One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I feel good. I think I am getting over this bullshit cold. Just when I have my diet and exercise routine in play, just when I got the ball rolling on a few different things, the fucking cold hit. I was fucking pissed off cause I didn't have full access to my brain. My energy levels tumbled down after 3pm and I found myself winking off to sleep. In my feverish sleep, I dreamed of my flip-flops again. Basically, it was life and the world from the perspective of just looking at my flip-flops. And I couldn't fucking go to the fucking gym, which pisses me off. However, patience. I am naturally impatient. I hate monkey work, and repetitive bullshit, but I understand now that the devil is in the details. That, and grinding. It's a marathon, not a sprint, said a former editor, and all I have to do is ensure that every stroke is done properly, with style and care. At work, I sometimes feel like we're starting some things, which is good. I am losing weight and I just have to maintain that for a year. I found a girl whom I like and is unconnected to anything I do. She doesn't even know about the movie stuff I have done, and that is refreshing. I'm taking this for the long term, unless it doesn't work out, in which case, whatever. I want it to, but things don't happen simply because you want them to. Some great big changes are coming up, for the industry I'm in, the company I work for and generally everything. I don't even know what tomorrow will bring, but I don't give a flying fuck. If one of these days, I find myself doing catering in Sarawak, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid. Cause I have no expectations and my only dream, the only one I have left, is to finish this life properly. And I am in no hurry. Patience. For I am an impatient man. It is good to cultivate patience and wait for that other skill I lack - timing. All throughout my life, if I had done some things sooner or later, the results would have been fantastic and not just good, great or plain downright dumb. I am very conscious about time, but does it translate to better timing? I do not know. Only time will tell. And oh, by the way, I am typing this on a MacBook Pro. It's time I learned about other platforms though I love Windows. Tried to find online tutorials, but I finally managed to figure out this keyboard just a few minutes ago. To select parts of a sentence, you press ALT+Shift+Arrow Keys. To select the whole sentence, it's Command+Shift+Arrow Keys. You have no fucking idea how this cuts my writing and editing time. Whatever, man. I still hate Apple, but if I have to use their products, at no cost to myself, then whatever the fuck. Yes, this rant has gone nowhere. I guess the flu is not yet completely out of my system. But time will tell. Time heals all flus. Fucking flu.

Wiggle: Mental Militia

A lot of people - especially girls - come up to me and tell me they want to lose weight.

I don't think they do want to lose weight, because if they do, they would be on a treadmill or swimming or not eating high carbs.

I was actually saving this speech until I have hit my targeted weight loss of 44kg, but I am nursing a cold and I can't do work because my head feels like it's wrapped in a warm, damp towel, so against any kind of judgement, I am going to tell you how to lose weight and be fit and healthy, unless you get hit by a cold virus. Like I am right now.

The first thing you need to do is set your mental, psychological and spiritual self on the weight loss track. You need to decide, for yourself, on your own, that you want to get fit. No one will do this for you. You cannot rely on anyone but yourself. Your trainer - if you have one - is great at the gym, for maybe a couple of hours, but he or she will not and cannot follow you home.

I have a crush on a Sarawakian girl, and while she is nice and I am happy talking to her, she is not the reason for this. No matter how hot she is.

You must decide, on your own, for your own sake, that you want this.

A healthy living takes a long commitment. And you might just get a terminal disease anyway and die. I am having fun on this journey because I view my fat ass as a puzzle. I want to solve that puzzle by losing 44kg in one year or less.

When you go on a diet, it is not just for a few weeks or a few months. It is forever, so it must be sustainable to at least 70%. I tried before and as soon as I let go, the pounds rushed back in. This is for life, and if you can deal with that, you are ready.

Next step is information. First was the what. Second is how. I got loads of good and great advice from many people, including cab drivers. However, I trust doctors and medical journals more than cab drivers. No offence, and I'm not looking down on cab driver, but while I don't ask my doctors to drive me to Midvalley, I also won't rely on cab drivers for nutritional information.

