Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Special

Caption: Gambar Sekadar hiasan

Last weekend, I went back to Kuantan for my sister's wedding. It's now official - at 36 and the youngest of my siblings, I remain the last human standing who is still single.

Some extended family members have fired warning salvos, voicing their intent to get me hitched to a random girl or whatever.

I know some of my relatives read my blog, sometimes, so these are my thoughts before anyone does anything.

10 years ago, if someone were to do this, I would have done things that would have been quite scathing and scandalous, to ensure that they would never try that again.

Unfortunately, I am quite old now and with my heart disease, my life expectancy has been severely reduced. This all works in my favour, but not to anyone around me, who might have to carry my body and bury me in hallowed ground, lest I rise again from the grave.

The truth is, I thought about marriage 8-10 years ago. I thought that I have been quite tough on Malay girls and I might have to spend some time with them - even the ones I make fun of - to ensure I was being fair.

It lasted a few months and then I decided everyone can go fuck themselves.

Marriage is a hassle and I have never met anyone worth all that trouble. In fact, if someone is in my room or at my apartment, I usually can't sleep.

I am paranoid - a paranoid person armed with a peculiar understanding of human psyche. All humans are fucked up. The normal human's driving force is to be or be seen as better than others. To be 'special'.

This is stupid, because we are all the same. And yet you can fuck any girl in the world today, just by telling them they're special.

"You're the only one who can thaw my icy heart. You're special."

"I choose you! I didn't choose Pikachu, I choose you!"

"I would never lie to YOU (not like how I lied to all these other idiots)"

These are all lies. There's only one person any human believes is special - him or herself. Humans are despicable and I generally do not seek their company.

And then there's marriage. Weddings are expensive and most marriages don't last. It's a silly industry - one I hope to exploit one of these days. I would love to own several wedding places so I could make money. LOTS of money.

And then kids.

Here's the thing. Have you looked out the window lately? Do you really want to bring someone into this stupid, violent, hateful world? Someone who would eventually realise that life has no meaning whatsoever, humans are stupid and deceitful, and whatever you do will eventually come to naught.

Basically, you get old, you get ugly and then you die.

Would you want to bring someone into this world of Trumps and Brexiteers? A world filled with Taylor Swifts? A bleak economic outlook and from what I can see, an impending world war?

If you do, I believe you are selfish. And extremely irresponsible. But that's just me and I generally hate people.

Yerah, sure, the world can be nice, life can be beautiful. But anyone who has the potential to inherit my vast intellect and deep insights can also see all its flaws. Someone with a similar mental capacity as mine would be able to see all the darkness and evil in this world.

It would take huge, serendipitous leaps of enlightenment to be okay with it all. And I don't think even anyone with a similar DNA structure to mine can pull off what I have done. Cause you see, I think I'm special.