Saturday, November 5, 2011

Good Cop, Bad Cop, Cop a Feel

I was called in the morning today, to see some people about something, and we had a nice chat. During the conversation, I was told that the easiest way to make money in Malaysia nowadays is to advise politicians on their PR strategy, with particular interest on their Internet presence and persona.

So, as the world's greatest Internet image consultant, I was going to display my gargantuan brain by listing out several basic tips on cultivating an effective political online persona.

Instead, I decided to just write about sex education in Malaysian schools.

They say that there is no sex education in school. I beg to differ. I was eight years old, I think, when my Islamic Studies teacher said, "You can't have sex with your wife if she's having her period."

And I was like, "What the fuck is period?"

For years after that, there has been an obsession about periods. Apparently, women in their periods can't fast, can't fuck, can't perform the Haj, have to find other ways to 'pleasure their husbands' and that fucking doggie style is prohibited because Jews fuck from behind. Which leads me to having images of Muslim clerics watching Jewish porn in their offices. Because how else can you know about Jewish sex habits, if not for Jewish porn?

There is no need for sex education in Malaysian schools because, after going through the system, I can safely say that sex is taught quite openly as part of religion. There is an obsession about periods, or bleeding pussies, pregnancies, and taking baths after you have either ejaculated or menstruated, before you can pray and fast and stuff.

Barbaric, you say? Well, what right have you - or anyone - to judge how people want to live their lives?

Look at the liberals - always asking people not to judge them. But they judge those who judge them all the time. How can you preach tolerance when you are intolerant of intolerance?

I asked these questions when I was in my 20s. I'm an old man now. These days, I just laugh at people. And wank.