Hey, you guys!
I think God wants me to make 20 million dollars.
I just finished one script, but I can't sleep. Been lying on bed and all these titles for self-help Islamic books just flashed before my very eyes. Very eyes. The fuck does that mean?
Anyway, Syed Akbar Ali or whoever wants to do the Applied Islamics thing, consider this:
1. Diet Islam.
The simplest diet there is. Eat whatever the fuck you want. In moderation.
Success stories: Dr M. He was quoted as saying, "I eat whatever I want. In moderation."
And aside from stealing chocolate ice-cream from his granddaughter when his personal doctor was not looking, he reportedly sticks true to this.
Insert some nutrition science dudes.
2. Islamic Visualisation to Wealth and Health
The counterpart to The Secret. Same shit, different labels.
It's basically doa.
3. Lose Fat...And Sin
Repackaging the actions in the solat five times a day and also hardcore physical preparations for the Haj.
Run from Safa to Marwah seven times - calculate the distance and pose it as an exercise regime.
4. Win Arguments Without Explosives
The cool, Islamic method of chilling out even in the worst of vitriol.
When I studied Islam in school, I read a lot where God or the Prophet, peace be upon him, called for a calm demeanour, even when handling enemies.
Not many people do this nowadays and would often resort to insults and masturbating the ego.
5. Personal Islamic Conversations About Money
SOme other titles for Islamic finances, but this one is about your personal relationship with money and stuff.
In Islam, no one owns anything. God owns everything.
That gets rid of a lot of worry there. For instance, you shouldn't worry if your neighbour could afford a more expensive wife/slut-ho whore-priestess. God owns everything.
6. The Saf - Solutions for Managers
Management book. In a mosque, there are many things happening. Stuff like moving to reposition yourself in the midst of prayers to include other people, redesignating a new Imam after the original Imam has finished, even shaking hands at the end of it - all this can be spinned into management tips.
Packaged together, they pack a whallop.
It can't be as bad as Thick Face, Black Heart or whatever - the title to a business management book based on kiasu and greed. What the fuck? But yeah.
Anything and everything can be turned to self-help.
This is big money, man. Big Money, Big Money! Saya putar, Halim!
So. Do this, and give me 20 million dollars.