Seduction of the Innocent

All day, I felt like I was racing towards the finish line, which is now.

I just wanted to get through the day, the week, so I could finally sleep. As always, once you reach the pinnacle of something, you linger. I am lingering now.

I know some things are in good hands. I also started some things tonight which will ripple towards the end of next month, towards the end of this year and perhaps to the end of my life.

I only have so much time before the world tire of me and discard me to the bin labeled 'decompose'. Everything I'm doing takes me further towards something I have planned and pondered for decades.

Last week, I went and joined an open house organised by and for people like me. Fans of comics and animation who decided to embark in creating stuff themselves.

I must admit I'm a little jealous. Not for their achievements, as I have my own, or for their money, even though I have just enough. I am jealous because these people retained their sense of wide-eyed wonder, while I discarded everything to be a jaded machine.

My narrative is incomplete. What I'm working on is not yet finished. And yet I couldn't help but wonder, had I taken the innocent route, would I have been closer to my goals? Should I have taken another turn, somewhere? Would it have gotten me there quicker?

Regardless, all these do not make me happy, sad or anything. I understand enough to know that true happiness comes from not giving a fuck, and giving a fuck only when it is needed and necessary.

But I can't help but wonder at the innocence lost. It felt as if I went to sleep one day, innocent, and woke up to piles of pussy.

While others built their nerdvana and some started breeding stables or nurturing a rabid nest of psychosis, I focused on whatever was at hand, knowing that there is a grand design of my own, but not knowing whether I will ever get there.

I guess, when you reach the edge of a cliff, and you see the turbulent waters underneath, you might hesitate to make the leap. I have made many jumps in my life and I do not regret a single one. Some were miraculous in the sense that I am still alive. Others were simply bad decisions.

No, I'm not talking about risks. My great cliff, before I reach the mountain, is whether all these disjointed components will fit, in the end?

My great leap is a leap of faith. In myself, in all and everything I have ever done to get me to come full circle.

Nothing matters, sure, but will anything work? Will everything move like clockwork, as I have planned?

It is an interesting show. Let's grab our balls and watch the pulleys turn, and raise the curtain.

Old Dogs, Politics and Bullshit

They say the best way to learn something new is to do it yourself.

These past two weeks, I did almost everything I have never done before. I filled in forms - I FUCKING HATE FORMS! - I used Excel - I FUCKING HATE EXCEL! - and I did something I haven't done in a long while, which is keep on working without sleep for a few days.

Way back in 2008, I was hospitalised for kidney stones that formed probably due to my habit of consuming energy drinks. I drank a few bottles every day so I could forego sleep and plow through writing a million words a year. I was also extremely stressed out.

Back then, I attended four to six meetings a day, did 10 proposals a week and I was writing movies on weekends. Not a single shred of personal time was enjoyed, except when I went to Thailand. Going home to Kuantan was no refuge - it was hard work. That year, just to stay sane, I went to Thailand five fucking times.

As I grew older, I found my body growing weaker. I really, seriously believed I couldn't work like I did 10 years ago, or even five years ago.

But this week, after I reached the very bottom of fatigue, and beyond, I found myself energised again. Not delirious with energy, energy, but a kind of crazy calm. Which explains why I couldn't sleep just now. It was 6am and if had I slept immediately, I could have enjoyed two hours before continuing this week's mad hassle.

However, no sleep came. My mind suddenly became clear. My eyesight improved, my sense of smell, keen. My breathing is now easier. I smoke my third pack right now with regulated breathing.  I have passed the threshold.

I know this will not last, and I believe by the end of today, I will be asleep and won't wake up till Saturday night, maybe.

But for now, I am good to go.

In about 30 minutes, I'll be taking a shower and then off for breakfast. Then on to the first task of the day - seeing clients. Yes. Clients. With an S.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened this week. Suffice to say, I may have found an investor for one of my long-term projects, suddenly found a few new clients, rekindled old relationships and a business thing I did months ago suddenly resurfaced. Almost forgot about that, completely.

The book I edited now has a tagline and ideas for a cover.

I also found myself in situations where I could sit back and observe humorous things people do and enjoy the irony, or hypocrisy.

Lim Guan Eng 'suggesting' a ban on Tanda Putera, for instance, when he should not have jumped on the anti-freedom of speech bandwagon. I thought that was full of BN people. But it goes to show how even a perfect person as Lim Guan Eng can react emotionally, personally and in such a petty manner when his own father is rumoured to have been depicted as peeing on the Malaysian flag in the movie.

What a fucking asshole. Nobody gave a shit about Tanda Putera until Guan Eng reacted so fearfully of the movie. Now, I'm gonna watch it, you're gonna watch it, everyone's going to watch it. Thanks a lot, you fucking nincompoop.

