Saturday, September 26, 2009

Demon-Cracy: Anatomy of a Cult

I figure that the fastest way to make money is by establishing a new religion or cult.

I mean, Calvary Church has hundreds of millions. They're constructing a 200 or 400 million ringgit church complex in Cheras or some shit like that.

Governments spend billions, maybe trillions each year on religion. Tourism because of religion also is worth billions. If not trillions.

You don't even need a proper religion. Just a cult will do.

So here it is: Demon-Cracy. My cult.

To make it legit in Malaysia, this cult, Demon-Cracy, worships nothing. No, scratch that. Demon-Cratics will worship other people. Meaning, we will do things, not because of fear of God, but fear of other people.

The catch-phrases will be:

"What would other people say?"

"Oh My Makcik Bedah Mulut Jubur!"

"Praise be to other people."

"In the name of Other People!"

The holy text would be comics written by British authors.

The basic tenets are simple.

1. Everyone else is wrong. Demon-Cratics are right. Whosoever says that we are wrong will be destroyed, waged war upon, invaded and all their oil confiscated.

2. Whosoever commits violence in the name of Demon-Cracy or Other People are freedom fighters. The rest are terrorists.

3. Demon-Cratics have the right to be offended with everything, especially fax machines. I FUCKING HATE FAX MACHINES! GOD HATES FAX!

4. List of things Demon-Cracy disapproves of:

a. abortion-rights people. Anti or pro.

b. vegetarians, vegans and such.


d. Twilight fans, aka TWITS.

e. atheists.

f. Jonas Brothers

g. Celibacy. All Demon-Cratics must fuck by 25 or lose their demon-craticness.


Stand on Afterlife:

After we die, we will join the Lifestream, as seen in Final Fantasy VII. One day, a meteor will come and Demon-Cratics will be part of Lifestream, which will save the world once again from the evil forces of Skeletor.

How to be a Demon-Cratic:

- simple. Send me money. Lots of money.