I went online. Wikipedia, YouTube, I spent hours researching methods and ways to set me on my path.

After I have gained enough information, I set about for execution.

Execution is always key, no matter what you do. Best idea in the world? Nothing without great execution.

I believe in my plans, and I have faith in my work. So I just follow through.

So far, I am at 15% of my goals after a week plus. This is a good result, but nowhere near the 44kg I need to lose or the size of my gut I am comfortable with.

I need to step up my game, and as soon as my cold is gone, I will be at the gym every other day for the rest of my life, bar around 50% of the time when I do have work or sick or too tired.

I will be an underwear model and my picture will be on billboards everywhere. And after this? Ballroom dancing.

Wiggle!: In Sickness and in Health

I know I'm supposed to keep a weekly journal of my weight loss activities, but fuck it.

I'll tell you my plans right now cause I have a cold and can't go to the gym. I need to nurse my runny nose and stuff. So I decided to just shre with you the plan I have in my head.

In the first five weeks or so of this weight loss programme, I aim to replace my diet with a high-fiber one and start my exercise routine. I hoped to bring my cardio workout to a full hour by five weeks, but managed that in just one week. I now do 1 hour cardio every time I hit the gym.

That's one milestone accomplished.

I also know that it would be easy for me to reduce my weight in the beginning stages, but at a later date, as my weight goes down, I will find it more difficult.

Here's a secret: I'm not focusing on the weight. I aim to reduce my waist size, not just because I want to be an underwear model, but because I want to decrease the size of my omentum. Yes, omentum. Look it up.

A large omentum will cause liver failure, kidney complications and even diabetes. I DO NOT want diabetes as it will eventually attack all my senses when I am older.

So my target, is simply to wear pants off the rack at normal Asian clothing stores.

First stage was supposed to be five weeks, but I accomplished my goals in one. Here is what I was going to do for the rest of the programme, but now is being brought forward.

Since the conventional methods of a high-fiber diet is working, I am keeping that. My aim is to one day go to the gym every single day and do at least 1 hour cardio.

Now comes the next level: exotic weight-loss food supplements.

I respond well to fiber and Vitamin B complex, which helps in the release of energy. What I need are fat-burning foods.

Lecithin was a candidate, but I don't think so.

I'm going with raspberry ketones, brown seaweed and pu-er tea. The tea I can find easily, and I believe I can find the pricey raspberry ketones as a supplement pill. However, I do not know where I can get the brown seaweed.

As for my gym sessions, I aim to improve on the distance a well as resistance of my workout.

Eventually, I would need to join my office's group training, when my fitness level is enough to allow me to catch up with the rest of them.

I think this will happen after I have lost maybe 16kg on this diet and exercise regime.

The NSTP weight loss programme is for 100 days. I want to stretch it to a full year. And then see what happens.

For now, though, I just need to get better from this cold.

I Workout! Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle: Second Weight-Loss Update

I guess I'll do this every weeek instead of every day. The Kilos for Cash NSTP programme started last week on Saturday. Since then, I have lost 7kg.

I have switched to a high-fiber diet, and have started exercising again and just yesterday and today, have managed to bring my cardio workout time to a full hour. That means an hour on the machine at an average 120 strokes per minute, keeping my heart rate at 150bps.

See, it's not how cool you look, when it comes to exercising. It's about technique.

As the world's greatest and sexiest weight-loss guru, I can tell you two things are important while exercising: breathing and heart rate. Everything else is just to support these two factors.

See, you burn the optimum amount of calories at your optimum aerobic heart rate. Mine - a 32-year-old man - is 150-165. I just need to maintain my heart rate at this level and continue moving.

Breathing is also important. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Regulate and control your breathing to adjust your heart rate and minimise the build-up of lactic acid in your muscles or any oxygen debt. I am hardly out of breath at the end of my 60-minute workout sessions because my oxygen debt is small due to my controlled breathing.