And this PROVES! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, my predictions that when Pakatan Rakyat takes over in 2018 or 2023, we will have the same old bullshit as we are having right now.

Oh well. I got more important stuff to do than talk about Guan Eng. So maybe I'll write about him and Tanda Putera later.

For now, there's that shower and that breakfast before I go and deal with today's tasks. Yahiya Chouhada!

X-cutioner's Song

You won't believe what I am doing, what I was offered to do, what I turned down and what I am currently working on.

I have become a machine, an automaton. I am proud of myself that I have managed to set aside any and all emotion, to focus on ruthless aggression - a trait that will make me WWE Champion in no time.

I mean, seriously, I have cast aside everything with only one goal in mind. No emotion, no ego, opinions or whatever human.  I have become more machine than man.

How else could I explain the fact that the more energy I use up, the calmer I become. I do not whine, I do not complain, I don't even care about whatever the fuck.

One thing. Just one thing. I imagine it as a mountain, as Neil Gaiman said we should. My goal is a mountain. Every single decision I make, everything I do, I ask myself one simple question: does this get me closer to the mountain, or take me further away?

I am not afraid to heap on more responsibilities, or even cut off anything holding me back. I move, and the universe moves with me.

I am the executor. En taro Adun.

State of the Onion Knight

Spent the past week working like crazy. Capped off Sunday with two hours of sleep, before going for a morning meeting and then preparing for another meeting at 3pm which suddenly became a solo thing.

Meanwhile, my father fell in his bathroom in Kuantan. There are some issues, but everything seems under control.

Was interviewed by some students on that movie which I guess will follow me forever - Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. I was late because I decided to catch up with some sleep and missed the 9pm meeting. Made it anyway and I hope I was of some help.

Right now, my entire body feels like a knot. Shot some emails tonight and I still owe one artist a script. I think I'll send the comics script later this week.

There are proposals to prepare, a website to do and several other pending stuff.

There are things to do tomorrow, and an event on Wednesday. Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines.

Thank God for Ammeltz Yoko Yoko. Hey, Ammeltz. I'm promoting your product here. Can you at least send me a box of those things?

Oh well. Time to go to sleep.

Notes on the Run

There was a time when my father was the headman in his village as well as the Ketua Cawangan UMNO. He's extremely right-wing and I don't have the heart to tell him how things might swing in the next 5-15 years.

Anyway, being in such a traditional Malay position, he was often accused of taking bribes and also, one General Election, of registering dead people on the electoral roll.

I remember this because these monkeys called my home phone - an amazing feat for monkeys, I assure you - and flat out accused my father of tampering with the voters' list.

We figured out who were behind the call and invited the squealing monkeys to our home. I remember being extremely angry, because my father is such an annoyingly strict person when it comes to following rules.

These monkeys judged him as themselves - given the same opportunity and power, they would certainly have indulged in corruption. They cannot comprehend that a person might not be a monkey like them.

I was with my mother on this issue - I wanted a fight. I was young and foolish.

My father simply asked them about it, and of course they denied it, laughing all the way. And then they left. I wanted so much to punch them in the face and cut their dicks off.

I asked my father afterwards, why he just took it.

His answer would be repeated for all instances when people borrowed money from him or said bad things about him behind his back - "Aku pedulittaik" (I don't give a flying fuck).

It was much later I realised the wisdom behind this. No matter what other people said about him, my father understood that the truth - the only truth - lies between him and God. A pious man - much more Islamic than I am - my father found his solace not in the thoughts of others, but in his own meditations with God, in his prayers.

Decades later, I was sitting down with prostitutes, a Malinese/Malian guy, several Irish lads and other random strangers in a back alley in Bangkok. I was bitching about people back home in Malaysia trying to impose their brand of Islam on me, trying to figure out whether I was a Shiite or a believer in a deviant branch/sect of Islam (deviant according to our Islamic councils), and also trying to verify whether rumours of me being a homosexual were true.

Some of these, WERE my friends. See the all caps on WERE? Fuck you, you fucking judgmental monkeys. I judge you as monkeys, so suck my dick.

One prostitute said to me, "If heaven and hell exists, who decides where we go after we die?"

"IF it exists? Well, God, I guess."

"Then it's none of our bloody fucking business, is it? Our business is to live the best life we could."

I will never forget that, and I will keep on repeating this story, because it has had such a profound impact on my life.

These days, my father is living the last legs of his life in a home he built with his own money. Nothing from corruption or misappropriated funds. It is a modest house, on a modest piece of land on a hill, surrounded by a swamp.

Those idiots who accused him of corruption are also alive, which I believe to be their punishment. For what kind of life would it be, as a stupid monkey?

I go to bed now with the realisation that for all his life, my father never lost sleep on those idiots.

