Kuala Limpeh - Around 5,000 Perasan Rakyat supporters went into hiding in caves at daybreak today in anticipation of Armageddon, but went home for lunch after the end of the world did not come.
"We thought that when Najib becomes PM, the north and south poles will be reversed, rendering the world uninhabitable for the next 50 million years," said PR person V. Vendetta.
"Yeah, I heard that, too" said Laili Tamplung. "Though in my e-mail, it was giant asteroids from space will come down and cause a 100 megaton nuclear explosion and cast the world into another ice age."
"My email read different," said Wang Kok Dong. "It was a solar flare, caused by Najib's swearing in, which will be a giant EMP pulse, destroying all electronic devices. That's why we are hiding in caves. Because caves don't have elevators. No electronics whatsoever."
Unfortunately, the dreaded event caused no known catastrophe. As yet.
"We were only thinking of our children," said V Vendetta. "Cause some people told us to think of our children. My kids are safe, thank God, but if the poles were reversed, then they would have died."
The 5,000 people were ready to re-populate the earth, but ended up crowding eateries at Kampung Baru.
"I didn't have time to cook," said Laili Tamplung. "So we're just going to eat out today."
"But it was good of Perasan Rakyat to accomodate all 5,000++ of the population of Malaysia. This shows that if something did happen, Perasan Rakyat can save everyone in Malaysia. Because Malaysia is a small country and only has 5,000 plus people. We are the Rakyat! Yeah!" yelled Wang Kok Dong.
Caught in the crossfire were some crack addicts who were using said cave as a 'recreational spot.'
"We were just doing our thing, you know, when these crazies showed up," said crack-addict Azman Azman. "They freaked me out so much, I went and got sober. That's it for me, man. I don't want to end up like these fuckers."
Azman Azman now has a job at an eatery in Kampung Baru.
"At least some good has come out of najib's swearing in," he said. "I now have a job, and my life is back on track."