I break down the 60-minutes into three parts. The first 10 minutes is just for me to get my heart rate up to at least 150. I do this by increasing resistance gradually. The next 40 minutes is maintaining this heart rate by manipulating the resistance level. The final 10 minutes is just to cool down.

I don't warm up as being on the machine for 10 minutes is a warm-up exercise. But I do cool down and take those stretches seriously, since I usually suffer from night cramps if I don't do a cooling down stretch.

Of course, everyone's bodies are different and their nutrient needs and exercise styles are also individual.

I find that I don't like doing group exercises and prefer to be left alone so I can control the rhythm of my workout.

We shall see how I progress over the next 12 weeks or so. My goal is to become an underwear model.

Furi Kuri

This AMV (Anime Music Video) is a summation of why, in my youth, I totally loved Gainax Studios. Granted, this is a fan project, but the song suits the anime - FLCL - to a 'T'.

FLCL or FuriKuri or Fooly Cooly is a six-episode anime which tells of the ultimate coming of age story ever. Fuck The Body or Stand By Me, this is the best coming-of-age tale ever.

It has all the symbolisms of the time - TV as an angel of mercy for a lot of youths and families, the emerging sexuality and attraction between opposite sexes, living in the shadow of a perfect older figure, alienation, loneliness and the bittersweet pangs of growing up.

The protagonist's forehead becoming a gateway for giant robots to come out is an analogy for the creative surge most people experience at this time. I used to write 17 short stories a year, during that period. There were lots of things to express, back then.

Nowadays, I don't have much to say because I understand that everything will eventually follow a few set of normal endings, and I am not bothered by that anymore. In fact, I relish it, and I like being in the present.

Eventually, we all stop struggling and we die. Before that, though, let's just enjoy the ride.

Pain-Worshippers of Mars

Saw the last of Glee. The final few episodes also dealt with domestic abuse or people in abusive relationships.

Abuse can also be emotional or mental, not just physical. And while it has been some time since I saw a black eye on any of my friends, I still see patterns of abusive relationships everywhere.

As in any sado-masochist sexual relationships, the power is in the hands of of the one being abused. The abused can always walk away, lodge a police report or get some thugs to beat the abuser. But they usually don't. Why?

This goes back to self-loathing and a low self-esteem, which abusers take advantage of. They try very hard to ensure that insecurities and weaknesses are exploited to a maximum.

This is why, even though I understand how the ego works, I have never tried to manipulate anyone, because I believe manipulation as an abusive behaviour, and generally a douchebag move. Because I am so fucking great. And pure, and have lost 5.8kg so far. Maybe 7. I dunno, haven't gone on the scales yet.

So, if you are in an abusive relationship, run, bitch, run! And never come back.

I Workout!

I joined an initiative under NSTP called Kilos for Cash last week. It is a weight-loss challenge running for 100 days. Winner gets a cash prize and an iPad 2.

The first three days, I lost 3.8kg. After five days, I lost 5.8kg.

I was rather worried that this could kill me, so I asked doctors and the NSTP gym trainer about weight loss and they told me it's fine. This is just water I retained and as time goes on, I will find it more difficult to lose more weight, they say.

I'll take it.

And then comes a rush of people asking me what I did to lose that weight. Well, it has barely been a week, so the final results are not in yet, but I swear on a high-fibre diet.

My methods were consolidated three years ago, when I lost 12kg. Here's the menu:

For breakfast, I would go for muesli cereals, soy milk with no sugar, honey (the good stuff is from New Zealand). I follow that up with two tablespoons of psyllium husk and three glasses of water.

Lunch is normal - half portion of rice or wholemeal bread, lots of vegetables and a portion of protein (beef/chicken). I hate fish and mutton, so I don't take those.

Dinner is oatmeal followed by psyllium husk and more water.

Here's how you take psyllium husk:

Add two tablespoons into a glass, and then add whatever beverage you want. My recipe is two tablespoons of psyllium husk, plain water and honey, with apple cider vinegar.

