Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Vagabond: Worry

In my travels, I have seen the future. And what a strange future it is.

Call me Hugh Jackman and suck my Australian dick.

I'm a worry-wort. I worry all the time, about everything. However, I always find a way to get out of that rut.

It always happens like this:

1. I'm in a state of worry. The world is going to end! La di da!

2. SOmeone would contact me about their worries and fears, looking for advice or sympathy. I listen, and take what was being discussed, to better see my own predicament.

3. A shift happens, as I chose to be present for other people, my own worries take a backseat.

4. Something happens to take away all my worries. And it always happens after the shift.

Today, I was worried because things are not happening according to schedule. Some things got pushed back, some things have new deadlines. They are happening, but not in a way I can control. Finding my own choleric, control-freak nature and bringing it out is traumatic. I used to be so comfortable allowing things to unfold on their own, I am at an unfamiliar stage where I make things happen and become a primum mobile - a prime mover.

I was worried. It clouded everything I did, and a sombre cloud of despair followed me all around. I generally stay away from people, when in that mood. I was out for blood. DO NOT fuck with me when in that mood.

So then I got a distress call. People were in trouble. Only thing I had to do was to shut up and be present.

This being present bullshit totally spun the whole world in a tilt-a-whirl, and you can see things from a bird's eye perspective.

I can feel the wind on me, the ground beneath my feet. And my form? Perfect. (Spear on jaw of wolf).

As soon as the perspective shifted, I got a call from a close business associate whom I respect. My work apparently is good enough to warrant possible future collaborations, and I am happy.

You see, I am constantly reminded of Kung Fu Panda.

The old tortoise, he said, "Yesterday, is history. Tomorrow, is a mystery. But today, is a gift. That's why it's called 'the present'."

Remember, it's THE present, and not A present.

There is no way anyone can determine the outcome of the future, other than preparing for it in the present. Setting things up, planning, without getting so lost in the future that your present work loses the attention and focus it needs.

And yesterday, the past, well, be it good or bad, there is no way you should allow it to influence your present, and hence the future. You can have the biggest success or the most embarrassing failure, but that does not mean that your present and your future need to carry that baggage.

Lots of people talk about 'living in the moment', but their definition of living in the moment is sometimes limited to external stuff like taking drugs, drinking, splurging or fucking. There's a lot more to it than mere action. There's a more fundamental, basic principle underneath that.

Don't panic! Worrying is a route to cancer. Don't be irresponsible, but don't allow anything other than yourself to affect you. Cause no one and no thing can.