"Aku pedulittaik."

Good on him. I wish him comfort and peace.

Full Steam Ahead

What struck me tonight is the fact that I can still find extremely talented, like-minded people. And I thought I've been around the block a few times.

It's refreshing as much as it is delightfully surprising. Being a pessimist, I am always ready for people to call off things, to say this or that can't happen because of whatever.

But not today. Not today.

For a long time, I have been working in my own force-field where I follow my own rules, my own code. Oh, I have rules. Lots of them, and only I know when they are broken.

Finding people in similar situations always makes me feel good. I know it is foolish to allow anyone or anything be a factor for one's happiness, but I couldn't help myself.

We are the best at what we do. And we follow the same honour code. In a world where these things don't matter and you have pretenders left, right and centre, it is extremely refreshing to find the real deal sometimes.

Ah, and since I am not announcing any news or is emotionally inflamed about anything, I guess this entry will be short.

Yes, we are the best at what we do. And to avoid being the best at doing nothing, I shall excuse myself right now for a well-deserved rest for tomorrow is another day.

The Best vs The Beast

I remember one day, years ago, sitting down in front of the late Yasmin Ahmad somewhere in BSC.

I sipped my coffee, and told her that I got a job at Astro and on weekends, I was going to do movies.

"My movies will win awards," I said.

Yasmin looked at me, sipped her coffee and said, wisely, "If you want to make movies for awards, you shouldn't be making movies."

I nodded, sipped my coffee, and proceeded to do movies that won top awards in some festivals, including Best Film gongs.

It was the only way I knew how to be the best in the business. When I was younger, it was easier to understand how to gauge being the best but a lot harder to achieve.

My father was a teacher and he reserved his strictest education standards for his children, which in turn was a watered down version of his own personal hell.

In primary school, I got all As and was always number one in class except for two occasions during mid-terms. That's it. Six years, 12 finals, and two number twos. The rest were all number ones.

I was a kid, so I wanted the approval of my parents. Went back home one day scoring 97% average or something on all my papers. Had a report card to prove it. Still have it.

Showed it to my old man, he took a glance and he said only one thing in his monotonous voice. "You can do better."

No pats on the back. No "good jobs". Just "you can do better". You don't get any praise for getting all As. You are expected to. That's how I grew up. None of this medal for participating bullshit. It's not okay to score a B. You either achieve the near impossible, or you go quietly to your room.

And if you fuck up, the old man would unleash psychological nightmares on you. Anything and everything anyone can ever say to me, I've heard it said in my home. In fact, you losers don't even begin to comprehend how to put people down.

When I came to KL, I saw that the standards were much, much lower. The only thing you have to do is show up.

Final year paper I did for my Bachelor degree - Computer Science. I just did the work, as per instruction - added a six-month head start cause I was kiasu - and it was lightyears away from the guy doing his masters who was checking my project.

He was talking about determining password limitations as if it's a thing. You use any programming language and you can set the limit with two, three lines of code. Apparently, it was his thesis or something, when my project had an internal messaging system and mark subjective test papers using AI. Come on!

This was why I was offered to present my paper in Portugal at a computer science convention. Must have been a small one, I don't know. I decided not to enter the industry in favour of becoming a writer here.

I saw that the standards at college is maintained everywhere.

You want to advance in any gigantic organisation? Just do your job. Keep your head down, do your job, and you'll stand out from the idiots who don't do theirs.

The creative industry? I overheard some people say they wanted to do this creative thing or that because others sucked so much at it.

One guy said to me, "Amir, your brain functioning at half-capacity is genius compared to these people."

After a while, I also thought the same. How bad can I be if other people are so much worse? And every time I think that, I always fall flat on my face.

I tried to gauge my work using whatever means available. End of the day, Yasmin was and is right. Making movies, writing - it's not about awards.

Even the Academy Awards is merely a trophy given out by just several thousand members. Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS, haha!) has a total membership of 5783. Of this number, 94% are white, 77% male, 14% under the age of 50, and has a median age of 62 (according to a survey of 5,000 members in 2012).

So the Oscars is just a bunch of old white guys telling people which movies they like. Sure, they're professionals, but why should seven billion people listen to 5783?

If we go by capitalist vote, the best movie ever is probably Avatar, which got billions of US dollars from people all over the world.

And yet the elitists and intellectuals say Avatar is not a good movie.

Which brings me to my next point. It is so easy to be an intellectual, or a 'liberal' without actually being an intellectual or liberal. You just tell people you're an intellectual or a liberal, and people here will believe you.

It's not the books you read, what you know or what you do. It's what you tell people you read, it's what you imply to people you know. Whether you can do something or not is immaterial. Perception is king. Truth is a bitch. Nothing is real. It's just a bunch of bullshit garbage.