Sometimes, as a treat, I fix myself a protein dinner, which is skinless chicken breast or lean meat with butterhead lettuce and a simple sauce. The sauce is important, so I got the low-calorie ones.

As mentioned in another post below, I do not believe in starving myself or going on risky fad diets as that could cause ketone build-up.

Now here's my exercise plan:

I go between three-five times a week. Goal is to do one hour of cardio every time. First time I went, I could only manage 23 minutes. Second time, 35 minutes.

I believe by next week, I will be able to do an hour of cardio every working day.

I want to do weight training, but the machine at the office gym is broken and I do not believe it will be fixed or replaced soon. Therefore, I am researching on ways to get the same work out using dumbbells.

I'm an information man, so I like to load up on info before I embark on anything. Researching for this weight-loss programme has been fun.

Thankfully, I have also tapped into my meditation and breathing exercises I am practising to lower my blood pressure, in order to keep myself focused.

I am fortunate to not be easily tempted with food. I do not have a sweet tooth, and the high amounts of fibre I am taking is keeping me full. I rarely have cravings except for last night when I found a packet of instant noodles in the cupboard.

I love instant noodles! But that's all gone now.

Today, I am on watch for something, but I can go off for a couple of hours to the gym and also to get a massage. All that workout left me sore this week.

When I get thin, all you fat fucks can kiss my bony ass.

House of M: Messiah Complex

Before my very eyes, I am seeing the shift happen from the clout and reach previously enjoyed by traditional media to new and social media.

Your campaign, project or company is not a success unless it is also a success online. And there are many ways to measure that success, that reach.

What I find is that traditional industry leaders and business owners mostly don't understand the Internet and Internet culture as well as how to do this properly. A lot don't even know what are the benchmarks that are available.

Nowadays, businesses all want to 'engage' people online, because at the core of anything, is people. You reach out to the right group, communicate the correct messages and your campaign or project will be a success.

It used to be that you can do this by pushing your message on print or billboards, TV and radio. While these media are still influential and relevant, the clout online has grown faster than I ever expected.

Consider the birth of the newspaper. It was done because it would be easier than shouting your message from the back of a wagon, at the top of your lungs, everywhere.

The first newspapers were done for convenience. It was easy, direct and simple. As an industry gets more complex, revenue models increase in sophistication and eventually, it reaches a plateau. In the last cycles, as processes become more convoluted, revenue is decreased as resource focus is more on the operations aspect rather than the product.

Online is just at the beginning stages here in Malaysia, but I foresee that we will follow what has happened in the US, where online media is poised to generate more cash than traditional media.

How this will be done? Well, new media companies such as the one I'm working at are figuring this out and establishing procedures, protocols and structures.

In essence, having worked at both old and new media, I can say that online media is more challenging as it is complicated to nail things into something more nebulous. It is also more fun.

All the skill sets and expertise, lessons and mistakes learned from traditional media is very much valid online. Because at the core, everything is communication.

Everything.

Now, I shall go and take a dump.

Knowing is Half the Battle

I joined my company's weight-loss programme in order to have more women suck my dick.

It's a free and easy kind of programme where I can do whatever the fuck I want. Winner (based on weight-loss percentage) will win RM3,000 and an iPad2.

Since the weigh-in (two days ago), I have been researching on high-protein diets. Two-three years ago, I went on a high-fibre diet which got me to lose 12kg in three months. I want to get it to the next level, so I am researching high-protein diet such as the Dukan diet.

First, the risks - a cursory glance shows that high-protein diets have risks such as kidney failure, mood-swings and even cancer. This is because why human bowels love meat, our kidneys and other organs might fail if we only eat meat.

The reason is this dangerous metabolic state - ketosis - when our bodies burn fat instead of glucose (sugar) for energy. This causes the build-up of ketones which can result in organ failure, gout, kidney stones and destroy your kidneys.

