These few nights, I have been listening to people talk about pain. The energy was so potent, that I carried it back with me to my apartment. It also attracted some stupid shit kids who played with some garbage I put outside my door, for throwing out later.
I don't advise people anymore, unles it's for money. However, I felt compelled to share my experience, dealing with shit.
Just let go, man. It's not worth it. Not worth your time, not worth your energy, or happiness.
Some things in life, are worth fighting for. They're worth everything. If you need to kill yourself for it, then by all means, let the guillotine swing.
But here's the thing - that is not for everything, and in fact it is not true for most things. Maybe not true for all THINGS. Or ALL PEOPLE.
A person I respect taught me how to choose my battles, and choose my focus. I totally agree. The only thing that truly needs your focus and your everything, is yourself and your work.
Everything else, is just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I don't even want to break it down.
I am happy now that I am on course, and that my work is steadily moving forward. When I get in the zone, eventually, nothing can stop me. Everything would be gold.
Before that, I just need to do shit like this - exorcising all that painful energy, that dark cluster. A miasma of emo bullshit.
I was looking for a bit of that, tonight, cause I was writing a particularly depressing sequence in a project I'm doing, but I was immediately reminded how out of control despair is.
If you're not conscious enough, it could just latch onto you and just follow you around.
I deal with it like how I always deal with things. I hit it till it stops moving. But what worked eventually, are my new tricks.
Time to get back to work.