So I took it a step further. Since no one is going to name anyone as best in the world, I took it to calling myself the best in the world, with a dick three feet long. I mean, people just believe what they read and since Malaysians are so lazy, they tend to believe a lot of things people say.

You see, for a lot of people whom I judge to be near-sighted individuals, all they want is to be loved. And how will they know they are loved? If people say they are good. If people tell them, constantly, that they are loved.

This needy, childish bullshit - you can grow out of it. I grew out of it at eight years old.

Motivational

Assaulted by news of husbands physically assaulting wives and assault rifles being sold in Malaysia for a song on Facebook, I turn to that ubiquitous question - what drives people to do what they do?

In essence, all humans are animals, with the exception of the homo-sapiens superior (the mixed race). As animals, they are always trying to make themselves look better or more appealing to the opposite sex. Yes, the drive for animals is sex.

And sex is just the tip. Sex is a symptom, an indicator, a CPI. Sex is really just one of the manifestations of the very human need to be noticed, to exert influence, to matter. Sex is just a major way in which humans establish their existence. It is a means to establish their ego.

Physically attractive people, such as myself, concern with beautifying our image. Those of lesser gifts - or ugly people - employ a myriad of tricks such as screaming and yelling, flailing their arms about, or try to establish their mental or moral superiority.

This need to establish one's existence is chronic and ultimately incurable. In layman's terms, these people have holes in their souls which they continuously try to fill with stuff, without realising the futility of filling in a hole with a hole in it, or a four-dimensional moebius colon like in Futurama.

Oh well. I have lots to do in order to beautify my bank account.

Cheerio!

Lord of Destruction

A week or two ago, a friend approached me with news of an investor who wants to make films. Said investor has a few million ringgit to do movies and my friend was wondering whether I had any sure-fire hits in my computer.

I asked him, "Is the guy doing movies for money, or for satisfaction?"

"Money," he said.

"Then go into the food business."

I am now in the middle of completing two separate budgets for two completely different projects. One is a corporate communications strategy and the other is a creative pitch budget. None of them has anything to do with movies. Both have production work, of course, but none for movies.

The numbers are simply not encouraging, as I have specified earlier on this website. Last year, the Malaysian film scene churned out 76 films at a total budget of RM123 million. These films took RM97 million, notching a loss of 26 million or 21%.

It means a return rate of 79 cents to the dollar if the graph stays the same. On average. You could still make money, as some do, or you could do worse.

This, at a time when box office collections for all movies shown in Malaysia has increased by roughly 300% since six years ago. Last year we saw the total gross at over RM600 million.

Hans Isaac recently made waves with his disappointment at Lemak Kampung Santan which raked in around RM100,000 at the Raya box-office. Hans wants to quit films, he said in an interview with Astro Awani. I don't blame him.

I went to an open house today and met some people in the industry. Lots of frustration, and some hope.

A few still believe you just need to keep delivering better stories. That Malaysian actors are now bloody brilliant and the audience no longer cares about celebrity and star power to decide which movie they go to.

I did not disagree simply because yes, this is true, but it is not the complete answer. And neither are any one party to blame and no, I do not believe there has been vast improvement in any discipline - my personal opinion. I believe everyone shares in their responsibilities for the slow decay of the film scene.

Some people are already pushing alarm bells - more in favour of steps taken by the Korean or Indonesian governments, for instance, limiting the number of screens that can show foreign films or slap a hefty tax on foreign entertainment.

This could mean an increase in ticket prices for Avengers 2 or the next Superman movie. From an informal survey conducted amongst prostitutes in Indonesia, it seems as if this has resulted in resentment from some quarters of the public.

"I only listen to dangdut and watch dangdut concerts," said one well-spoken lady of the night. "I do not give a fuck - literally - about the TV and film industry."

A quick check at the new Malaysian Culture Minister and the only announcement he has made is 'suggesting' playing the National song in cinemas. And only during Merdeka season.

So, maybe no movement there, for a while. Or maybe they will move at an inopportune time, as ministers are usually prone to do.

The Government often seems to believe that '70s style Dharma Initiative brainwashing is still applicable to all 28 million Malaysians and we should not be surprised if this trend continues.

Me? I'm hoping for reincarnation. I believe that once the money people are out of the scene, only the passionate ones - who believe that better stories, better acting, better technical skills are the solution - will stay on.

Maybe we should do Iran-style movies, as some people who are passionate about films only concern themselves with the possibilities of our films making it to international film festivals, commercial success be damned. Iran is renowned for its artistic films, but also manages to produce 130 - mostly commercial - films a year, on average.

For every artistic Iranian film, the numbers dictate there are 10 or more 'commercial films' and some of these overlap. I don't know which because I have only seen exactly ONE Iranian film, and didn't quite enjoy it because it did not have manly men in trenchcoats walking away from explosions without looking back.