Popular fad diets such as the Dukan diet promotes high-protein intake, and in the first 'attack stage' even excludes fruits and vegetables. This could be dangerous in the long run, but could theoretically be very effective in the short-term. If you go on the Dukan diet for a year or so, you might suffer some health problems.

Although it must be said that no proper research has concluded anything yet.

For me, I believe that the needs for every person is different as we all have different body types. I will stick with what has worked for me so well in the past - a high-fibre diet with lots of oats and muesli and psyllium husk. Oats is also a source of carbs and I believe in moderation. I will not forego rice and carbs entirely, but watching what I eat and how much I eat - to eat consciously, as Eckhart Tolle puts it - will work for me.

My plan is simple - breakfast is psyllium husk + apple cider vinegar + honey. Lunch will be mostly protein with a bit of carbs (choice of carbs is also important) as well as lots of vegetables. Dinner will be oats and muesli.

And when I'm thin, I'll make fun of you fatties. Muahahaha!

The way I see it, fat people have mental problems. Stress, self-loathing, self-sabotage, a trauma in the past, living in denial, etc. Just like smokers.

Ah, but we'll get to smoking later. Let's keep our focus on weight-loss, shall we?

Chow Kit Avengers

Just came back from two movies - local fare Chow Kit and international blockbuster The Avengers.

Dhojee asked me to go and see his movie and since I turned down one of his offers, I decided what the hell. I watched Chow Kit and it was better than I expected.

Yasmin Hani looked like a Yasmin Ahmad stand-in. And I mention her because I believe Chow Kit as one of those movies that are like Yasmin's.

I never really loved Yasmin's movies, but I believe they were very important as it convinced a whole generation of filmmakers that it is possible to do movies that stay true to the story and have minimal studio intervention.

The truth is, the local as well as global film industry, in my opinion, are mostly concerned with only one thing - making money. Everything else takes a backseat. It takes movies like Yasmin's, Kami (the Sudirman one), Chow Kit, Bunohan and the rest to show that there are other types of films that can be made than whatever is popular at the time.

Even so, it was sad to see that less than half of the cinema was filled. The stark reality is that movies are a business and the types of movies that get made are the ones with a lot of audience. If you want smart, well-made movies, vote with your dollar and always go for these films whenever the rare ones gets made. And then pray to God, Science or Eywa, that many other people enjoy the movies you like.

So go watch Chow Kit now, because these movies don't come out too often and when they do, their takings at the office are usually a beating.

Chow Kit has two stories, making it an anthology of sorts. The first is about four kids who live in Chow Kit. Reminiscent of Harmonie Korrine's Ken Park and Kids, as well as The Kite Runner, Hayao Miyazaki's Grave of the Fireflies and the late Sudirman Hj Arshad's Kami - one of the best Malaysian movies to have come out in the past three decades.

Chow Kit I is about the harsh realities faced by the children of Chow Kit who have prostitute mothers, junkie fathers and other asshole adults who exploit them financially, sexually and whatever.

It would have been stronger if the kids manage to do something spectacular, only for their dreams to shatter into pieces of shit later on, but it was depressing enough as it is.

The second feels like a gangster flick, which was okay, but with weaker characterisation. Aileen should have been established earlier and her relationship with the lead dude Ah Kuan could have had a stronger set-up, but it was okay.

I went into the cinema expecting cringe-worthy moments, but they were very few and much too far in between. In essence, Chow Kit is okay. And go watch it before the screenings end this weekend.

Then I watched The Avengers. I had much too high expectations for the movie. It's good, but not great. I wanted more Iron Man, more Giant Man (missing from the movie), Janet Pym (missing), Quicksilver (nada) and Scarlet Witch (zip) and more Black Widow in the nude.

It was all right, but I'd rather watch Iron Man III.

Meanwhile, I am currently infatuated with a girl I met in Sarawak, but being a Stark realist and pseudo-Buddhist means that I have no expectations and subscribe to no desires.

