I was watching Step Up Revolution last night and almost killed a few people.
Went in, sat down, and first thing that happened was a fat old bitch plonked herself to my left and started moving as if she had a midget under her skirt who was giving her the best rimjob of her life.
The problem was, the seats were connected in rows so every single movement she made in response to the midget licking her asshole could be felt. And she had this nasty habit of moving her entire body whenever she ate a peanut, perhaps demonstrating that her esophagus could not move the bloody thing down to her stomach and she needed to massage her entire body to get it down.
And then, AND THEN, there were these people behind me who would kick at my seat. I turned around, eyeballed one dude with the hateful intensity of a thousand suns, ready to drink his blood and eat his throat, and the guy practically shrunk further into his seat and started pointing to his left.
To his left was this weird couple. Weird as in ugly. Both of them were ugly. I don't understand why ugly people need to breed. They stain the gene pool with their ugliness and they constantly push their ugly existence on other people by kicking the back of their seats in cinemas.
I shot hot lava from my head to them, through my eyes. I was about to stand up and shout, "WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU ASSHOLE? QUIT KICKING MY SEAT. WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING AN EPILEPTIC SEIZURE, YOU UGLY FAT GENETIC FREAK?" but they just remained motionless and grinned.
So I did what any self-respecting serial killer would do. I grinned back and showed them my fist. Both seemed adequately worried so I turned around and watched Step Up till it's finished.
After the movie, I followed the couple for a while down the stairs, fully considering following them back to their house that night and killing their entire family, crippling the couple, and feeding them the faces of their dead kin which I would turn into a stew.
For some reason, they managed to escape and run - they fucking ran - to the car park.
When I become a serial killer, I will go to a movie I have seen and fucking kill anyone who can't fucking watch a movie like a human, preferring instead to flail about like a fucking monkey.
