I never expected my family problems would affect me so.
The youngest in my family, I was thrust into a more prominent role in recent years. I did not want it, but there it is.
What frustrated me so much was that I had everything planned out for everyone. It was for the good of everybody, and all they had to do was to fulfill their roles. But they didn't, and no other work experience is more harrowing, no undertaking harder than to manage your own family.
Hated it, hated it, hated it. And never, ever, asked for it.
But here are the cards I have been dealt, and if anything, I adapt very quickly. Sometimes.
Dealing with other people is easy, compared to dealing with my family. Everybody is righteous as hell, and stubborn as they come. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that.
Nothing I can do about what people choose to do with their lives. End of the day, it's their lives. Not mine. No matter how close we are as family.
That I got so angry surprised me. Never been this angry since, well, I can't remember when. I guess my family still can push my buttons. Hopefully, not anymore.
I accept their freedom and independence. And if anyone dies because of their own stubborn nature, I have decided not to feel guilty. I have done my part. I can't live their lives for them.
They have to make up their own minds. They have to fuck up their own lives, without me doing it for them. My sleepless nights are over.
I'll be there for them, in my limited capacity. No more, no less. Fuck it. They won't follow my plans. My father will refuse to cut his coffee intake and will still complain of sleepless nights. He will continue to make bonfires, even though there is a very real risk of him stumbling into the flames, facing a very real death. He will not follow my diet that I have set for him. He will do things his own way, as I do things my way. Whatever works. I don't care about the hows. Not anymore.
Role reversal is a bitch. I remember when I was younger, I liked to test out and explore stuff. I hated to be held. I just wanted someone to hold my hand as I walk, stumble and fall. And scrape my knees.
I guess, in their twilight years, set in their ways, the only thing my family members need is for someone to hold their hands.
Issues of mortality, quality of life. Death in the family. Man, with all my knowledge and stuff, I thought I could do more. Alas, it all boils down to free will. It is a bitch.
Oh well. I wish you guys all the best. Good luck.
