Thursday, November 24, 2011

400 Per Cent

Somebody once told me that I was too fucking intense. I made some people cry, and when I found out, I asked, "What's wrong?"

The person said, "I'm too tired."

So I said, "Well, maybe you could grab a candy bar. Snickers always does the trick, though I do prefer the taste of Butterfingers. I think you may have low-blood sugar level."

I have a strong flavour. A strong presence, so I keep it locked down cause the world is made of cardboard.

However, this is arrogance. This is just me thinking I'm better than everyone else.

Truth be told, at my most obnoxious, I have pissed off so many people. I pissed off, at one time, a PM's Press secretary, who had a gun. He eyeballed me like shit cause I went to an event in cargo pants and a torn t-shirt.

I pissed of terrorists (PIS-M), I pissed off gay people, I pissed off upstanding bullshit hypocrites of society. I pissed off people who deserve to get pissed on, and I pissed off people who didn't deserve it.

In my second assignment ever, I pissed off Ian Wright, and he kicked my ass. Literally.

I pissed off Raja Petra when I called him out on his promise to die. I pissed off Anwar Ibrahim until he blocked me on Twitter. I was asking him about phantom voters on his own constituency.

I pissed off people so much, they called my former bosses. At least three times. For different things.

And you know what? I'm surprised I'm still alive. I'm still standing here saying fuck the free world.

My editors who trained me, they pissed off Prime Ministers, Sub-Prime Ministers, Ministers, gangsters - they received clear threats (I only received threats from pussies). One of my bosses, one night, tried to pick a fight with an entire police station.

What I'm trying to say is, fuck that shit. Fuck all this thin masks of civility. You want things done, you got to break some cardboard boxes. And burn them.

I once helped conceptualise and execute a TV show in three days. Three days. There were three of us, and we did it while giggling like schoolgirls. That show went on to be one of the best performing shows on that channel that year.

My team at Astro, we did 3800 hours of TV shows one year. That's THREE. THOUSAND. AND EIGHT HUNDRED. HOURS. Anyone from the team, whether you love me or hate me, stand up and be proud.

With a skeleton crew at The Malay Mail, because skeleton crews are all The Malay Mail ever had, we did the jobs of hundreds. Maybe thousands. In Hulu Selangor by election, one newspaper sent 11 photographers and 11 journalists. Another sent 11 journalists and photographers. The Malay Mail? We sent 2.

My team of 6 writers at The Malay Mail entertainment desk filled in the same number of pages as a team of 17. Previously, I was a member of the team at The Malay Mail who worked at least 12 hours a day and churned out stories for 16 pages a day, every single fucking day of the week, 365 days a year.

I went to every single assignment my editor told me to go to, no matter how stupid it seemed. Because no story is stupid. With proper research, writing and editing, any story can be great.

I did movies that won awards, and some of them, kids still come up to me and tell me how they enjoyed them, which is the highest praise.

One of my articles was laminated and hung at Bukit Bintang because I wrote a drag queen show review as if it was the Miss Malaysia pageant. Highest acclaim as a writer.

And you know what, I still remember what my first editor told me, as she handed me a copy of the first story I ever got published in the newspaper.

"You started out writing cover stories. Never go down from there."

From that day, I treated every single story and every single task as if it was a cover story. I don't care where it gets published. When you read it or watch it or experience it, BAM!

The only times - and there were many of these - that anything I worked on suffered, is when I stop to listen to other people. Fuck other people.

It doesn't matter what other people think because I AM THE 400 PER CENT. I can't keep my head down. I'll go out blazing, whichever way that may be. Cause that's how I fucking roll.

And one of these days, if you fucking pussies ever, EVER, get the balls to finally come and kill me, please do. Because I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Fuck your mother.