Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Flying Fuck

I am quite happy today.

Nothing to do with one of the movies I wrote getting nominated at FFM for Best Screenplay. I don't get screenwriting credit, just scriptwriting credit because here in Malaysia, directors usually take the credit for screenplay. I don't care, really, because I didn't do it for the awards.

Each of my my work have been nominated and won several awards on several different things. I am glad the team got the recognition, because they worked hard for it. MySpy - I believe to be the film I am most fond of - won Best Comedy. Magika won Best Film. Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa won something - Best Film as well, was it? I can't remember.

If I want to win an award, I want it to be completely mine. My story, my creative vision, with no interference whatsoever from any studio or anyone. But I'm not in a hurry. I have never done any of these movies or stuff to win any award.

I find the motivation for doing something to be very important. Some people do these things - they write, to get accolades, to be respected, to be feared or to be loved. Some, even worse, do it for freebies. I have seen talented people throw away everything for a free mug, a free t-shirt or some other bullshit.

For the record, my mother just bought RM1 t-shirts, so if your worth is RM1, then go ahead and go fuck yourself.

I do things, because I want to do things. Anything I don't want to do, never gets done. I write because I want to write. If I wanted to dance, I'd dance. If I wanted to fuck, I'd fuck. This, to me, is the real meaning of freedom, and I would fight tooth and nail for it.

Which brings me back to being happy today. I am unhappy if I am not doing what I want to do or not on the path to do what I want to do. As long as I am on my way to my dreams, my goals, I am easily pleased.

All the pieces I have carefully arranged in the past few years are finally beginning to look like they are in place. My plan - Batman always has a plan - is shaping up.

I never knew how I would get to what I want or what I would have to do or rather, choose to do. The goal has never been a mystery - the journey always is.

And if I fall? Well. Lucifer fell. I would rather look back at a life well-lived than cower in the shadows of fear. I am many things, and I have done many things, some good, some bad, but a cowardly liar has never been one of them. I'm not about to start now.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know what I will. I will bring it.

So suck my dick and call me a bitch. Take your cheap-ass pretentious fake useless selves and shove it up your stupid monkey asses. I don't give a flying fuck.