Went out with a friend just now and we spoke about dreams, among other things.
I told him that I have discarded any and all ambitions. I have no desire to rule the country, or to be someone 'important'; I don't even want to save anyone anymore - which is a hard thing because I have a superhero complex.
I don't even care about telling or showing people they are wrong. My vengeance to any and all wrongs - imagined or real - I have put behind me.
The only thing I have left, the only thing I want in life, is freedom.
I want RM2 million, so I could finally say goodbye to everything else which I believe are in the way of my real, true passion - writing.
With RM2 million, I would use RM600,000 to pay taxes and all my debts, which is not much. That leaves me RM1.4 million. I'll invest the one million in whatever. With the best performing unit trusts achieving 20-60 % returns, I am confident that a varied portfolio with a good spread can net me at least 10%.
The RM400,000, I would use to fund my simple lifestyle back in Kuantan, near the Lynas plant, in the swamp or by the beach. Maybe get a horse, for exercise purposes.
RM400,000 would be enough for me for around 4-5 years, living a simple, carefree life. By the time the money is used up, I will get another refill from the RM1 million, amounting to around the same sum. And we start the process again.
With my free time, I will sit down and write like a motherfucker. I'll write short stories, novels, movies and TV scripts and I'll finally write comics. I'll buy books and read them.
I have no desire to show off, to make more money than the RM2 million, no need to boast or do the dumb shit people with money often demonstrate. I don't fancy big cars - in fact, I don't fancy cars at all.
I just want to be left alone, with my books, my computers and a steady, reliable, fast Internet connection. My Pensonic stove, my tenderloin beef, my cooking experiments, my old games and my comic books.
I want to be alone, so I can think and meditate and exercise. If I can, I'll help out some people. If it's beyond me, then I won't.
That's all I ever wanted.
Some people, when I tell them this dream - the only one I have left - would look at me as if I'm stupid. Because they already have RM2 million, that it's achievable and too low a target. I appreciate the fact that my friend listened without judgment.
I have no grand aspirations and since I don't really give a fuck what people think, I have no desire to impress anyone. I also know what is enough, and my greed extends no further than this paltry sum.
Getting it, is a puzzle. This is the what. The hows are a bit more vague.
However, rest assured that as soon as I hit RM2 million - cash - I will finally disappear from the rat race and focus entirely on writing till the day I die.
And that, would be my ending. With lots of sex thrown in for good measure.