No one can control me except myself.

So that's my roundup. Off to bed.

People and Their Little Dramas

I begin to tire of insignificant people and their dramas. Sorry, let me rephrase that. I was tired of little people and their dramas 32 years ago, when I was born.

I mean, there are people with not enough food, or who got raped by their parents, live in a war-torn country where they could die at any minute or some shit like that, and that, to me, is real drama.

Feeling oppressed when you are set to inherit a RM3 million house, just because your neighbour believes you are a fake, phoney, soulless motherfucker is NOT drama. It's not even a problem. That's just bullshit.

But I digress. I, too, have little dramas I am handling right now. Of paramount concern is the state of my father's health. My other siblings - whom I shall call The Others - took him to the hospital and he came away with five new medications. That's around 32 pills he is taking daily, or more.

The systems in his body are weakening. He also has an affliction which targets blood vessels all over his body. His immune system is down and he can't be advised to not bathe so much as that activity can expose him to more bacteria.

I have always been a fan of medical dramas and medical textbooks. When I first read wikipedia, my focus was largely medicine.

I still read wikipedia four hours a day, and these days, I focus on figuring out what the doctor is trying to do. The Others don't ask the kind of questions that would reveal any medical insight. Sadly, some people regard modern medicine as some sort of advanced magic bullshit.

So my little drama is that - worrying.

However, I am also thankful. My father can still talk and walk. Around 31 years ago, doctors told him he had six months to live. He defied all odds and managed to spend over three decades with us. The things he was not supposed to do - gardening, for instance - has kept him healthy. Of course, when I say 'gardening', I really meant farming.

We have an acre of land - a third of it swamp - and it is extremely fertile. People say my father has a green thumb, because whatever he plants grow big and strong.

They think it's some sort of magic, when I can tell you that the 'secret' is just backbreaking hard work. People like fast tips, or believe there are elegant solutions to things. My father's approach was just pure, stubborn hard work.

When people tried to intimidate me with hard work, I just go straight at it and do everything. I don't give a shit. Why? Because I know that with just a little bit of hard work, I can tell everyone to fuck off and die.

They say Malays are lazy. I say everyone is lazy. And scared. They always have an excuse for not doing something or why they didn't do it well. I just don't give a flying fuck. I mean, the worst that could happen is you fail.

BIG FUCKING DEAL.

I have seen everything I wanted to see, and I have done everything I ever wanted to do. The only thing left for me is to shove it down your fucking throats.

Vagabond: Monk

I am a vagabond! I come with the wind, I go with the wind.

A Friend Comes Home

Caption: This is not Ayu

A couple of weeks ago, I was lamenting the fact that most of my friends have left the country.

Today, I met one who came back. Welcome home, Ayu. Am very happy to see you back.

Tales from the Drunk Side: Fear

People do stupid and evil things because of fear. I am not afraid. I am stubborn.

My father is a stubborn man. If I've inherited anything, it would be his stubbornness.

I don't give a shit, man. I hold myself to my word, and I hold people to theirs. This is why I could not and cannot stomach pretentious people and liars.

The days when you pretend to be successful and success would come to you has passed. People can smell bullshit a mile away.

I don't understand why you have to fake being anything. You just be it. No need for pretense. Just go forward and fuck everything else. Just be and do whatever the fuck you want. As long as it is not evil or hurting others, just fuck it.

People are usually afraid of being seen as small or stupid. Most do not realise that no matter what people say or think of you, no matter what YOU say or think of yourself, the truth remains the same. The truth is unchangeable, rigid and impossible to compromise.

If you are in-line with the truth, no matter what the truth may be, then who the fuck gives a shit?

It is easy to be in line with the truth. Simple be open and don't make any judgements. People can say or do whatever. What happens next usually doesn't rely on their words because people lie.

I do understand and believe that it is a luxury to tell the truth. However, I am obsessed with it and I just don't give a shit. I do not accept a world of lies, so I will not lie. Not because I'm so fucking great. That goes without saying. I tell the truth because I don't give a shit.

