Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises ... and Falls

I just came back from watching the final movie in the Nolan-Batman trilogy - The Dark Knight Rises. It was good, but not great. To me, the best of the three was Batman Begins.

For one, The Dark Knight Rises is too long, in my opinion. And the plot points far too predictable. I do understand that by the third movie, it was out of Nolan's hands and he has a responsibility - nay, a DUTY - to please the fanboys out there. Me being one of them.

I have read most of the fan theories concerning this movie and Nolan probably has as well, and he incorporated a lot of the fan ideas into it. It's cool, it's good, but what's great would have been to transcend that and give us something we didn't know we want. Like Batman Begins. 

So he crammed as many things as possible in this third movie. Being Nolan, it was okay. I mean, if it was Michael Bay, I would have rather fucked myself in the ass with a chainsaw than watch his version of Batman. However, I see no reason at all for Jonathan Crane to be there. No reason for the Liam Neeson cameo, the political posturing, bla bla bla.

I also have problems when the main villain didn't just maim or cripple the hero when he catches them. If I was a villain like Bane, the first thing I would do to Batman is severe his Achilles tendon or shoot his kneecap off, ensuring Batman will never walk again. And then I would cut off his fingers. Or blind him. Maybe plant some bombs in his ass or something.I certainly wouldn't leave him in a very escapable hole, with no guards.

As for Batman, he had a clear shot of Bane in his flying cockroach at the beginning of the movie, but he did nothing. Come on, man! Just a push of a button and launch a tiny net or some shit. ALL characters can be caught using a tiny net.

The Dark Knight Rises is still a damn good movie, but my expectations were a bit too high, maybe. I much prefer Batman Begins.

The main reason was I watched Batman Begins on TV. The Dark Knight Rises, I watched in the cinema, and there were these annoying fucktards who kept on talking throughout the three hour thing (three hours cause that's plus commercials).

People who talk in movies are attention-whores. They WANT attention, and they do this by shoving their presence in everyone's faces. That's fucking rude, selfish and egotistical. I believe that talking during movies should be a felony.

In fact, if I ever become a serial killer, my target would be those who talk in movies. I'll catch them, cut their tendons, shove a red hot poker to their faces, tie them up, and THEN throw them into a hole, which I will slowly fill with sulfuric acid.

The problem is getting enough sulfuric acid to fill a giant hole.