Or boobies.

Meanwhile, I am content with my regular role as an observer and wanker of epic proportions. And now if you'll excuse me, I have another budget to edit.

Oy vey.

Scorpions, Frogs and the Economics of Racism

As the greatest economist of the 21st Century, I observe Malaysia's downgrade in ratings (S&P Moody's Fitch) with a grim and yet bored glare. I am also reminded of the fable about the scorpion and the frog.

What if all the grandstanding racism, hatred and stupidity demonstrated by Malaysians daily result in an implosion of the Malaysian economy?

Most of the businesses and money in Malaysia are owned by the Chinese community. Their customers are mostly Malays. Except for things such as high-end property, luxury cars and expensive things, most of the consumers who actually spend money in this country are Malays.

I'm half-Chinese and one of the things I do that believe follow my Chinese genes is in the way I shop. I go for bargains and I never, ever, buy anything expensive unless necessary. Even if I have the money, I hate spending it. Most of my Chinese friends do this as well. This is good for us, but bad for the economy. 

Consumer spending is the economy's blood pressure. A low rate will hurt businesses which then probably have to close down or downsize, creating unemployment, resulting in less taxes, lower standard of living, increased prices (in some sectors) and higher crime rates.

I am sad to say this, but the Malays' overspending of their income and taking debts with no chance of savings is what makes this country go round. The Malays' financial suicide is good for the country's economy.

If the Malaysian economy is hit hard, the first to feel it would be the Chinese community, with all their money and investments and businesses. Eventually, this will be felt by everyone else, including the Malay community who will then start killing people in the streets. I hope not, but if we can't get our chicken... the Arab Spring's greatest symptom before it happened - to me - was that beef became a luxury item for a few years.

I don't know about consumer spending, but I see retail being hit hard. A relative went to a shop recently at 9.45pm and she was the first - and perhaps only - customer they had that day.

With ever-increasing prices of property, I don't see most of the Malays buying a lot of houses and apartments. And with the Chinese quest for bargains, anything not on the cheap would also not be that attractive. Then again, I am assuming things. What do I know? I'm just a throwaway genius no one listens to but whose predictions all come true. Every single fucking one of them.

The solution is simple. Set aside our differences and start working together. Fuck racism. Let's make money, bitches!

The business community (read: Chinese) should make efforts to keep their customers (read: Malays) happy. And we should all support Malaysian businesses, regardless of race. If we do this, we can disregard our ratings given by politically-motivated giant international corporations or even a real-estate invasion by Singaporeans because we have a strong core. We could be on the right track again.

If we set aside our emotions and look at things from a purely objective standpoint.

Shoulda. Woulda. Coulda.

Sigh. My instincts tell me this will not happen, because we Malaysians are too emotional and dumb.

This reminds me of the tale about the scorpion and the frog.

A scorpion wants to cross the river. He can't swim, so he asked a frog to take him across. The frog gave the scorpion a once-over, particularly at his claws and his poisonous tail.

"Okay, dude, but don't sting me or try to kill me. We would both die," said the frog.

"No worries," said the scorpion, cause he's Australian. "I won't."

So the scorpion got on the frog's back and the frog swam across the river. In the middle of the journey, the scorpion stings the frog.

As the frog dies, he said, "Why did you do that? Now we will both die!"

"It is my nature," said the scorpion.

Now, I know most of you will think of yourself as the frog. You're the one doing the favour, and you're the one being screwed over.

No.

ALL of you are the scorpion AND the frog. There is no differentiation. We are killing ourselves for no reason other than it is in our nature to kill ourselves.

Jack-Off and the Beanstalk

Some of my relatives have ties with the Government, so they asked me about the situation BN is in. As usual, I told them the truth - that the BN machinery is wholly inadequate, mismanaged and unprepared for any public relations or psychological battle for perception online.

The main problem is this: before even thinking about engaging the Red Bean Army - whether it is real or not(I'll get to that later) - the BN people need to do a massive housecleaning.

The reason why BN was so exposed to attack before, during and after GE13 is due to their own incompetence. While Najib has perhaps instilled a gag order so we hear less of ministers making stupid and damning statements, BN has constantly shot themselves in the foot by not making clear their own stand on issues.

From the banal and unnecessary Alvivi, the security issue of nearly 50 fatal shootings, the socio-religious  dog lady issue, and the worrying downgrade with Standard & Poor's Fitch Ratings have not seen any of the BN's 130++ strong Parliamentary representation make any sort of concerted response.

Granted, it was Raya season, but fuck you. Seriously. Just, fuck you. Ignoring things will never make them go away.

Surprisingly, this is the occasion when Government longhorns are expected to trump their more inexperienced Opposition members who know only one thing - condemn the Government for everything.