I want nothing. There is nothing anyone can tempt me with. This not wanting is in the sense there is nothing I wish to have and I have no expectations. I make my decisions based on what I believe is best for me and the present moment, whatever that decision may be and no matter where it will take me.

I live by the truth and I will die by the truth. Come what may. I will cut off the heads of liars and wear my crown upon a troubled brow.

Intermission: Crux

I take a break from Bangkok, work, Awek Kuching and everything else to just sit down and take stock.

Things are moving. The universe is turning, and I find myself in some of the cogs, feeling the rotation.

In this pivot point, it is imperative that I remain open. My sights are clear - I know the kind of work I want to do, and how to do it.

I do not trust people, but I am surprised - pleasantly - at the kind of support I am getting. I know that the road ahead of me is rocky and filled with potholes, not to mention sand-sharks, but it is nice to see that not all battles are uphill.

In this transitional period - or in any period, period - I must remember to never be evil. I am the Lord of Destruction, and I know very well that within all types of evil lay all manner of seeds - the seeds of destruction.

I was insecure about my intelligence, so I observed what is smart and what is stupid. Evil is never smart, because it always gets back at you. Evil is something that traps everything in a whirlpool of despair.

And I do not believe that we are great because of machines, tools or how we say that we are great. To be the greatest, you simply be the greatest. To be the best, you be the best.

A lot of people are afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of being laughed at, of being rejected.

I stand here, a reject. A failure. I have failed at everything, I have been rejected by everyone. Laughed at, sometimes by 'friends'. Is there anything else left for any of you humans to do?

You are afraid of being measured, and coming up short? I have been measured, and I was short, long, big, thin, fat, late, early. I don't give a flying fuck.

My God is not mortal. I do not worship mankind or the voices of others. I will go forward, with or without anyone or anything. I am the best simply because I decided to be the best. A long time ago. And I am not turning or even looking back because I am fucking busy.

There's no pretense or whatever the fuck. I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.

I've been to Bangkok, and no power in the universe can stop me now.

National Pornographic Sexplorer: Bangkok - Heaven and Earth Great Shift

Bangkok has changed. There's the 30 billion baht airport rail thing, the influx of Japanese and East Asian tourists influencing the way a lot of the girls look and operate, and I found most of my friends in that city gone.


I can't blame them. I was gone for three years. Maybe more. At first, I was worried about my father. He was sick, and I did not think it was proper to be partying in Thailand while he fought for his life.

When his condition stabled a couple of years ago, I found my passport blocked by PTPTN. I resolved that issue last year and wanted to go back ever since, finding a very small window just recently.

When I arrived on Friday, I felt the surge of energy that made me smile - classic Thailand. That country always makes me smile.

Instead of finding a hotel, my first destination was a massage parlour at Sukhumvit Soi 26. I took the Airport Rail thing, wanting to experience something that cost RM3 billion, or close to a billion USD. It was safe, fast and efficient. At THB90, a steal compared to cabs.

The rail ended at Phaya Thai, where it links to a BTS station - the Skytrain's Sukhumvit line. Then it was off to Phrom Pong station.

A short query and other things, I decided to go back to a hotel, an inn I stayed four years ago at Soi 8.

There is so much to write, but I have an early meeting tomorrow at an office that is not mine, so I will end this here, with these teaser quotes. Think of it as a trailer of sorts to my latest Thailand adventures:

"My father plant popcorn."

"I want you to DIE!"

"My mother is Malaysian."

"So what you do?" "I'm a reporter." "I like Harry Potter."

"It's silicone."

"I go hom wit choo tonite. Arrgggggh!"

Ramblings Before Thailand

A relative came to my house in Kuantan before I left for KL today. Yesterday. Whatever.

He asked, as he always does, "Do you want to find a wife?" and so I told him, "I'm not interested."

