Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day 0

Today, I woke up around noon, and decided to quit smoking. Again. This is attempt number... 49? I don't know. I once stopped for three weeks or three months. I can't remember.

I just sat there on my bed, thinking. Considering my options. The hows, not the whys. I know the whys.

I smoke three packs of Marlboro Menthol Lights a day. At 9.30 a pack, that's RM1,000 a month. Not counting the money I spend on lighters, cough medication and sweets. Those sweets I take to regulate my coughing will give me diabetes.

I have been coughing for five years. I get bronchitis every eight months. I have to scale my teeth every six months.

Fuck the whys. I am just concerned with how I am going to do this.

There are drugs. There's Champix, an over-the-counter that fools your brain into thinking that you've already had too much nicotine, making it taste bad.

A 12-week course. The cost? Anywhere between RM120-RM840. I don't know. I know of the drug, but has never tried it.

Then, there's acupuncture. Around 600 bucks for 10 sessions. Worked for one of my friends. Unfortunately, I think it's all psychological. The problem with me is that I am arrogant and paranoid enough not to allow any manipulation of that sort.

Nicotine gums and patches don't work for me.

And after all that, there is only one way of doing it. Cold turkey.

So I took stock. I had half a pack left. There are six sticks of Dunhill Lights left from a night at a club.

So, I will take the half pack to work. Finish it, and that would be it. AT work. At home, I still have six sticks. I am going to finish the six sticks tonight, and that would be it. That's all she wrote. I'm done! I'm through!


It wasn't that easy. An hour after I stubbed out my last cigarette from the half-pack, I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I felt sleepy, lethargic. I feel an urge to go and light a cigarette.

Resisting the urge didn't work. What worked was to accept the craving. To acknowledge it and move on with work.

I am not worried about psychologically keeping my addiction in check. I am righteous and arrogant enough to keep my mind under control. I am wary of the physical effects it will have on me for the first three months.

I am worried, about energy.

Oh well. You can't make whatever, without breaking a few eggs.

Today, was a trial run. Tomorrow, it's cold turkey all the way.