Anyway, another weakness is BN's cybertroopers who are so stupid, they did not realise that the label 'cybertrooper' is not good. It's like 'astroturfing' (a manufactured viral phenomenon that is not done by the grassroot, but rather by corporations looking to tap into the social graph), and is like saying "I'm a Government lapdog."

I had the opportunity to have been engaged by UMNO's Unit Media Baru. Their strategy goes like this:

1. Go on a personal attack

The first thing they do is to attack their targets on a personal basis. This would result in Internet sympathy and demonstrate that they are not there to address any important issue or clear any misinformation. It is purely egotistical and any non-monkeys would not fall for that.

Personal attacks can only work at the end of a debate/argument when the issue at hand can no longer be brought forward, or if they attack in large numbers. They did not. The second identity to attack me only made an appearance a couple of hours later. They should have blasted me with 15 of their bots at least.

This shows the BN cybertroopers have no sense of direction whatsoever and their claims to have been trained (made in public) is an extremely stupid revelation that strengthens public paranoia that they are being systematically lied to and manipulated by the authorities.

2. Try to get two or three of their targets to fight each other

Minutes after our encounter, the BN cybertrooper tried to get me to say bad things about KJ. I had no problem calling KJ names, and they soon paraded this fact to get KJ - their own perceived enemy - and myself to fight each other.

The idea is to get two enemies to destroy each other. You know who uses this tactic? Me. When I was five years old. In kindergarten. This is the current capability of BN cybertroopers - the mentality of retarded children fed thousands of dollars of stupid money.

3. Make wild assumptions

They then assumed that I was doing all that to take over the BN social media machinery. This is not true - my clients are corporations, not Governments.

They also assumed I was part of KJ's BNYV unit.

4. Rigidity

When I revealed and finally - after numerous tries - convinced them I was the wrong target, they then did a clumsy retreat by first declaring victory and then softening their stance.

This showcases the rigidity in their approach and tactics.

So we have politicians who are so afraid of their own bullshit, they forget to do their jobs, while their minions run around knocking over things.

The Red Bean Army could very well be just a Stand Alone Complex. Just a bunch of individual targets who act in a concerted effort or perhaps a few paid coalitions who then join forces with the same goal in mind - creating the illusion of a mass cyber army. Regardless of this, the BN machinery is so unprepared, stupid and delusional they couldn't even retreat properly let alone make any coherent point.

So I told my relatives who asked all about this. But really, I have one message for BN people:

Clean up your act.

If anything, I love the fact that we have a strong Opposition so the BN fuckers would not be so bold as to commit even worse acts of corruption. I do not have any evidence of any corruption or mismanagement, but this is the perceived notion and it is up to BN to clear this up.

Having Sharizat Jalil behind Najib on GE13 results night, for example, is not a wise move as she is still connected to the NFC scandal. And the NFC scandal demonstrated one of the worst PR management ever.

If Sharizat simply distanced herself from her family and said even though her husband and children are her flesh and blood, they would have to face the music if accountable for the accusations, it might not have been as bad. Furthermore, on the company car being parked at her house, she could have mentioned in court that a lot of other companies do that - keep their company cars on private property.

Instead, Sharizat cam off as standoffish in the papers about all these things.

Lynas was not handled properly, demonstrating one of the worst PR managements in the history of this country, allowing misinformation and lies to be spread by Fuziah Salleh and friends on a grand scale.

BN needs to clean up its act and get stronger. I want to see a Brock Lesnar vs CM Punk for GE14, not Andre the Giant vs Barry Horrowitz.

So when my relative asked me whether I want to join politics, I told him no way, jose.

I cannot lie, so I can never be an effective politician. And politicians, on ALL sides, are all liars. ALL of them. I do not trust any politician, whether they hold office or not.

Game of Raya

If you ask me what Hari Raya is like with my family, I think I should show you this:




For example, there has been word being thrown around that I am evil. Some people are taking all the credit for everything and making up stories about me. This is due to some crazy revenge plot resulting from a traumatised ego and rewriting of history - lying - and since I do not stand for lies, some try to eliminate me.

I am also not that useful for most family members since I cannot be manipulated into believing lies or doing their stupid bidding. It is actually the same with most families, but they usually accept, adapt and promote falsehood. Being fake is a family thing. The only credit I give to my clan is that we do not hide our aggression.

I am not here to dispel any rumours that I am evil. In fact, here I am on a normal day:




In all honesty, I want them to pull off some shit. I want them to betray me, so I could add to the number of people I don't give a fuck about.

I have made arrangements for my death, my funeral and my grave. I wish to only have a tombstone with this inscription on it:

Amir Hafizi
1980-???
FUCK OFF AND DIE

This is all done so I would not have lies told on my grave.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To me, every Raya is like the Thanksgiving I see Americans celebrate on TV.

