Friday, May 4, 2012

Ramblings Before Thailand

A relative came to my house in Kuantan before I left for KL today. Yesterday. Whatever.

He asked, as he always does, "Do you want to find a wife?" and so I told him, "I'm not interested."

And he shut up, perhaps afraid if he asked even further, I would answer something like, "Dude, I'm gay."
I'm not gay. Nothing against gay people, just that I'm not one and am not interested in being one.
 Am also not anti-marriage. I'm anti-stupidity. Most chicks get married so they could lord it over other chicks.

"Hey, my vagina - though smelly - is worth all this bullshit! It's worth something!"

I said chicks, animals. Normal human females just don't give a fuck. Figuratively, of course.

I've seen perhaps ... one happy marriage, and it was boring.

Most marriages I have seen are devoid of passion, honesty or even love.

I always ask people, "Why do you want to get married?" There is no correct answer, but you'd be surprised as to what kind of responses I got.

Here's a sample of answers to "Why do you want to get married?"

1. "I don't want to eat alone."

What the fuck is this shit? Go ask someone to eat with you la. Dumbass. I eat alone and I find it peaceful.

2. "I got tennis elbow."

Seriously. What the fuck?

3. "I don't want to be alone when I die."

We all die alone. Get over it.

4. "I am old."

Yeah? Go die already.

5. "My religion this or that..."

Fuck this shit. Don't blame religion for your impending divorce and costly dumbass kids.

NO ONE, not a single one, said something like, "I want to get married just cause I love the nigga." Or "I love the bitch skank-ho."

I mean, no one can argue with that. Not even me. I get it. You want to bankrupt yourself, get hypertension or cancer, and die, because you love someone. Makes a lot of sense. Seriously.

If I find someone worth all that dumb trouble, then yeah, it's on the table. I have a very short list. I'll share it with you.

1. A good person

None of this pretentious bullshit. Go pretend your pussy doesn't smell, fucking bitch. Just a good person, and a good person is completely, totally aware, as defined by Eckhart Tolle. NOT as defined by any religion cause that's man-made conjecture.

2. Smarter than me

A deal-breaker because no one is smarter than me. I find intelligence sexy, which is why I sometimes look at my own reflection in the mirror and jack off. I have never met anyone - man, woman or machine - smarter than me.

3. Hot as hell

I'm shallow. If you're ugly, fuck you. I only go for hot chicks. Beautiful girls.

If you look like a split coconut or a mutant catfish, why don't you pour gasoline all over yourself, light yourself on fire and go jump on train tracks or some shit, from a 20-storey building.

I don't give a shit.