Sunday, September 13, 2009

Women in Refrigerators

Somebody said something to me recently.

"Asian men all think about looks, while non-Asian men appreciate us for our brains."

I was like, "What? Really?"

It got me thinking. "Are Asian men all that shallow?" After some seconds of soul-searching, with my experience of over 29 years of being an Asian man, I can say that yes, we are.

And we would say anything that women would want to hear if we can get them to suck our dicks.

Hell, I'd say the sun circles the earth; I'd say the world is flat! - if the woman would suck my dick for saying it.

I'll say, "I like you for your brains." while my hands massage your tits.

I'm not white, but I don't think it has anything to do with race. It is a gender thing.

I mean, last time I checked in Thailand, earlier this year, some white guys may have different standards for beauty than the typical Asian dude - tanned skin instead of white skin, for example - but they still go for AN idea of beauty. Tits and ass always grabs the attention. End of the day, it's all up to the person.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine the other day, asking about this.

"Yes, cause all Malay men are monkeys," she said.

"Intriguing," I said. "Please, continue."

SHE: Here's the deal. Malay men, they look for someone who would make them look good. Cause it's all about societal pressure with them. They need to show-off to their peers that they are successful. Success, comes in someone looking good and the ability to bear children. Meaning, as hunter-gatherers, they succeeded in getting the right prey. Then they go for all these other women. Malay men cheat like hell.

Me: Wow.

SHE: Chinese men, they look for more or less the same thing. Different priorities, but same shit. Their standing in society must be accentuated by their choice in a mate. Their relationship is more functional than true.

Me: Word?

SHE: That's why, for most Malaysians, I see very little capacity for love or passion. It's hard to find people who are at the very least capable of affection.

Me: Affection? What about -

SHE: I'm not talking about sex.

Me: Blowjobs?

SHE: That's disgusting. YOU'RE disgusting.

Me: SOme like it hot. SOme like it dirty. SOme like it, in the pot, and on the dresser, two notes of twenty.

SHE: Meaning?

Me: You is all hos, motherfucker!

I spent some time with my friend, on the subject. She began to list things that men do to women.

Me: Shiiiitt! And I can get away with that?

SHE: If you want to be a motherfucker.

Me: Wow.

SHE: You men think you're superior to women because you have a dick!

Me: Yay!

It was a weird, gender-bending week. And if I learned anything from all this shit-talk about relationships is this:


The world is not fair. Thank God I have a dick. Oh, thank you, God! Thank you for giving me a dick. I am superior than half the world's population because I have a dick.