I go back to my hometown, battle-ready to fight my family members over bullshit, and then get really happy when I get back to KL, to live in solitude.

This year, I want to focus on the more positive aspects of Raya and Thanksgiving. So here goes.

1. I am thankful that I was born with a dick and a sack of balls. Women have it rough. Some like it that way, so fuck them. Like, literally.

2. I am thankful for idiots. Without them, I wouldn't be able to make money or look good or fuck a girl. Thank you for being there when I was at my worst because you idiots suck way more than I do.

3. I am thankful for all the shitty things people do to me. These gifts of betrayal and bullshit have given me the opportunity and guilt-free moral authority to exact revenge in ever more creative ways.

4. I am thankful for my insomnia from 2008-10 that has spurred my most productive era ever.

5. I am thankful for all the bad mistakes I did when I was younger cause I couldn't get away with doing them now, when I'm older and have no excuse.

6. I am thankful for not giving a damn about anything. This is the root of all freedom.

7. I am thankful for all the ugly girls because they make Thailand so much sweeter.

8. I am thankful for all the judgments thrown my way by stupid fucking monkeys.

9. I am thankful that stupid politicians rule over us. Imagine if they're smart. They'd rule over us for decades and steal all our money.

10. I am thankful for YOU cause you suck my dick every day.

R Truth

Around eight years ago or thereabouts, I was a young journalist working the performing arts beat under the entertainment section. I asked one of the personalities of the scene, "Why do you continue making these things? These 'art' things?"

He flustered and fumbled and at first tried to chide me for my question - a sure sign I have asked a good question - and came up with a forgettable answer. I don't think he knows any good reason.

I have been in this business for 10 years. I have seen some things and I have my own answers now - wanking purposes - but I believe that the creative medium is extremely important. As important as education. Because it speaks directly to the person and influences society at a more basic, deeper level.

We have to watch what we say - especially on a public platform, even the often-dismissed artistic one - because those in power only want certain narratives to flow. It is in the best interest of some people - sometimes in the best interest of all - for only one side of the truth to be presented. So most people would mostly be thinking in one way.

If the creative medium is not important, then why do we have censorship? Why are there regulations and rules if it is insignificant? No. Governments, authorities place so much of their resources on this because they are afraid one poem, one movie, one article or one song could change everything - perhaps for the better, or maybe for worse. I do not seek to judge.

The problem with the creative medium is more often than not, the people in it are much too self-important and self-centered to be effective in any large way.

In fact, I am extremely uninterested in political motivations behind creative work. I believe people who infuse their work with political bullshit are merely tainting their work with unnecessary excrement.

I have given up on politics having any positive impact on the country and/or its people. I believe Pakatan Rakyat will take over Malaysia in my lifetime and those idiots who believe things will change will be either disappointed or fall into a delusional state of mind when things stay the same. 

Politics and elections only determine who gets to steal more money. It is not for the purpose of forwarding civilisation or facilitating evolution. It is completely useless except for the people who know how to manipulate the system. Most think they do, but after seeing the masters do it, I believe most of you overestimate your intelligence, skill and luck.

No. If the creative medium holds any worth or value as an impactful channel, it will and should be social. This is the one thing Dr M failed to do - change/improve the mindset of Malaysians. 

While a giant in pragmatism and foresight, Dr M neglected the creative medium. In his 22 years, he wrote one poem - a decent one which does not follow any structure - and his ass-kissers treat it as if the old man invented poetry.

I believe that the key to improving society is to encourage as many voices as possible to share their ideas and opinions. Which is why I am enjoying the Information Age. Technological advancement also means more and more people from all manner of financial abilities have the means to create and distribute their work.

Censorship is a bane and a nuisance, as I believe the answer to a voice or an idea you do not agree with is not arrests or lawsuits, but rather another voice or idea going against the offending one.

This fact is forgotten by both sides of the political divide. DAP has banned reporters. The BN Gov are arresting people for what they say. Politicians on both sides have sued reporters. And yet behind closed doors, these same politicians kiss and fuck each other in the ass. Yes, they all have congress through their anuses because they are in cahoots.

The great lie we see politicians play out every day is EXACTLY the same as professional wrestling. With all the power BN has, I wonder why they have never killed Anwar Ibrahim's entire family. In 1998. That's what I would have done, if I was in power.

No. They are all friends and they are cheating us of our money. In pro-wrestling, this is called kayfabe. Remember it well.

Anyway, I am writing this because I am about to embark on another adventure in the creative medium and the next phase starts tomorrow. Hopefully, I can send it to Chee before I go back to Kuantan for Raya.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

If I told you that I am happy, or that I have been mostly happy since 2009, I think no one would believe me.

