Some people spend their whole lives believing either they need approval from people or that people need their approval. They believe, that approval is a currency. I know this, because I was one of them. Been there, done that. Ho-hum.

Did I say it is bad?

I'll tell you my motivation. I do things because I want to do them. Even things I don't want to do, I do it because I want to. Deep shit, huh? No, not really. End of the day, we decide our own fate. I would rather be in control of my actions than have my decisions be made by other people. I guess I haven't grown up that much, huh?