And he shut up, perhaps afraid if he asked even further, I would answer something like, "Dude, I'm gay."
I'm not gay. Nothing against gay people, just that I'm not one and am not interested in being one.
 Am also not anti-marriage. I'm anti-stupidity. Most chicks get married so they could lord it over other chicks.

"Hey, my vagina - though smelly - is worth all this bullshit! It's worth something!"

I said chicks, animals. Normal human females just don't give a fuck. Figuratively, of course.

I've seen perhaps ... one happy marriage, and it was boring.

Most marriages I have seen are devoid of passion, honesty or even love.

I always ask people, "Why do you want to get married?" There is no correct answer, but you'd be surprised as to what kind of responses I got.

Here's a sample of answers to "Why do you want to get married?"

1. "I don't want to eat alone."

What the fuck is this shit? Go ask someone to eat with you la. Dumbass. I eat alone and I find it peaceful.

2. "I got tennis elbow."

Seriously. What the fuck?

3. "I don't want to be alone when I die."

We all die alone. Get over it.

4. "I am old."

Yeah? Go die already.

5. "My religion this or that..."

Fuck this shit. Don't blame religion for your impending divorce and costly dumbass kids.

NO ONE, not a single one, said something like, "I want to get married just cause I love the nigga." Or "I love the bitch skank-ho."

I mean, no one can argue with that. Not even me. I get it. You want to bankrupt yourself, get hypertension or cancer, and die, because you love someone. Makes a lot of sense. Seriously.

If I find someone worth all that dumb trouble, then yeah, it's on the table. I have a very short list. I'll share it with you.

1. A good person

None of this pretentious bullshit. Go pretend your pussy doesn't smell, fucking bitch. Just a good person, and a good person is completely, totally aware, as defined by Eckhart Tolle. NOT as defined by any religion cause that's man-made conjecture.

2. Smarter than me

A deal-breaker because no one is smarter than me. I find intelligence sexy, which is why I sometimes look at my own reflection in the mirror and jack off. I have never met anyone - man, woman or machine - smarter than me.

3. Hot as hell

I'm shallow. If you're ugly, fuck you. I only go for hot chicks. Beautiful girls.

If you look like a split coconut or a mutant catfish, why don't you pour gasoline all over yourself, light yourself on fire and go jump on train tracks or some shit, from a 20-storey building.

I don't give a shit.

Penultimate Thoughts

I have been planning a trip to Thailand for almost a year now. As in, I wanted to go a year ago, but things keep happening until I managed to slide in a short vacation to the great country recently.

Thailand, to me, is a spiritual journey. It is the place where I had my second great realisation, my second enlightenment or some bullshit like that.

I also have to keep my wits about me to avoid attracting unwanted situations. I'm a veteran, but a bit rusty, so will have to be aware all the time.

I leave Malaysia at a time when I think the country needs more positive reinforcement. We have so much to be thankful for, and much to do in order to make the country a better place to live in for all.

I believe that well-entrenched and respected systems like in the States and Germany (but do Malaysians want to pay up to 45% tax?) and the inner peace, acceptance as well as friendliness I find in a lot of Thais would be a good combination.

Bersih 3.0 was just that close to being a bloodshed, and while there are people who would benefit from that - extremists like Perkasa, DAP, PIS-M and whoever - in general it would have been a prelude to destruction.

There are lots of wrong things in the country, but not all of it is bad. Like there are lots of great things in the States - like libraries that open till 2am and Jimmy Wales (founder of Wikipedia. He is American, right? Whatever) - there are are also lots of bad things as well - sub-prime mortgage, Republicans in general, Scientology, Mormonism.

The advantage that Malaysia has is to keep what is good and ditch what is bad. Many paths have been laid out before us. We just have to choose which variation of experience we want.

As I write this, I am making preparations not just for the Thailand trip, but for my retirement. I am 32 years old and I have maybe 10-20 good working years left to do stuff and prepare for my death.

May God have mercy on man and machine.