I have displayed anger, sadness, hatred, frustration and was in depression quite a number of times. There were occasions I sought the company of friends, thinking I was in despair or needed advice on things. Some were kind enough to give me time of day and I appreciate that.

In truth, though, sometime in 2009, I realised that nothing really matters. I say this not with negativity, but with a quiet fondness for the idea. It is about letting go, and that was the hardest lesson.

You see, humans are all so intense and worked up because of the ego. This feeling that you need to shout your existence or ensure your presence is felt. The ego also convinces us that we need to be better, larger, faster than others. It is one thing that tells us we are separate from others.

In Buddhism, this is pegged as desire. In Hinduism, the mind. In Neon Genesis Evangelion, this is called the Absolute Terror Field or AT Field. The AT Field encapsulates even cell membranes on a sub-atomic level and pushes each field apart, eventually developed as a defensive/offensive system for robots.

Buddhist philosophies, though, say that we are all connected. We are not separated, but rather part of a larger whole. Seeing it this way, the competition, the concerns of being better or faster does not even emerge.

Hinduism says the mind is maya. The mind is false. It means what we experience through our senses is not true. Islamic mysticism and philosophy, Sufism, says that 'all structures are unsafe'. This refers to the impermanence of everything.

If everything is connected, and nothing is permanent, then why the struggle? Like The Joker in The Dark Knight said, "Why so serious?"

Once you have detached your self from the squabbles of daily living, of perceived reality, you will discover a kind of freedom, which leads to nothing really matters.

So why live at all?

Well, the only way to ensure the ego does not influence what we do or experience is to acknowledge it. If we are angry, then we are angry. If we are sad, then we are sad. Does it mean anything? No. Does it affect the state of the universe? No. Given a long enough timeline, everything that happened might have never happened at all. Look at mythology. Look at history. Nobody knows for sure.

Our planet is a tiny speck of dust. If we look at the real big picture, we do not matter at all. And neither do our frustrations, our lives, or the monkeys who surround us.

It is all a big joke. Just like your mother.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Three years ago, somebody called Chetz uploaded a video about her celebrating Hari Raya with her dogs. Chetz is a Muslim dog trainer, which is something like a Buddhist Terrorist or a realist dreamer.

The video's  message is a positive one - we should celebrate and open ourselves to all, regardless of breed, creed, race or colour - even species.

Today, she was hauled in for questioning by the police. Cue outrage from some quarters. I don't agree with the outrage, not really, but I understand.

Apparently, the dog lady's video is deemed by some to be offensive. I don't agree with this, but I understand.

The thing is, we all live in different Malaysias. The latest GE showed even a gap in ideology and thinking between demographics in different areas.

The religion thing has been extremely divisive and different people live in different realities. There are people - lots of them - who would prefer it if we were to pretend we are an Islamic country. Some are still calling for a real Islamic nation of domination, hudud and all. Others would prefer we call ourselves and act as what we are selling to the rest of the world - a secular state.

The truth is, we exist in all those states at different levels. Apostasy is frowned upon - frowned upon hard - and deviant teachings of Islam are busted like a whore's vagina during the trial run. However, there are pockets of Shiite and Wahabbiism, even some weird cults and a healthy population of atheists and agnostics amongst the Malays. These are tolerated, as long as they don't make a scene. The problem is when these sects and teachings rear their heads from the shadows and start bellowing stuff.

The religion of Islam is used by political parties to keep everyone in the same demographics they can target with their propaganda, to ensure their power base, with which to get power and hence money. All this hoo-haa, which seeps into education, finances, economics, law - everything in this country - is simply so that some people - a small group - can exert rules and parameters with which to pitch their political bullshit. These people are called politicians.

You see, mass social control is never about the people, God or heaven. It is always about money.

If people are so concerned with the well-being of their fellow man (or woman) - as preached by all religions -  there would be no inflicting of pain, persecution, lying or manipulation. There would simply be love and acceptance, niceness all around.

But "the world is not nice." - Blade. The world is not filled with love or acceptance. That comes from very few individuals, but not from the world.

It is the all-dancing, all-singing crap of the world. Leeching us of money and time and energy.

I am glad that this is happening, really. There is now a chance for addressing our quantum state of bullshit. But as with every other landmark whatever - Lina Joy, Revathi, Indira Gandhi, I believe Chetz's case will be swept under the carpet and within a few days, Malaysians who were so incensed with the whole shebang would move on to other things.

Nobody gives a damn about Revathi. Even if they throw Chetz into a pound somewhere, nobody cares.

But one day, when all this bullshit has piled on high enough, everyone will be choked by the smell. And they will look up to me, and they will yell  "Save us!" and I will look down and whisper, "No."